Couch 199: The Unennennium Couch

Jul 04, 2019, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Well, yeah, I think this may be the topic of our next session. (Info does know her professionally though I don't think they're friends. No. 1 recommended Info to me, in fact.)

I was actually fine before I knew she retired--I had had a couple years ago what art's L would probably call a closure dream (No. 1 and I were sitting talking in a gazebo in the autumn) and I did send her a letter thanking her for everything.

But, here's what brought the whole topic of No. 1 up. I've been decluttering and I found a stuffed animal No. 1 insisted on loaning me for my surgery fall 2015. I tried to return it before leaving the country temporarily that winter, and she told me to hold onto it and bring it back when I was seeing her again. I stuck it in a box (never really wanted it in the first place, she just kept insisting). I found it in the same box last month. I mentioned it to Info, and that I was going to mail it back to No. 1, and she said, "oh, you can't do that, she retired."

So part of the problem is I feel like I shouldn't have this loaned stuffed animal, but now I have no way to get it back to her. Info said I could give it to Goodwill, but I feel like it's not mine to give away. Then Info said No. 1 probably doesn't mind at all, and it's OK to keep things from former therapists even if they were just loans (or you helped yourself to them--I guess a client once took a shiny pebble from this dish Info has on her table).

If anyone has any ideas about the stuffed animal and what to do with it, I'm all ears. I really can't buy Info's "it's OK to keep things from former therapists even if you're not supposed to have them" thing. If I could solve that or feel better about it it would help.

I know you said you don’t feel like it’s yours to give away but would it help then to bring it to Info’s office? Leave it there somewhere? If she has a closet or even she can leave it out for other clients but it must stay in the office? So then you really aren’t giving it away...but just putting it to use....?

LonesomeTonight · Jul 04, 2019, 01:10 PM

I'm not sure what to tell you re: stuffed animal @@--why is it that you can't send it back to her now that she's retired? Is it the fact that she's retired or because you wouldn't know how to contact her?

It's interesting that you said a client has taken a pebble from a dish at Info's, because T said a client did the same thing with him and admitted it when he terminated. And that he'd talked about using it as a transitional object. It was that story that made me feel OK asking for the stone, because it felt like T "got it" and I didn't want to steal something. I thought wrong... I think he does get it now at least!

atisketatasket · Jul 04, 2019, 01:29 PM

I don’t have an address for No. 1. I googled but saw only her old address (it was the house she sold shortly after I started seeing her).

Pebble might not be the right word—they are pebbles but cut and polished and they each have a Chinese character on them? Info said she doesn’t keep anything in her office she wouldn’t mind a client taking.

Lemoncake · Jul 04, 2019, 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Well, yeah, I think this may be the topic of our next session. (Info does know her professionally though I don't think they're friends. No. 1 recommended Info to me, in fact.)

I was actually fine before I knew she retired--I had had a couple years ago what art's L would probably call a closure dream (No. 1 and I were sitting talking in a gazebo in the autumn) and I did send her a letter thanking her for everything.

But, here's what brought the whole topic of No. 1 up. I've been decluttering and I found a stuffed animal No. 1 insisted on loaning me for my surgery fall 2015. I tried to return it before leaving the country temporarily that winter, and she told me to hold onto it and bring it back when I was seeing her again. I stuck it in a box (never really wanted it in the first place, she just kept insisting). I found it in the same box last month. I mentioned it to Info, and that I was going to mail it back to No. 1, and she said, "oh, you can't do that, she retired."

So part of the problem is I feel like I shouldn't have this loaned stuffed animal, but now I have no way to get it back to her. Info said I could give it to Goodwill, but I feel like it's not mine to give away. Then Info said No. 1 probably doesn't mind at all, and it's OK to keep things from former therapists even if they were just loans (or you helped yourself to them--I guess a client once took a shiny pebble from this dish Info has on her table).

If anyone has any ideas about the stuffed animal and what to do with it, I'm all ears. I really can't buy Info's "it's OK to keep things from former therapists even if you're not supposed to have them" thing. If I could solve that or feel better about it it would help.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't see why you can't just post it back. She's retired but still able to get mail. (unless she obviously didn't work from home and had an office but even then I've been able to find people's address online on google relatively easy).

EDIT: i didn't see your post above when I posted. In the uk if you have a company you have to register it and total earnings. The records are searchable online, which usually has a list of a registered address. Maybe you have something similar in the US and see if you can search the name of her practice? Maybe she's on Facebook or Linkedin and you can contact her there ?

But to be honest failing all of that, I'd just chuck it. Never lend something you don't mind losing .

atisketatasket · Jul 04, 2019, 02:01 PM

I can’t trash it, either. It meant something to No. 1 once (might still now). She said it had been a gift, and there were two other stuffed animals in the same pattern (different animals, though).

I think I will ask Info to email her and ask what she wants.

Jul 04, 2019, 02:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

Happy Birthday, Artie! May you have a wonderful day.

Thanks Lost!

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Happy Birthday, Art!

Thank you LT!

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Your birthday is a national holiday! I look forward to Trump mentioning it in his speech tonight!

Yep, every year the country celebrates my bday! haha about Trump's speech.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Happy birthday Artie!

Thanks Scarlet!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChickenNoodleSoup

Happy birthday, Art. Hope you have a wonderful and fun day!

Thanks Soup!

we're going over to our friend's house this evening for dinner, drinks and fireworks. should be fun!

Jul 04, 2019, 02:29 PM

omg h is having a field day right now lecturing our son on how he can save money and buy a house. a lot of it is good information i just wish he would leave out the little jab jab jabs and i told you so's.

atisketatasket · Jul 04, 2019, 03:21 PM

So tell him that. It would probably mean the world to your son to see his mom stick up for him.

Jul 04, 2019, 03:56 PM

I did, actually, after he got done talking.

WarmFuzzySocks · Jul 04, 2019, 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Taken out of context, this might seem quite an alarming statement.

(8)

WarmFuzzySocks · Jul 04, 2019, 04:12 PM

@@, could you just mail the stuffie to the old address? It will probably get forwarded.

WarmFuzzySocks · Jul 04, 2019, 04:19 PM

Potato salad is done, bbq beans are done, jug of tea is made, water balloons are filled, our potluck "tables" (old doors on sawhorses) are up, games are out. Family 4th back yard picnic is all ready, and I'm waiting for everyone to arrive.

atisketatasket · Jul 04, 2019, 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WarmFuzzySocks

@@, could you just mail the stuffie to the old address? It will probably get forwarded.

Not sure forwarding goes past six months? (By the way, this is like the ugliest stuffed animal ever. It’s I think a stegosaurus covered in this really hideous upholstery pattern.)

And, guys, thanks for all your suggestions. You’re awesome.

Jul 04, 2019, 05:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Yes, something like that could work. And you don't need to tell the whole story all at once in order to work with him. You also may not need to tell him everything. I found with current T, there was stuff I didn't feel as much of a need to tell him about early on because I'd already processed it some with ex-T and it wasn't as relevant to where I was when I started working with him. Versus when I started working with ex-T 6 years before that. I've filled in most everything over the course of the last 20 months, but it wasn't all at once, more as needed. And he had an intake form where I filled out a lot of the basics. Please give him a chance.

ETA: Also, regarding just using the 10 funded sessions, I'd just ask him if you can go beyond that if you want (I assume that just means you would pay?)

I know I should but he is so different from exT, exT would never say"I had a client who...." or tell me had 3 dogs and wanting to sell one. I didn't know anything about my exT from him it was like a treasure hunt digging things up from google.

Jul 04, 2019, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

BCM, try to hold on to the fact that you said you liked him. Maybe he could also possibly see you after the 10 sessions if you asked.

He sounds like a good thing for you, but there's still nothing stopping you from seeing if there's anyone else.

Yes but the thing is I REALLY liked my exT from the first time I saw him. I think this guy is strictly a short term as he only lists short term therapies on an old website I found.

Jul 04, 2019, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Each time you tell it, it hurts a little less.

I suppose so but I like to pretend it doesn't affect me.

Jul 04, 2019, 05:44 PM

I follow an American comic and there seems to be a joke about the 4th July and potato salad that I am not quite understanding. Is it like a traditional dish for the day with no tradition attached to it and hence the joke?

Jul 04, 2019, 05:45 PM

Happy birthday to Art I think said before but I forgot

Jul 04, 2019, 05:45 PM

Has anyone seen Yesterday the movie? I am going today with my D

88Butterfly88 · Jul 04, 2019, 05:47 PM

Jul 04, 2019, 05:58 PM

Hope the California peeps are ok I don't if there are any but hope you are ok

unaluna · Jul 04, 2019, 06:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

Has anyone seen Yesterday the movie? I am going today with my D

I wanna see that! That should be fun with your D!

Jul 04, 2019, 06:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

I wanna see that! That should be fun with your D!

I will give a review after I see it.

unaluna · Jul 04, 2019, 06:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

I follow an American comic and there seems to be a joke about the 4th July and potato salad that I am not quite understanding. Is it like a traditional dish for the day with no tradition attached to it and hence the joke?

The bit about white people's potato salad not having enough seasoning? Is it OMKalen from Ellen? I love him, he is so hilarious!