Couch 199: The Unennennium Couch

Didn’t try it yet. I suspect I got it because I had a coupon for two and they only had 2 gf flavors at the store.

It is butter popcorn flavored with fudge and caramel.

If you need any volunteers, I'm available..

Well, i am pretty good at denial and conversion, so i can probably convince myself it is butter coffee!

I did. I had to get it out of my head so I could move forward with work and stuff today. It was pretty brief (a few sentences), mostly saying that I thought he'd understand my initial email was about attachment. That I felt dismissed by his reply, how he seemed to be making light of my fears and struggles with his being away.

I'm glad you made the choice that's best for you.

My standards are lower. I'm good to go as long as it's freeee!

Session got canceled again. I don't know why. Receptionist called and said something else had come up (apart from the therapist's mom dying, I guess). I was going to let C go and take the appointment on Monday for myself since she hasn't seen the therapist in a month. Now she'll have the Monday appointment and who knows when I'll be able to get in.

I hope nobody else has died. The therapist texted on Wednesday to make the Monday appointment and she said she was still going to be there on Friday. I wonder what happened. Maybe she just needs more time. C had told her when she first texted after her mom died that she would see her next week if she couldn't come on Friday. But the therapist said she would be there.

Feeling sorry for myself.

Yes, still studying. My closest relatives are 2 hours away. I have nobody here.

Hi couch! I had a fun birthday yesterday celebrating with our friends, we went to their house yesterday for dinner, malibu rum/pineapple juice drinks mmmm, birthday cake, fireworks and conversation. I'm off work today and trying to do my homework that's due tonight, have to review 4 poems of my classmates (only 4 instead of 6 this week cuz one gal didn't turn hers in yay for us but bad for her grade) and respond to a couple of classmates discussion posts.

Happy Birthday @ArtieSwimsOn!

I've emailed L stuff in the past where I needed just to send it away from me because I was too all up in my head and sending it off to her helped me get outta my head.

Thanks! I had a good day, and my birthday cake even had glitter-coated candles!

I'm sorry your session got canceled.

I wish I could think of something to cheer myself up. This depression is such a heavy weight. If only my sister would come visit me.

What kind of cake was it, Artie?

Marble with lemon frosting (I like lemon).
i changed the pic a little heehee

Meanwhile my son's gf is really feeling down today, they are trying to get in to see a duplex that's available for rent hoping they can work something out if they like it. Doesn't help how she feels that h is constantly on my son to find a new place to live. I'm afraid if we keep pushing so hard they're going to just take the first place they can get and end up with bed bugs again. I mean they've been here what 2 weeks maybe I've lost track. 2 weeks of which they each work 40 hours a week so they don't have a ton of spare time to find a new place to live and they have only one day off in common. It's really hard for my son because his gf has depression and this situation is making it bad. He's only 20 how is he supposed to deal with that plus their situation? I feel so bad for them both. All I can do is be here if/when they want to talk. Damn I wish L wasn't on vacation this week.

I feel some sort of nebulous anxiety arising. This week has felt really long and difficult. I've squashed some painful stuff away, but I'm not sure I can keep it at bay. My therapist's letter helped somewhat, but it's only Friday.

Your son got through your depression when he was a kid/teen, right? That experience will probably help him now.

I hate the 4th of july and the fact that wahoos with fireworks shoot them off all week. They are illegal in my city, but the cops don't enforce the law - they are too busy shooting people's dogs and raiding a dying man's house because he had some pot for pain.

Thanks and yes, he was in middle school I believe back then. That experience is likely serving him well now, yes. He also has his own t that he still goes back and sees every now and then when he needs to, he's really good at knowing himself well enough to know when he needs to, and she's been very helpful for him. I'm SO thankful for that. He's got such a good head on his shoulders I shouldn't worry so much about him but I guess that's just my mama bear instincts... I dunno.

well i got one poem reviewed now. this classmate didn't include any questions with hers this week so that makes it easier for me to just write my thoughts. On to the next one...

Thank you. It wasn't as bad as I had in my head, but the fact that it was my regular obgyn helped. I still broke down in tears when talking about what happened. I wish I could talk to my T but I don't want to bother him like always.

Yes, this is kind of what it does for me. T and ex-T (and other people) have asked why I don't just journal. But it's like I need to hand the thoughts over to someone else. Which I think is part of what posting in here can be about to me. Sometimes "Dear T" just isn't enough though.

Now my T just sent me the following by text: "Thought you were joking, so I misread your email. Sorry about that." I have no idea if he read my latest email and was responding to that, or noted my lack of reply to his text and figured he should say something else. I guess it doesn't really matter?