[starfishblue]

I can't stand it anymore. I miss my life. I used to be happy and loved my life - good job, great husband, everything sunshine and roses - and then life crept in......cancer (me - survivor), drug addiction and alcohol (him) rehab, addiction, rehab, addiction, over and over again until...divorce...... deep depression (me)....that never ends. I cry, and cry, some more. How do I let go of all I ever wanted? I miss my life. When does the pain stop????

[sidony]

Starfishblue!

I'm so sorry. I miss my life too. Used to have a job I loved and a wonderful lover whom I'd been with for years. Then my relationship ended and I lost my job. Now my old lover's with someone new. Lost all my enthusiasm and joy. Managed to hold onto therapy and that helped. I'm slowly feeling better. I have a sense of everything being second-rate to the past, but maybe one day it will have more value. All you can do is hang on and wait for that. It will come. I keep remembering a line from some song "Everybody has to leave the darkness sometime." Have hope. (((Starfishblue)))

Sidony

the sad dark truth in life is that nothing stays the same.. i am sorry so much changed so drastically for you. It's unfair and it must hurt like hell. You sound so very sad. i truly am sorry. You know, i read a theory recently that said that we dont really ever have happy periods in life that last very long, instead we have moments of happiness that either add up to a pleasant time frame or not. So, in each day there will be moments of happiness as simple perhaps as thinking your morning coffee is good and it brings a smile. In the end all we have are the moments of happiness, it's all we have in our grasp.. the past is gone and the future isn't ours yet.

i hope you find moments of happiness... seek them out in small things. Hoard them.

be gentle with yourself

[sunrise]

starfish, it is hard to build a new life amidst so much pain. I've heard that it takes 2 years or so after the divorce to start feeling normal again.

Are you seeing a therapist? A therapist could help you rebuild. If you aren't seeing a therapist and need to choose one, you might look for one with an approach stemming from the human potential movement. Helping rebuild is one of the tasks they excel at.

Take care.

[starfishblue]

Sidony: thank you for giving me hope
Fluff: thank you for the moment of happiness
Sunrise: thank you for the hug - and yes, I see a T - almost 4
years now. I am going to look into the approach you spoke of.

I am feeling somewhat better today. What gives me the greatest hope is knowing you are all here with support when I really need it.

Thanks,
Starfishblue

[tulips30]

Your 1st post did seem very sad. I understand what you mean by mourning the past. I have felt that way alot in the last 18months. Sometimes I wonder if I'm remembering it the way it really was or if I have distorted it. Confusing.

The people here are so nice. Always willing to listen and share some thoughts. You have found a good place to land when you need to do so.

tulips

[okiedokie]

Hi Starfish,
I'm sorry you're suffering too. Divorce is painful. Been there, done that.

Welcome to PC. Be sure to check out the divorce forum inside the relationship forum. May be of some help to you.
Best,
Okie