Couch 201: The Transformative Grammar Couch

Today in funny Dr. T moments. I was starting to talk about how my child part is feeling, then added “though I know you don’t really work with parts stuff.” Dr. T: “well, I like fried chicken. That comes in parts.” I laughed and said, “Well, here’s what the wing thinks...” I know it was clear I was really stressed about the topic (fears with him going out of town again), so the humor helped. And I was able to share what I was feeling. Even saying how my child part feels like saying, “Don’t leave me!” (While adult part knows he deserves vacation). He accepted all that well. And said how I don’t need to say all the stuff about his deserving vacation. It helped to be able to talk about it.

I should try harder to better myself instead of choosing the easy route of self destruction. I mean who am I really hurting, if not myself and my body.

Thanks pocket riders! Awesome T was awesome... still coming down from session but will post more later.

I think I took too much anti-anxiety medication this morning. I was trying to get through work but I mostly just feel drowsy and unmotivated. I want to go home. But my parents are there and they would be all like why are you home in the middle of the day and not at work?!!

If you can go home early maybe it would be best to do so.. A simple you're not feeling well would be enough. You don't have to go into any detail.

I like it!

How soon does Dr.T leave or is this your last session for now?

I love a clean home! It it's true- a better place makes me feel better too.

I hope you do sign up for the class. In the summer I want to learn maths on my own.

Bilingualism can also be appealing to potential employers.

I'll see him again Thursday, then he's away the next week (and I think the weekends, too)--next session after that is August 5. I am scheduled to see his backup T, R, while he's away.

I wish I could get something from seeing a backup T. Did he agree to write you something before he leaves?

I am terrified of being alone. I wish I wasn't so desperate for a romantic companion but I am. And I always find the most incompatible ones that just end up leaving me in emotional chaos.

I just wrote a long post about an email from former T and then there was an error. Let me try to recreate it...
I got an email today from former T. A lovely, nice, caring email. It made me feel good. And listened to. And cared about. And held. It was helpful in practical ways: like if I SH again because of the battery thing and need to go to the hospital, to not mention the battery thing and how to not get a psych eval and just get stitched up and come home. It was helpful in ways like to connect to current T. She reinforced that. Like current T could see a layer of terror in me that the anger is supposedly hiding behind, and I haven't told current T a lot of stuff but yet she saw it in me. She reinforced that it was a good thing and to call her and reach out to her as needed. It was much more focused on my work now with current T than it was my relationship with her, which is how it should be I guess. But she mentioned our work and how I can build on it with my current T. The email made me feel good. It made me feel heard. It made me feel human. It made me feel cared for. I wish I could wrap up in her words like a blanket. I wish I could let her words soak into my skin into my soul like I used to be able to. There's a distance now, as there should be, but that makes it hard, also. 10 years may be a long time to see a T but it wasn't long enough. I wish I could have seen former T for another 10 years. But she talked about building on the work that she and I had done. I love former T. She was amazing. I'm so blessed that she will still write me. It was the first time she wrote me since April so it had been a while. I'm going to try to not email her until Sept 5 which is the anniversary of the last time we spoke--our last session. But I didn't tell her that in case I can't hold myself to it. I feel worn out now. I feel vulnerable yet listened to. I feel wilted though, like I need to just lay down and weep. HUGS Kit

Hugs, Kit, I'm so glad you got a nice, connected email from your former T.

Almost home. Well we're back in town now but have a couple errands to run before we get home-home.

Seeing backup T certainly isn't the same, but it helps. T said today how now that I'm getting to know her more, maybe I'll look forward to his going away so I could see her. I was just kinda like, "Uh...maybe?" It's definitely better that I'll be seeing someone I've seen a couple times now. But she's not T. She doesn't know me that well, and I don't have the same trust.

I mentioned the writing thing sort of offhandedly today when he was asking me to figure out what I needed from him before he goes out of town. I said I knew maybe he'd forgotten, but that he'd said he could have written a couple sentences of support for when he's away, but that I knew he said last week he wasn't sure what to say. So I was mentioning again before Thursday so he'll have time to think about it. But I said if he didn't feel comfortable with it or wasn't sure what to write, it's OK. I hope he remembers, but I kind of expect him to forget. If so, it's OK.

But I did say I wanted to try to feel connected to him Thursday (which I also felt today) rather than pulling back like I did both last Thursday and the session before he went away the last time. We agreed it was an attempt to protect myself, but the end result was I just felt disconnected to him for a longer stretch of time (those sessions, then while he was away). Like, not dive into some deep topic that would open up something painful, but not just make small talk either. Then again...joking about things makes me feel more connected to him, so I don't know... I think I just want some reassurance right before he goes away.

Is your T still away?

Damn I forgot the ignore function only works when you are logged in.

Dang, I think my anxiety medication is wearing off. I'm still sleepy, but I'm getting paranoid. And it would be about the right amount of time for the anxiety medication to wear off. =( These last 2 hours of work can't go by fast enough for me. I'm supposed to volunteer tonight but I think I'm going to not go.

I hope he doesn't forget.

Yes, he's gone all this week. We're supposed to have a short phone chat on Thursday. I read his letter to me yesterday. It was really nice.

That is one reason I am going to take this Spanish class. Plus my area has a large Spanish speaking community!

Somehow or another I got myself roped into helping a family find a Live in caregiver. I declined the offer for an interview because I’m not a live in nanny. I honestly have no idea how I arrived at helping this family find what they need. I wonder if I should charge a fee for this. Possible side jobs? Consult with families on finding the right nanny?

I think you should charge your regular hourly rate.

You’re a headhunter now!

Jersey, Nanny Consultant. Maybe a reality TV show is coming?

I had to learn Mandarin for my last job. It was hard. I was passable for what I needed to convey and understand but I wouldn't say proficient. I also learned passable French for my last job. But now I haven't used them in 2.5 years, I don't remember so much!

Keep a look out on A&E...you never know... haha.

I agree that you should charge your regular hourly rate - Good Luck!

I took French in high school and did well enough with it that I was able to tutor in the subject about 5 years later. Now so much time has gone by without using it at all that I have forgotten most of it. There's next to no French speakers in our area.

My new job doesn't require Spanish but I think it will be very useful to me.