Couch 196: Cinnamon Swirls

I'm sorry you're struggling so much NP.

I think walls are there to protect us, and have become our go to survival mechanisms. It makes sense they would be up when we're triggered. You're not talking about something easy at all.

I hope you can connect with T. How long till your session?

He sounds very entitled. When we moved halfway across the country, we downsized to one car for several reasons that probably aren't important to this story. After we'd been here a while, he decided he needed his own car. I told him we could get him something used. Nope, not good enough. He wanted a new car. Keep in mind that he hadn't worked in many years, so no commute and no income, and I drive a 14 year old car that we bought used. And he rarely went anywhere during the day even when he drove me to work. He was just too damn good to drive a used car. I even remember a horrible incident where he yelled and cursed at me because I didn't want to buy him a new car. You shouldn't have to put up with him just doing whatever he wants. You're married and it should be a partnership not a dictatorship. It's your financial future also.

Sometimes I honestly do larf out loud reading replies.

I'm gonna add it to our dictionary.

Thanks, Lemoncake. About 4 hours or so. I'm at work and I really need to accomplish something today. My work has been suffering lately.

Dictionary so far (NB it's done according to first letter )

Breggsit
coucharoonios
Couchketeers.
Choco-bomination
Defenestrate
Dr. T
extremeties
ex-MC
gosling
ibuprophen
junior cat emeritus
Mr T
non-performing hair
Polio water
punsteroids
Invigilator
SIM cards
sweetcakes
polyamuse something
russian ambassador
The woman
Uranusality

ad astra per aspera
dance with the cat.
blowing raspberries on your belly.
You got your ibupro- in my fen-phen
Women are allowed to take up space

This would be a deal breaker for me. A spouse who forced me out of my home, who disregarded my financial security, who shows signs that he will never attempt to change his approach, thus leaving my future uncertain, stressful, and relationally isolated, is a spouse I would have to get away from. Errors, mistakes, hard times are one thing, but this is of his own making and he fully intends to continue this way. I just couldn't live that way.

Just remember to tell yourself that you're doing the best you can. Working when you're not well is not easy at all.

Do you also have a post therapy winding down routine?

Tater tots. Well, not every time, but some sessions just require tater tots afterwards.

I've watched them all.

I started with the books, years ago. GRR Martin seriously needed an editor. I found them a frustrating read because it was nearly impossible to figure out which character and/or events were important (not actually all that many) and which ones (2,333,342 of them LOL) were not.

When the HBO series started, I watched and actually really like the series because they were wise and simplified Martin's mess a bit. It's been well acted, albeit rather overly violent/sexual at times, but I've found now I can reread the books and make more sense of them because of the decent job the show writers did, particularly in the first 3-4 seasons. I have a good visual (the expanse is much larger than I originally visualized . . . I had a similar reaction to LoTR movies vs. books).

The television writers didn't have a completed book series, so these last few seasons started diverting from the last books, and of course, we have no idea how close, particularly, the last several seasons are to Martin's vision, since he hasn't actually written those books yet.

I was okay with how they ended the televised series. It makes sense if you consider it from a literary/archetypal/structural viewpoint and aren't just watching because you like the sex/violence, etc. The English department is full of GoT readers and viewers, so we've enjoyed the debates about this last season. It's been fun -- no therapy needed. LOL.

Not good. Did some more SH-ing today. Finally gave in and took some xanax. HUGS Kit

I always wondered why George Martin used the R R. Now I get it—Tolkein!

Didn’t get through the first page of the first book. I was bored within record time. Haven’t watched the show...yet I feel like I know the characters already.

Oops. I meant GRR Martin (habit). But you are right. I think Martin was attempting a massive fantasy world, similar to Tolkien. Not as successful in writing quality; some great ideas though. Just not a friendly read at all. Easier with a visual now though.

My person watched it for awhile until the violence got to be too much for her. The violence was too much for me in about the first 5 minutes. I would walk the dogs while she watched the first season or so

Definitely were parts I watch with my eyes closed. Fortunately, having done the reading, most of the time I knew what was coming. They were actually pretty true to the book, but the visual was a bit much. These were NOT nice characters nor was Westeros a pleasant world.

I think it's technically his money. Altho i agree with you, i couldnt live that way either.

I'm getting three of my medications today at the pharmacy. I was about to run out so I am glad that they have them in stock. I have to ask them about the other one. The app says something like it's in progress or something. I do have some samples of those I could use so I'm not so concerned but it would be nice to have the actual medication. Talking to the pharmacist is always anxiety producing for me. HUGS Kit

I went to go interview with a family last night for a possible job. I left feeling like it would not be a good fit. I am speaking with another on the phone Tuesday. Hopefully that will turn into a in person meeting.

HUGS @Jersey 4. I hope you can find a family that will be a good fit for you quickly. I'm sure that is anxiety producing. HUGS Kit

My response would be, technically, we are married and when your financial issues affect my life, then it really doesn't matter whose money it technically is; we have a problem that we should be working through together because we are both involved here.

It would take A LOT for me to feel it necessary to end a marriage. I mean, I'm in my 33rd year of our relationship and it has not been a bed of roses, but the more I read about this, the more I realize this would one of those deal breakers for me. I think it is the utter disregard and disrespect for SP as a partner in their marriage and the unwillingness to put the health of the marriage above materialism that I'm reacting to. No matter how difficult things have gotten in our relationship, I've never for a minute felt my husband didn't value our marriage, our family, or me as the individual I am. I've never felt betrayed. This feels like a betrayal.

SP, I hope this gets worked out, and I hope you don't lose yourself in the process. Don't let that happen. You are worthy of being valued and respected. Accept no less.

I don't know if it is the SH or the xanax but I am definitely feeling less anxious. Not that I am promoting SH as a good way to deal with things, just sometimes things happen. My goal is to not get into a big vicious cycle with the SH right now and not let it go on for days and days. I feel like I'm not done yet, so I am trying to be gentle to myself if I do end up doing more. I remember former T would sometimes tell me to slow down when I was in an SH cycle. Boy do I miss her. Current T talked to me about SUI and if I am feeling that way, she wants me to talk to her first before I do anything like make an attempt. She said to call the office or the answering service and give them my name and number. The office will likely say she is booked for 3 and a half weeks, but if it is a crises she will see me on her lunch or after hours. She said she would make it work. That's good. I am having some SUI thoughts but they're just thoughts. I'm 100% sure I'm not going to act on them, but at least I know there's another avenue besides going to the ER if I get stuck in that thought mode and become not sure if I'll be safe. I wish I could lay down and take a nap but I have work and then PDOC tonight. I think the xanax made me sleepy. HUGS Kit

SK-keep writing it out here if it’s helping. We are listening.

Can you reach out to T and let her know. Crisis mode is scary and if T has offered after hours I would take her up on her offer. Maybe she could see you sooner than saturday.

I've seen the HBO Chernobyl trailer. That gets added to my list.

I got up to book 4- but mainly listened to the audiobooks version at the gym or whilst studying. I gave up on the first LOTR book.

The air conditioner guys are coming today or this week, so i got the place straightened up for them. The pool is open, but it is barely 50 degrees F out there today! Thats practically freezing!

But it makes the apartment nice and breezy and cool so i am cleaning up. It feels like i am catching up to time, like its not running over me so fast anymore. Here it is only Monday and i am already feeling caught up on chores. Of course, its because im so far behind, i lapped myself! I just threw out my Medicare book from 2016.