I’m finding therapy really stressful right now

My T and I had a rupture. I really don’t want to stop going, I like her so much, and when my therapy goes well it is helpful. Right now it’s harmful. It’s 3am and I have come downstairs and am drinking beer as I feel so stressed it’s affecting my heart. I don’t generally drink as alcohol doesn’t agree with me, but I thought it would help the stress. I really want to believe that I have a good T, but she hasn’t been great over this rupture. I need to discuss it again with her, I think the mark of a good T is one who can be humble when there is a rupture. I want to tell her the story of the rupture I had with my previous T who died and how humble and respectful she was. I really wish she hadn’t died. She was the best T ever. Does anyone have a humble T?

I am just starting to feel like things are going better with my T after our rupture. I felt things were also being harmful and finally told her that I needed to take a break from therapizing while not taking a break from seeing her. We ended up doing jig saw puzzles for 6 weeks (18 sessions). I think there may have been 2 or 3 sessions in there that we talked, most sessions consisted of less than 10 sentences that wasn't just generic jig saw puzzle commentary. It's been about a month now since we started talking again.

Sometimes it takes time, give yourself the time.

And for what it's worth, I agree that a good T is one that can handle a rupture well and acknowledge their role in the rupture. I think my T is a good one. I'm not sure she handled it well in the beginning. She has been patient and has been more what I needed of her since it blew up. She never apologized, she has acknowledged that perhaps timing wasn't right or things did not land as intended, not well received.

Is this your first rupture with this T? What would her being humble look like? You have an example from your past, could sharing that here in contrast to what your current T is doing be helpful?

I'm sorry therapy has been so stressful recently. I understand well the dilemma of feeling stuck in a rupture, but not wanting to leave.

My T is pretty great about owning her part in ruptures, which has made all the difference in the world after some pretty terrible previous therapy experiences.

Do you feel comfortable sharing with her what you need from her to feel able to move forward?

Yes it’s our first rupture. I wish would apologise.

We have made a plan for how we will do things differently in future, and I am going to talk to her more about the rupture next time. I have no idea how the conversation will go.

I am not sure that what happened between T and I this week would be a rupture, I had an aweful day leading into an aweful session and he pushed pushed me rather than supporting me. I sent an email of all the things that went wrong and then was still a total mess so I called. He left a message while I was at work (knowing I was working and couldn’t answer).
T’s message was very kind and humble. Actually, T was humble to the point where I needed to send an email letting him know we were OK. He owned up to having seen in session that I was having a hard time and that he kept encouraging me to take a major risk. It was not the session to take a risk. My mini goal for that session was relax/rest and he pushed. But, T acknowledged that he doesn’t always know what will help or not or if his style of doing thing will be useful to me. He hopes we can talk about it because he very much wants to help.

I'm sorry you're stressed from the rupture. Hopefully your T will listen. Sorry your previous T died, you must miss her, she sounds like a good T. Let's hope your T will understand!

It sounds painful. I think with ruptures sometimes the thing to do is keep talking through them, or take a break like Elio did, which also seems really helpful. I think it's hard to talk through a rupture because of all the feelings involved and the emotions being hurt and sensitive (at least that is how I would be). But it seems like the way forward. I hope you can get things figured out with this T and move forward in your therapy. HUGS Kit

Can you say more about the rupture, like what happened?

Hugs,Cool

I don't know if I'd describe the one I see as humble exactly, but she receives and responds to criticism and anger well. She doesn't get all defensive or go on the attack. She has apologized for some things - not 100% of the time, but I actually see that as a good thing. If she apologized every time I expressed discontent with something she did, it would not seem genuine to me. I refuse to apologize for things if I am not actually sorry myself, so I appreciate the same in others.

I don’t want to identify myself by saying exactly what happened, though I would like to hear other’s opinions on it.

Sounds good that she has apologised for somethings.

Im so sorry you and your t are going through a rupture. Thats what happen to me with the previous therapist i had til last month. He pushed me and got no where for a year and a half. I kept trying to tell him that therapy would still help me and he kept on bringing up AA as a solution to all my problems. I am 18 months sober by the way. Almost all my sessions would turn into why didn't i get a sponsor yet and that AA would be able to handle my trauma. I stayed with him because i attend a day program also i knew he was going to retire, Now i have a better therapist have seen her for a month now. Sometimes a rupture no matter what as client we can talk about it but if it is like my previous therapist i had it will be difficult. I never got a apology infact my last session he blamed me for not getting better for not giving AA a chance. It has been very difficult to go through and even now with my new t im still scared and do not want to feel guilty for not giving AA another chance ect. I have found other recovery groups that have helped me stay sober and pc helps, day, ect. Sorry to go on about me. Hugs