Couch 193: The Aurora Borealis Couch

It doesn't seem odd at all to me - I would think everyone had gotten it out of their systems so we could go on the next day as usual. Which is why I am asking exactly what else would one do? What is expected?

Musical chairs, pin the tail on the donkey, cake, presents. it might be different down under, or after age 10.

Its also bcm's cute way of putting things

It sounds like LT brought up concerns she has about things that are missing in the marriage. That's not really something that you just get out of your system because the things will still be missing.

I think what would be expected would depend on what exactly was said.

I keep almost crying today. Dang it T for cancelling on me today, I need you today. My emotions are a mess. I just want to cry and cry and cry. It's a little difficult though as I am at work. Not that I don't cry at work, I just try to not full on cry at work. I'm trying to get a hold of my emotions so they don't run over me, but it's not happening easily. I wish I could bury myself in the couch cushions and not have to deal for the rest of the day. HUGS Kit

Not all missing things can be filled by a partner. I have always seen these sorts of things as am I getting enough from this that it is worth dealing with the other parts and what else can I do that will get me what I think is missing in other ways. And I often want partners to go out and do the same thing. I don't want partner trying to do some things for me that we both know they would suck at no matter how earnest they might be in attempting it. And I hate being told by a partner "I need more Y" -okay go get it- I just don't have it to give you.
I just don't know how any of that would translate to me doing something other than getting up, brushing teeth, feeding pets, asking about plans for the day and going on as usual.

So I would get up and go on about my day as usual unless there was some clear thing to do.

Of course not.

I completely forgot to go to lunch today until I had only 20 minutes left for said lunch break. Oh well! Maybe I can sneak out 40 minutes early later this afternoon....

I was just reading in Getting the Love You Want about how people with anxious attachment styles tend to pair up with people who have dismissive attachment styles. When there is conflict, the anxious person turns to their partner more intensely, which makes the dismissive person retreat even further. Not knowing much about your H, I'm wondering if that's what's going on here.

If it was a really big fight, I would want to talk about it the next day after I cooled down. My wife might or might not mention it, but it would mostly be because she forgives and forgets astonishingly quickly. (She is not normal.) She would talk about it if I brought it up, though. I'm not saying this is typical or normal or whatever, just how it would go in my house.

" how people with anxious attachment styles tend to pair up with people who have dismissive attachment styles. When there is conflict, the anxious person turns to their partner more intensely, which makes the dismissive person retreat even further."

I have had this sort of thing explained to me before when I said I had no idea what X was doing at me or why.
The problem for me is that I truly don't know what literally would be done differently that I actually could do (and sometimes it seems I am being asked to become somone completely not me) - If it is me you don't want - okay go find someone else then.

I just saw that Notre Dame is on fire. This makes me very sad for some reason

I saw that too, it is sad.

That's interesting, EM. I have a dismissive attachment style, and I choose not to be in a relationship, so I can't really add on that front. However, I have noticed that after arguments with other people that I live/lived with (roommate, parents), I do retreat. I'm not sure that's always the same thing as acting like nothing happened, but maybe.

I do have one thought. One of the parents has an anxious attachment style. With her, the way I act is guided by what will make things easiest for me - the path of least resistance.

Regardless of what I myself do, it feels awkward when I pretend things have not happened. I guess I prefer that to the discomfort of re-engaging in conflict when my adversaries are always highly emotional and unwilling to have a rational conversation.

Thank you couchies. It wasn’t really what I was needing or wanting but I could tell T was trying very hard and he didn’t reject me. T is out of town the week of Easter and that is a bad anniversary for me. I’m still hurting and T knows it... but I was so happy to see him it was hard to be with the hurt and sad. T was as confrontational as zi have ever seen him get about my not setting boundaries.
Need to go cry and quilt. This sucks.

This makes me sad too.

Devastating. So much history, art, literature, tied to Notre Dame.

Today's poetic form is the Fib. Each line has the number of syllables using the Fibonacci sequence. Combining math and poetry is just wrong to me but I'm attempting one anyway.

A short one, to avoid much math. Haha.

OMG!!! I might have to do this one! Loved college math!

I am up to 13 syllables right now...

Oh, Notre Dame. Awful.

@LostOnTheTrail I hope you're okay.

Thanks, @StressedMess

Physically I am OK, mentally I feel like I'm moving through fog. This is a horrible time of year for R to be unavailable. I could probably email, but don't know what I would say.

yesterday i had the worst panic attack in relation to my T so i rang my gp to get an earlier appointment but i woke up feeling fine and now the clinic phones ar e playing up and i cant get through to cancel the appointment which is now 40 minutes away. i feel like an idiot saying to my gp that i have panic attacks over my T even though my gp has a double degree in psychology

thats it though no games, in our house before we separated the food was eaten together as a family. i am feel more secure when there is routine thats part of the reason i became nurse. breakfast, obs, shower, investigations, wound care, lunch more obs...

lost