Couch 193: The Aurora Borealis Couch

I love when I read a post and know who wrote it without looking heehee

My new couch comes this morning yay!

H got home a couple hrs ago from a delivery to San diego, he drove all night. I don't know how he does it...

Brexit memes flood the internet as Britons mock Halloween deadline | Daily Mail Online

# Brexorcists

Defenestrate
Choco-bomination
Breggsit
punsteroids
SIM cards
sweetcakes
polyamuse something
coucharoonios
Couchketeers.
non-performing hair

Good point about the biography, maybe everyone could sum themselves up eg.:

Una= Gosling. Russian ambassador. Una & Ozzygate

Dunno what I'd write/describe about myself!

How long is her break? Are you allowed contact whilst she's away?

Would you consider seeing another t?

I'm actually used to the new layout now and think it looks better!

1. Just a week.

2. Possibly - but I have no idea what I would say...my words go when I am in my feelings.

3. Seeing somebody else would mean unpacking the story again, and I don't feel equipped to do that.

It does sound very hard and super tiring even if he did sleep during the day.

A week is just a week but it can also not just be a week.

You're good with art, perhaps draw it out?

HUGS BCM

This week is not just a week - it's the week between the anniversary of Chris' passing, and the discovery of the deception relating to 'Kim' in April 2016.

I was hoping that I would have an opportunity to unpack some of this stuff before it hit full force, even though I wouldn't have the opportunity to exhale in the immediate aftermath.

HUGS LostOnTheTrail

I've heard of her raising strong kids or something like that book, but maybe YOU or Dark will change my life! xD

I might add it to my list when it comes out.

Today I am writing a dedication poem: to the little owl L gave me when I left therapy last summer (not knowing at the time I was going to go back for a bit).

Good morning Couchies! How's everyone? I'm tired today. I've been really tired and I don't know why. But I'm not going to drink soda today. I'm not. I'm not. I'm drinking unsweetened tea though so less about caffeine and more about the sugar. Went to the walking park before work and got in a nice walk. Walking is supposed to energize you! Ha. Doesn't seem to work that way for me. My diabetic cat tried to take a bite of my bagel this morning! She always acts hungry but she doesn't finish her food. She's probably frustrated, and I'm frustrated for her. 4 more days until therapy. Not ready. HUGS to anyone who wants one. Kit

I was drinking so much mountain dew before I quit soda, I was drinking a lot of iced tea after! For the caffeine. I never liked sugar in tea, yuck ick. I drink mostly water now, but I do still have a big ol' cup of iced tea every morning still that I sip while I work.

I'm struggling to know which path I should take with my therapy. I had a hard, hard session yesterday. My gut reaction is to scurry back into the shadows and take all of this messiness that has come out lately and hide it away. Is there any need for the mess to show itself? But there's another part that is really yearning for that connection with him. He said something yesterday about how he'd been wracking his brain trying to figure out some stuff from our therapy. My inner voice tells me that I'm such a burden to him, but he says I'm not. How do I believe him and not what my instinct tells me? This has all gotten too intense lately. He says he feels like he's in the dark because I don't tell him things, but I feel like I share a lot with him, more than I'm comfortable with. It really hurts to hear that he doesn't see that I am being open with him. I don't know what to do about any of this. Maybe I should just quit therapy altogether.

Hugs and head nods all around. And virtual glittery sparkles.

The wanting to hide highlights shame for me. From John bradshaw's book (which I never finished), running away feels safer, because it's your survival instincts kicking in which you've had to use for so long.

This is my favourite line from the children's book- we're going on a bear hunt. " long wavy grass. We can't go over it. We can't go under it. Oh no! We've got to go through it! "

There is so much that pain can teach us, but I do understand. No one said therapy was easy.

Listen to Ned! Imagine yourself trying to find directions to somewhere. You meet two people- the first is Ned flanders whose super nice and friendly. Person number two is rude and makes fun of you but also gives you directions. Who would you listen to ? It's the same with your bad thoughts. Listen to the ones that raise you up not tear you down.

From your posts I can tell your T does care about you. It's okay to go at your own pace. You'll share more when you're ready and you're doing a good job so far because you're doing your best and that's all that matters. You can't run before you can walk.

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. Do you have friends you can lean on and reach out to as well ?

So I meditated/focused on breathing with T for 3 minutes in session today. Like we both sat for that time in silence. It felt kind of odd. He told me he'd also focus on his breathing (apparently this exercise is something he does daily) and close his eyes during that time and assured me he wouldn't be staring at me. I still peeked twice to make sure he wasn't (his eyes were closed). He apparently does this fairly often with clients. And he wants me to practice it daily.

ETA: It's not that it felt odd to focus on breathing, as I take some yoga classes. It felt odd to sit in silence with T with our eyes closed, because one of us is always talking.

I used lightly sweetened Honest Tea to get off my soda habit a few years ago. That way you get some of the sugar, but not as much as soda. The green tea and honey flavor is pretty good, as is the peach white tea. They also have other flavors.

That sitting in silence eyes closed thing felt weird when I first did it w L too but over time it became relaxing. (I used to peek too haha)