Couch 198: All the Countries Couch

My T has admitted to provoking me before, so it's certainly possible a T might try to upset you.

I'm being dumb, and I know I'm being dumb, but my feelings are hurt.

There was a big party at work last night. I know this is petty, but I'm really bummed that I didn't win an award from the nurses (they pick their favorite resident). That hurt, since I try really hard to be a good colleague to them... but the thing that's really grinding my gears is that my work frenemy won it instead.

I know I'm being a doofus, but this really stings :/

I hope not but at the same time it makes the most sense right now. I tend to focus on what he does right and the positives in therapy but I think he is used to women yelling at him. If he was trying to upset me he got himself a whole lot of crap to deal with Monday. I don’t think he will be getting the reaction he was expecting if he did provoke it. I don’t get angry... so I will either be very submissive and timid beyond what he has already seen in me or he will trigger the reactive part and all h* will break loose...

Last night was the kids' year-end choir sleepover, and several of the guys were up until 4:30 a.m. playing a new board game. I chaperoned, so I was awake pretty late, then I got up and made them all pancakes, which has proven to be the best way to get teen boys out of bed without nagging. I took a nap when we got home, but I still feel punchy and gross.

I am trying to motivate myself to go work in the garden and see if the sun and movement make me feel any better.

Most of the world are doofuses, then, because that would just burn my britches too, and most of the people I know.



What a dumb award. I am sure the intent is to make sure the residents remember or learn to be considerate to the nurses, but "awards" like that always turn into a social tangle. Yuck.

That's the important thing.

Ok this is going to sound stakerish but I have quite a few photos of him that I have downloaded over the years. I started out writing him texts and emails that I saved to draft are you saying responding to them would help?
I am still booked in to another T in August but I seem to be stuck in the "you started this you should finish this, T" mindset. There are things specifically about him, his physical appearance being so much like my brothers that I can't see how talking with another T would help.

Is this real Latin or is Dwight making it up?

Hmmmmmm....

But they don't do anything to avoid a rupture, either. And since we expect friends and intimates to sense the strain and compensate with conciliation, the deliberate refusal of a T to do so feels like provocation.

Can someone please put this to their T? I'd like to hear their response.

You know it doesn't take your skills away. I can see how it would hurt.

"The only thing you need to know about awards is that Mozart never won one."

I hope so, CE. I do hope so.

Still watching son's plane on flightaware.com. he's over wyoming now, getting closer! woohoo!

Just made myself a bowl of Cream of Wheat hot cereal for dinner. Mmm. Comfort food. H is on a job up north a bit will be home in a couple hours.

I know I need to go into the hospital for a meds. check. I was okay at first, but the more I go, the more afraid I get. I am just afraid because I've been in the hospital before and I hated it. d

I also feel like I am not close to my T at the moment. I feel distanced. I just don't feel well.

@anastasia I'm sorry you don't feel well. Hope you can get the meds sorted out and feel better soon.

No (though octo and de are Latin words). Even if it were Latin it would be completely ungrammatical and not mean what it’s said to mean.

I haven't asked this specifically of my T. But recently, I thought he was being much more brief than usual in replying to my emails intentionally to send a message, to try to get me to email less, something like that. So I told him that. He said he would never do that intentionally, that he was just strapped for time then. That if he was trying to get me to reduce emails he'd just talk to me about it. Which all made me feel better.

I'm so tired of
wanting, needing
to
"do the right thing"
when there's really actually
no such thing
as "the right
thing"

There is a right thing—for you. Perhaps you let others’ idea of the right thing be your idea of the right thing when it is not the actual right thing for you.

As some one who sometimes has the same problem.

Exactly. Plus once you evolve past amoeba, things get complicated!

Can I just stay an amoeba?

Amoebas have no fun in life.

Like T. Roosevelt said, “far better it is to dare mighty things, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor amoebas who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in that gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.”

They are smaller than even lentils ya know

Hmm, i may have to fact-check that presidential quote. Sounds like fake amoeba news to me!

I'm ok with being smaller than a lentil.