[Kiya]

...or rather it lacking. It bums me out some. I sed to have pretty good communication. I've now been with 3 T's.. well 4, but i don't count the first one. So of the three, the middle one was best. I could email, call, was encouraged to call when things were bad, was made to call daily when suicidal. We still email updates even though i don't see her because she still cares. my third one was ok about it. would respond to dire phone or email messages. could write what ever i wanted when ever.
now, my current one (#4) i really have no contact with ever. i can write email, but she only ever gets it right before my session. like 15 minutes before. I can call but chances are slim that i'll get a call back. i keep forgetting to find out what I should do if things get real bad (like last night and today). I almost called the crisis line for the center there, but i always pull myself out of it, thinking 'I'm not that bad off". i really must remember to ask her about that. it is terrible to think one is alone in the darkest times.
kiya

[Perna]

One is alone in one's darkest times. It's "nice" to have a T to call or e-mail but I find it a bit of an illusion. Most of my bad times were aggravated because I wasn't able yet to be present and catch/tell my T what was going on during sessions. As soon as I quit writing her letters (and mailing them to her office) several times a week and restricted myself to being with her during sessions and only communicating with her during sessions, I started to improve really really fast. That was only after about 6-7 years! I still remember the day I started to drive home (1-1/2 to 2 hour drive) and, usually, I'd be upset and crying about something but I looked around inside myself and it was all "quiet" and peaceful and there were no monsters or bogs anymore threatening me. That made me look harder :-) and I was amazed that "nothing" happened. I couldn't upset myself even trying to.

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
i keep forgetting to find out what I should do if things get real bad

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Kiya, I think it is really a good idea for you to work out with your T an "action plan" about what to do if you feel you are in a crisis. Like, does your T want you to call her, call a crisis center, call a trusted friend or family member? It is important to have a plan so that when you are in crisis, you don't have to think about what you are supposed to do, you just do it.

My T does not take phone calls about therapy related issues, in general, just scheduling and so on. He's a really busy guy and keeps therapy to the one hour a week I pay him for. He is even bad about answering calls about scheduling, and I have learned not to depend on him for this. He does accept brief emails, but not the kind where the client pours out her heart in paragraph after paragraph. I really have to have a good reason to email him and try to keep it to no more than a few sentences. There was one time I was in a bad way and shot off a long email to my lawyer, and got a call back from my T! I guess L called T and told him to call me. He gave me a supportive call and also wanted to know why I hadn't called him if I was having such trouble. Frankly, it never occurred to me! I didn't know he would give support over the phone when times were bad. Anyway, he said call him again in a similar situation, but one hasn't arisen. I'm not sure I would, anyhow. I am very respectful of his boundaries, and probably do just as much at maintaining them as he does.

I think one thing that can help ease your mind and stop your T's email and phone behavior from being a source of frustration is to discuss them with her so that there is clear understanding of her policy. Then you won't be disappointed if you don't get a call or email back because you know it is not her policy. And this can save you from attempting to contact her when there will be no response (which can hurt!).

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
it is terrible to think one is alone in the darkest times.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">That is indeed so very hard. One of the first things my first T had me do work on building up my support network outside of therapy. She told me she couldn't do it all. So I worked on building up relationships with friends and family. It was hard since I was so depressed, but it was a worthwhile goal and I made some progress. Do you have any support besides your T?

[Kiya]

Perna, Sunrise, thanks for the posts - it is good feedback to know when I am not speaking clearly about something.

That's what i mean, I know not to expect from her. She does want me to email because I don't say everything (sometimes I don't have access to the information), but I know to to expect to hear from her. I have only called twice - I know her phone is only a message phone and that I probably won't be hearing back.

Reading Pink's posts makes me miss my former t's communication style. But it is also good for me to know that not all t's are like her's or my old one.

I really don't have a support network any more. I had one in the certain school i was in.. But we all went seperate directions with our lives and I don't feel i can utilize that any more. My current friends are situational (work) and i don't feel like risking everything with them. One gal knows i have "issues" as she calls them because she is more perceptive than the others and watches me closely (makes me a little nervous sometimes). I don't want to appear needy, clingy, or like someone who needs constant attention. I don't want friends to worry about me. The one friend who really knows me lives 1400 miles away and our friendship has had 17 years to build.

This job is almost over, so i will tread lightly and see if my situational friendship strengthens or peters out.

Perna, i'm editing to add that my 2nd T told me to call when times were bad because "I went through it alone the first time, I don't need to go it alone the second." Perhaps it is an illusion. When i really needed her, sometimes of course she wasn't there. She'd say to call every half hour until i got her. ... but Sometimes she still wasn't there. ANd sometimes I'd feel so stupid for calling (when she'd answer) i swore I'd not call again.
kiya