Couch 193: The Aurora Borealis Couch

It's possible that there's something about him/your relationship that makes it difficult for you to open up and to express anything negative. I find it much easier to open up to my current T than I did with ex-T, and I saw her for 6 years. And I'm able to tell him if he says/does something that upsets me, where I had much more difficulty doing that with ex-T and ex-MC.


So you might find it easier to open up with someone different. Also, it sounds like you're putting all the blame on yourself here. When he's half of the relationship. Part of his role is to make you feel safe and comfortable enough to be very open with him. It sounds like he didn't do that.

April day 7 - shoulder pain still present, 5/10.

I love this line.

Who wants the first session with SD the T?

Just heard that Leonard Cohen song that goes "ring the bells that still can ring/forget your perfect offering/there is a crack, a crack in everything/that's how the light gets in."

I'm going to use that as inspiration for today's poem.

I ate dinner too late last night - very weird dreams!

H is in a mood today. Not sure what the deal is but I told him to stop snapping at me. It’s going to be 70 today and we are slowly getting there so I may just go to the park and walk around by myself. There isn’t enough extra money to spend so I have to find something to do that will allow me to enjoy the really nice weather and not cost anything.

I dreamed about the woman last night - although as usual I did not see her face. She called me and said she would explain what was supposed to happen in therapy if I came to her house. So I went and she still didn't. I reiterated my stance that on the few occasions I understood what she was saying and would agree she was not wrong, it was actually irrelevant to anything. Like I was talking about astrophysics and she would say her dog was a poodle. While not untrue that her dog was a poodle - it was still completely pointless and useless to me.
Then I woke up.

I dreamed last night that I was showing friends the pantry in my childhood home and we found 3 jars of this brown liquid that was bubbling like boiling water. There was other stuff too but that was the highlight.

I wish I could remember my dreams. Well maybe not the ones that wake me up panicked. The fun interesting what the heck was that about ones.

Ugh... I guess turn about is fair game... T has the “ring the bells that can still ring” quote on his web page but not the rest of it... *sigh* I know T well enough I should have known there was more to it...

Dang it....

Hugs omers. I like this part of the song, it makes me feel better about leaving therapy when I needed to even though I still have work to do.

I need to work with last night's dream today at some point.

I had a disturbing dream last night. Not sure what it means. TW for sui/pretty violent. Seriously, you've been warned.

I get to see my boy this evening yay!!

Oh NP. Hugs.

My dreams were about my job, and getting good grades, and sleeping (honestly, who dreams about sleeping???!), and taking a shower, and swimming, and going to the bathroom, and trying to find a bathroom, and trying to get back into work after five pm without my i.d. card. George h w bush was one of my teacher/bosses, that was interesting, but i think that was spawned from the biden skit on snl last night. And for some reason my workplace is in a mall and theres a food court. I was probably still hungry. And i was going to work very early and trying to swim before work.

He is first T i really wanted to talk to, all the rest i just sat and stared and mumbled and after a few sessions i just gave up except for one T who i really felt comfortable wity but he went on holidays and never came back. current T He did try hard to make me comfortable but i dont really know what the problem is. I dont really feel safe with people.

my D is going down to her dads for the holidays so i will be alone for a while

I dreamt that there was a flash flood, and I was driving with someone I haven't seen since high school. She'd taken the back entrance to where we were going, and the water running across the road trapped us there so that the only way out was to try to drive my car up a nearly vertical rock face. She was afraid, so she parked in the middle of the water running across the road and we swapped seats. I was afraid the car would wash away with us in it while were were switching. I backed up to get a good run at the cliff, and then I woke, so I didn't get to see whether we made it up or got washed away or what...

So many of my recent dreams are jumbles of driving, traveling, being lost in airports or on roads, getting caught in impossible situations. Gah. I miss those dreams where I'd wake up with clarity or peace and feel like something was getting resolved, or at least figured out.

I have been trying to boil myself some pasta for lunch since 11:30... I keep burning the water/pan and never getting the pasta in. Thinking I might be a tad more stressed than what I am admitting. It’s 5:30 and pan????

WFS - i HATE those driving straight up dreams!! What ARE they about??? I mean, in a way they are cool, then again, they are scary as heck. I cant remember if i have actually driven one or just dreamed it. I think there is one (or more) in the southern states. Like florida or georgia.

I hate having the woman show up thus turning a mere dream into a nightmare.

Found someone in my building to take all my non-gluten-free unused food off my hands. Now I got freezer space.

I marvel at everyone’s ability to remember their dreams. I rarely remember them. At the most, I wake up realizing the music for my next concert has been going through my head while I sleep, or I’ve been dreaming I was grading essays. LOL! I think I have actually graded something like 2,000 essay in the last month (I’ve been grading SAT on top of my own classes). I really do feel like I grade in my sleep.