Leaving before termination process/sessions

Hi all,

I don't think I am close to termination yet, however, I cannot help but anticipate how this will go. Like most people, I'm not very good with goodbyes, especially when it involves ending a close relationship. So I assume that when the topic of termination comes up in therapy, I will end up texting my T to cancel any last few sessions to avoid the conversations and feelings that would usually take place during termination sessions.

I've read a lot about why it's important to attend termination sessions, and I get it, but I personally feel it won't make 'too' much of a difference. It sucks, end of. I am, however, still interested to hear any experiences you may have had regarding ending therapy.

It will also be interesting to hear how the topic of termination came up in session for you. I personally may avoid bringing it up unless my T does. What's wrong with seeing a T for a very long time? It's good to have someone always there when you need them to help keep your mental health strong and stable, just as we do doctors?

Do what's best for you, there's nothing that says you have to go. You can always go back if you need to.

This wasn't ending therapy, but switching T's. I'd been seeing ex-T for 6 years and just felt stuck, particularly on a big issue for me (transference for ex-marriage counselor--it's complicated!) I made an appointment with a different T, thinking maybe I'd just see him for a month or two for consultation on that issue, then go back to ex-T. I'd I told her at the end of our last session together of my plans. I said if I ended up deciding to stay with him, I'd come back for some termination sessions with her. Well, I ended up staying with him and never went back for termination sessions. I realized I'd be doing that for her, not for me. (I did email her to let her know.)

My T has said that, in his experience, true "termination sessions" are the exception, not the rule. He said it's much more likely that, at the end of a seemingly normal session, a client will just say to him, "OK, so this was my last session." Or they might cancel a session then not return. He said he finds benefit in at least having, say, a 15-minute conversation about termination (rather than an abrupt announcement at the end), but doesn't think traditional termination sessions are absolutely necessary.

Also, welcome to PC! looks like this was your first post.

I get this fear, I had this fear. I got surprised with him leaving with 2 weeks notice. I had to process all my feelings very quickly, including deciding to go or not. I debated every single final session if I wanted to. I realized he wouldn't care either way if I did, but I would. Am I glad I went? Eh, in some ways I guess. I gave myself more time to vent and I was able to create more memories with him.... but at the same time, the pain is STILL with me, almost 5 months later. Every single day. I sometimes wonder if I'd cut and run, I'd be better off right now

All you can do, is decide what works for you

Same as you, I don't see anything wrong with seeing a T long-term. For me, it makes sense as good self-care for the general upkeep of one's psychological well-being. Unfortunately, some Ts are not keen on this. I guess in some instances it could do more harm than good (e.g. dependency, avoidance of 'real' life etc.) but otherwise, why not.

As for termination, there are no prescribed rules. You do as you see fit. IF you don't want to go to a termination session, that is fine. IF you want to go, that is fine as well. You must do what works for you, regardless of what or how others say you ought to do it.

I've never had a therapist use the word "termination".

I've ended therapy with 3 long-term therapists. We had last sessions, but only in one case did I go into that session knowing it would absolutely be the last. I wouldn't call it a termination session, nor did we have a series of termination sessions. We knew it was coming because I was moving. We pretty much kept up the normal routine until that last session where we said our goodbyes. While I was said to say goodbye, it wasn't particularly traumatic or anything. It was actually quite sweet and positive.

The other two just sort of ended because I felt finished at the time. We had sort of discussed the possibility that the time to be finished was coming, but it was entirely my decision to simply not return. In one case, during that period, the therapist took a new position and moved to another state. I was aware of it, and it wasn't really a big deal.

The most recent was going on 7 years ago I think. I truly felt I have no further need for therapy so I stopped going. I didn't call him or write to him. It wasn't a big deal. He knew it was coming; so did I. I was ready.

There is no one way to end your therapy. There is no rule about it needing to a termination session or sessions. Some people need that. For others, it is completely unnecessary. You do what is best for you.

My T terminated me... she gave me 6 weeks notice, I was devastated. As for the last 6 sessions, they were tense, sad and just simply dreadful.
I think I took it extra bad because I was attached and I had no choice but to accept she was leaving me, also because I took and still take it very personal. So we kinda just spent the last sessions with me arguing that I felt it was personal and I was hurt by her choice.
Was those 6 weeks productive and did I learn anything?! No not really, looking back we might aswell have ended then and there because even though I had a decent amount of warning, I still wasn't prepared to leave and say goodbye, and the final session was just atrocious.
I spent along time in my 2 years of therapy with her fearing abandonment and fearing saying goodbye to her, and that fear become justified I feel.
I haven't cope well in the last 4 months, I go from sadness, to neediness, to anger, but I think that's because I wasn't ready to leave and it wasn't my time to go.
I do think if it's the clients choice or a mutual decision, it woluld still be hard because it is a loss of a close relationship, however I feel it can be worked though in this circumstance. I on the other hand wish I had run away at the first sign of attachment!

I had termination sessions with two therapists. The first was my former T. Long term around 10 years. She got sick with MS and needed to stop seeing clients. It was horrible. She supported me while I found a new therapist and then we had a final termination session which I cried horribly all the way through. I wasn't ready to end therapy, I wasn't ready to end therapy with her, and although it was good to have a last goodbye, it was still incredibly painful. I'm still in pain about it to this day and it's been since September. Second time I had a termination session with a T I saw three times previously. I decided to go and have a termination session because I've always heard how important they were, blah, blah, blah. It was a horrible session and I just felt more horrible after it. I decided I wasn't going to do another termination session with a T if I could help it. So I'm not a big fan of termination sessions. Cut and run, that's my plan.....HUGS Kit

I always just stopped when I wanted. I see no reason to pay those guys to end. It is not a vote and I have no need to make them feel good about themselves.

I've both attended termination sessions and refused them (in a sort of leave before I could be left situation). I've also terminated therapy without any attachment and had zero feelings about it.

The termination I attended was really really positive for me.

I also don't regret fleeing when my group therapists decided to end our group.

So... I just go with my gut

I know some therapist are more solution-focused and generally see clients for 10-20 sessions. I wish we could all have our issues solved that quickly!! I've been in therapy for the better part of ten years and don't see myself ending things any time soon. Some of us need long term therapy to stay alive.

I'm fascinated by the therapeutic process so I got all giddy when I saw this thread.

I've had one "termination session", initiated by me, when I didn't even know it was a thing.

The first T I saw...who I am now seeing again...goes away every summer for three or so months. The first time I was seeing him, he referred me to someone else for the summer. The plan was to pick up when he got back in September.

Except I really liked this new T, and decided I wanted to stay with her. But I felt like I owed him an explanation, and an apology, so I asked to meet with him.

I told him I liked her, and wanted to continue with her, and I assume I apologized that I was leaving. I probably didn't tell him how badly I felt.

The only thing I remember from that session was him saying "I really appreciate you telling me in person and not over the phone or by email." For some reason, that had a huge impact on me.

I stayed with the second T for many years...four or five maybe...and we never officially ended things. I don't even remember how it happened. I know I was also doing online therapy (with her knowledge) and then I just kind of stopped going to see her I think. Then I started seeing online T in person (he was across the country, so I had to fly down once a week to see him). His ending was forced - he got sick with cancer and closed his practice, BUT, he still saw me via Skype, AND unbeknownst to me, was in the process of having his license revoked for bedding his clients, so everything kinda happened at once. So, we never formally terminated. He was available to me by Skype but then I started seeing current T again because i needed something more regular. Other T and I were Facebook friends and had a very close friendship but when I found out the real reason he quit practicing I unfriended him and sent him a very passionate letter ending our friendship.

Current T and I have discussed termination, not in the context of it's imminent because we both know I'm in this long term, but in the context of what it will look like when it's time. These conversations arose from my deep fear of abandonment and expressing that fear to him. He said I know probably know long before him that I'm ready to move on. And he said it will be a process that will unfold over several months and it will be mutual. We've talked at great length, actually, about termination, because it is such a huge deal for me (specifically involuntary termination). In this context, it's a very welcoming, reassuring, and comforting (albeit uncomfortable) conversation that I know will make things easier, or more fluid, or more natural when I decide to move on. Based on all this though, I will likely cut back gradually vs cutting the cord, unless something out of our control happens (he could get transferred, or one of us could get sick, etc.)

I didn't use to believe in termination sessions, but I think for some people they can provide significant value and be an integral part of the healing process, even when you think healing has occurred.

I like what Artley Wilkins wrote. I've been guilt-tripped by therapists about not attending termination sessions, but therapists here cost big money so I was always balancing doing therapy against buying my weekly groceries. Therefore I go with my gut. Thanks for freeing up my guilt @ArtleyWilkins!!