Couch 202: The Grande Unicorn Frappuccino couch.

Change is painful, that's why most people run away from it. You're not.

@@ is right, LT. I'm gonna pm you.

LT, that's been my experience of therapy. It hurts the most when I'm getting something out of it.

Well, either that or I'm an emotional masochist. The jury is still out on that one.

I think you're spot on as far as what you're trying to do. And with a psychodynamic T, you could engage in these struggles--and the T might respond in exactly the same way: not give an inch--but the difference is that the reaction would be coming from a place in theory in order to reach a resolution. With this T, he's playing a different game; there's no resolution to the struggle because you see different goal posts. So he may occasionally concede to a specific action, but what you derive from that is not necessarily what he derives from it--so the next time the underlying issue comes up, you're back to square 1. It's not about years of practice, it's about the psychological beliefs that drive his practice.

ETA: A disconnect that makes you work harder to get an emotional need met sounds more to me like a reenactment, rather than a resolution. I just don't know how you reach a resolution of a need when the other person doesn't believe in the need to begin with.

Therapy sure does hurt like hell sometimes. The level of vulnerability I'm at right now w L is damn near excruciating.

Was this the first session after his vacation? My t would usually tell me he missed me, or had thought of me at various times, which would kinda freak me out. I just did not have a template for that, for somebody saying they missed me or thought of me. It wasnt a t thing, it was a me thing. I mean, i cant even judge if it was a weird thing for a t to say, because the first fact for me was that it was a weird thing for ANY human to say to ME. I never missed my parents, it was always a relief to me for them to be gone. Except for their role in keeping away the bogeyman at night, of course, by their presence in the house.

So - all this to say - was this about you missing him, or him missing you?

Awww thanks for caring about us!

oh man I have pictured that so wrong in my head, funny how that works. I don't get why he does even stand to shake your hand or whatever, it seems bizarre.

Edited to add: I agree with the poster who said he has always been this way. He seems set in his ways and doesn't want to change them, which is fine he doesn't have to.

You might not want to be compared to me , but I sometimes really do get your posts. Just saying you're not the only one.

in my head it was the same- handshakes by the door, whilst she was standing in the doorway..

Me three.

It was the first after his vacation. No way in hell he'd ever say he missed me though. I think part was about my missing him, then wanting to kind of have a nice reunion. But, as I put it in the email to him I sent a bit ago, I'd hoped to reconnect with him, but felt it was the polar opposite.


Maybe he missed me or thought about me, but he'd never admit it. Well, possibly if he thought about me for a particular reason, like...if he was at a conference and there was a topic on autism or something. But otherwise, no.

Theres a Michael Balint book, The Basic Fault. I just googled him, theres a psycho group too.

Its been a while, but i remember liking the book a lot, finding it very helpful. Wiki says the group is about the t client connection.

i never wanted my t to leave her chair as i was leaving .i wanted her to stay put. ill get the door and dont touch me

Thanks, will check that out.

I've had therapists both usher me out and remain seated. I don't really have a preference. But I'm with granite: don't touch me.

for some reason I dont like when T opens the door. I've told her this but it's not really a deal breaker or an issue. I dont even know why, part of me doesnt like being dismissed.

Both former T and Current T open the door for me at the end of session. It's their office, maybe they are possessive of the door. I don't mind. Sometimes I feel like we do a bit of a dance trying to get out of the door but that's usually when it's been a difficult session and I just want out.

First day back from vacation is always a long day at work. There were about 10 invoices that I needed to write. Half of those were field service invoices which are a pain in the neck. I finally got them all done though. I feel good about that. I did quite a bit of other stuff too. Boy am I wiped out now.

I wore a dress today to work. I feel pretty. Kind of like that girl in West Side Story. My dad when I got ready for work today was like, "Whoa, you are going to work all snazzy today." (Usually it's jeans or khakis and some sort of sweater or other long sleeved shirt.) Maybe I will wear this dress next month to my cousin's wedding. It's pretty comfortable considering I will be sitting in the car for about 6 hours that day and then sitting at the wedding. Plus I can wear my capri length leggings under it and no one can tell but I still feel like I'm wearing pants. And it's one of those fabrics where its supposed to be a little wrinkled so the seat belt thing won't be a problem.

Oh yeah, I painted my toenails and wore heels and everything.

Don't ask me why because IDK. I just felt like being a girl today

I can handle it.

Therapists be like: Take your armour off, I'm gonna hit you with a stick.

LT- just throwing this out there because it has come up with my t before. And today actually. I am the kind of person who pushes people away when they get too close. For me, in terms of t I get angry. Now, sometimes it legitimate, sometimes I make a mountain out of a mole hill.

T has suggested that perhaps that is my way of staying in control. Both my relationship with him and with other’s who are close to me.

I see this pattern with you- things are going fairly well between you and t and then you come back from a session, or after reading an email and now your pissed. My question is, is this a defense mechanism for you? You and t are doing well and that is scary?

Sure, this little things may mean something to you.. but are they really that important? My t is literally the only t who doesn’t walk is clients out of their office at the end of a session. The only one.. is it annoying? Maybe, but perhaps there is a reason behind it? My t is one of the bosses at the practice- so maybe whenever he leaves the office he gets bombarded by other issues? Maybe your t list likes to sit down and write notes, prepare for the next appointment. Or many other reasons.

Like I said just throwing it out there.. could be totally off base. But maybe you should examine your emotional response to these things? You may find some insights. Not to say you are wrong to be upset. But is there more going on here?