Couch 201: The Transformative Grammar Couch

Hugs, Scarlet.

One of the first things I learned that and all guns are loaded

He gave me the distinct impression he was not taking on new clients and was pursuing other activities that did not include clients.

I can't find his referral letter but it does state he is no longer seeing therapy clients.

My shadow is having some very-not-me thoughts about that, BCM. I'm so sorry you're finding this out. Sending hugs.

He has got rid of all his previous clients. I wonder what he is doing instead. He did say in the email he won't see anyone with acute or self harm issues. Maybe he is tired to that.

Actually I don't think it was stupid at all I think it has now cemented in my mind the suspicions I had about him.

I am watching a youtube talk by a guy who came up with a program to get rid of emetophobia. The whole thing is one giant red flag. He hits on all the main points a con man would. Promises a cure, a few testimonials and description of how you have to believe in it enough for it to work. Grim. He probably has the comments disabled in case someone points it out

Oh here is the final red flag, the facebook page is a "positive" space only meaning don't talk about the reality of this nonsense

Sometimes I feel like I am screaming into the void. At the people I know.. like how are you guys ok? How are you calm? Do you not feel this inner frustration and turmoil that I do? Do you not feel this inner void that is constantly there? Do you not feel the need to run away with all your might? Do you not feel this inner loneliness? I feel stuck.. I feel angry.. What is it that I am missing?

Hugs to everyone, but specifically to BCM and Scarlet.

I'm running a low grade fever. I don't think I'll go to summer school tomorrow. I'll miss the cookout, though.

Hugs, Daisy. We can have a Couch cookout instead.

I'll bring hot dogs and buns.

Ooo, and homemade mustard for the hot dogs, thanks to stopdog. I made a hard cider-apple cider vinegar-maple mustard this time.

I’ll bring the burgers. I like bubba burgers. I’ll bring veggie grillers for the couch vegetarians.

My mind was so totally on burgers I typed BlessedCheeseBurger as my username lol
I will bring beetroot because a burger is not the same without it.

A really stupid part wants to continue the ruse with my ExT and eventually end up with a session at the end of the year. I am not sure what this would achieve besides wasting both our time and possibly risk some repercussions from exT. I jut want to teach him a lesson.

I'm feeling forgotten. He said in his letter he wouldn't forget me. But my husband said a lot of things too, like how he loved me, and those things weren't exactly borne out. Maybe I need to reread the letter again. Sigh.

I feeling very upset now. I really feel bad that he had to lie to get rid of me and stop me coming back.

Did some Google research and it turns out the recurrence rate for my type of cancer is more like 6.8%-8% according to sources like NCBI. The PA today said it was only 3%. I've just got a bad feeling about this.

I'm not sure how I'm going to get through the next week without blowing my diet big time. I only did okay today because I have minimal sweets in my house but I've got to go to the grocery tomorrow.

Thanks to those who have offered support. It helps me to know I'm not alone.

Can you go to the store when not hungry and/or at a fairly calm moment? Or is there grocery pickup or delivery near you?

I hope the results come back soon.

Somehow I missed this. Big hugs to you. I remember the stress when I was waiting for the results of my biopsy. Can you make a list and stick to it? Do you have confectionary free checkouts over there?

If I can get out of the store without real ice cream and pastries I should be fine. I don't buy in the checkout line so that's not a problem. I rediscovered Skinny Cow (low fat ice cream sandwiches) so I'll just buy those instead of real ice cream.

I guess I'm doing great as far as practical strategies (don't bring junk into house) but my worry is feeling deprived and where that leads (anger and frustration and feelings of abandonment). I mean, there's a reason I'm 120 lbs overweight. I'm not doing great with those pesky feelings.

Ugh! So L has been on vacation this past week (which hasn't been easy with the depression). She told me to email her Tuesday night to remind her Wednesday day to email me saying she's back. Instead, I've been writing an email to her for the past week telling her how I feel. I was all set to send L the email tonight...literally in just an hour or so. But instead L emails me telling me she's back. She didn't need a reminder email. She remembered me on her own. Now that makes me happy and sad. Do I still send her the email? I think she needs to know how depressed I am. But she did something so meaningful to me, maybe I shouldn't send it and just wait till Friday? I'm not going to do anything any time soon. I don't know! I'll probably rewrite the email.

D (21) has had three hours of endometriosis surgery.

Endometriosis is a difficult little thing to find and eradicate. Hope she feels better.

I will have to stop comfort eating the jeans I bought on the net were so tight I had to lie on the bed and suck everything in just to do them up. This has made me realise just how bad my diet is. I am making an effort to cut back on the crap, but every since my T termination I haven't really cared to eat and when I do it's massive comfort eating.