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  #251  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 06:43 PM
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unaluna unaluna is offline
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Originally Posted by CantExplain View Post
Therapists be like: Take your armour off, I'm gonna hit you with a stick.
Therapists do be like dat!
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  #252  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 06:43 PM
Anonymous42961
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Woke up this morning and the cockatoos have trashed our veggie garden they have pulled tomatoes off the vine and smashed the pumpkins grrr my D worked so hard in the garden
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  #253  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 06:50 PM
Anonymous48774
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LT- when ex t would stand up to say goodbye... she would take close to a minute adjusting her shirt, pulling her pants up in the back, etc.

Maybe the therapist just needs to adjust his ball sack when he gets up and don’t want to do it in front in you...so he chalked it up to routine. Did that make you laugh? Hope so..

On a more serious note... I hope you can let it go.
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  #254  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 06:54 PM
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LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is offline
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Originally Posted by healed84 View Post
LT- just throwing this out there because it has come up with my t before. And today actually. I am the kind of person who pushes people away when they get too close. For me, in terms of t I get angry. Now, sometimes it legitimate, sometimes I make a mountain out of a mole hill.

T has suggested that perhaps that is my way of staying in control. Both my relationship with him and with other’s who are close to me.

I see this pattern with you- things are going fairly well between you and t and then you come back from a session, or after reading an email and now your pissed. My question is, is this a defense mechanism for you? You and t are doing well and that is scary?

Sure, this little things may mean something to you.. but are they really that important? My t is literally the only t who doesn’t walk is clients out of their office at the end of a session. The only one.. is it annoying? Maybe, but perhaps there is a reason behind it? My t is one of the bosses at the practice- so maybe whenever he leaves the office he gets bombarded by other issues? Maybe your t list likes to sit down and write notes, prepare for the next appointment. Or many other reasons.

Like I said just throwing it out there.. could be totally off base. But maybe you should examine your emotional response to these things? You may find some insights. Not to say you are wrong to be upset. But is there more going on here?

Thanks, Healed. It's definitely possible this could be part of what's going on. Especially as I have anxious/preoccupied attachment. It may be related to his having been away, so part of me felt upset with that and abandoned, so now I'm sort of pushing him away. Especially knowing he'll be away again at the end of this month. It could definitely be something to explore with him.

I also think it's tied into how much he really cares about me. Like, I want him to prove his caring. If he's not even willing to stand up briefly, how much could he possibly care? Which I know isn't really fair.

And I tend to get scared when things seem to be going well with someone (romantically, T, a friend). I mean, my general response to having love feelings to someone is "Oh ****." Because then I feel I'm set up to get hurt. Because I let myself feel that. I felt vulnerable with T today because I told him what I wanted from him. In the email I sent while he was away, I also admitted that I missed him. Which is a big deal for me.

And I have felt more connected to him lately, particularly right before he left for this trip. Which is scary. I keep thinking "OK, he gets it now" with stuff regarding me, then some small slight and it's like "OK, he doesn't get it at all." Which, black & white thinking.

Also, his hair was cut shorter than normal today, which I think threw me off. Seems like such a silly thing, but it still affected me. I felt weird saying that though.
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  #255  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 06:55 PM
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LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jersey 4 View Post
LT- when ex t would stand up to say goodbye... she would take close to a minute adjusting her shirt, pulling her pants up in the back, etc.

Maybe the therapist just needs to adjust his ball sack when he gets up and don’t want to do it in front in you...so he chalked it up to routine. Did that make you laugh? Hope so..

On a more serious note... I hope you can let it go.

OK, that did make me smile, thanks!
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  #256  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 07:02 PM
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unaluna unaluna is offline
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Jersey, great minds think alike - thats what i said earlier! Only i thought he was picking his undergotchies outa his butt.
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  #257  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 07:04 PM
Anonymous48774
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LT...he has made some strides in helping you see your way through the transference but he still has a long way to go. I know you use that back up T when he is away..but what would it look like to reduce your sessions with him to once a week and pick up another therapist so that you have someone else to bounce these things off of?
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  #258  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 07:06 PM
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Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
Jersey, great minds think alike - thats what i said earlier! Only i thought he was picking his undergotchies outa his butt.
Hahaha! I didn’t see that cause I didn’t read everything back. That’s hysterical. Looks like @@ and Lemon is getting another sister wife.
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  #259  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 07:13 PM
Anonymous48774
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On a scale of 1-10 my anxiety the past couple weeks is a 20. A few years back when anxiety was this bad for an extended period of time I couldn’t recover and the Pdoc I had put me on a whole milligram of Klonopin 3 times a day. I’m trying 5 HTP but it takes a few weeks to work.
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  #260  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 07:19 PM
Anonymous43207
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CantExplain View Post
Therapists be like: Take your armour off, I'm gonna hit you with a stick.
Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
Therapists do be like dat!

Indeed...
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  #261  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 07:20 PM
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LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jersey 4 View Post
LT...he has made some strides in helping you see your way through the transference but he still has a long way to go. I know you use that back up T when he is away..but what would it look like to reduce your sessions with him to once a week and pick up another therapist so that you have someone else to bounce these things off of?

He did say it would be OK to see the backup T on occasion even if he is in town. But he said it can potentially be confusing to see two T's at once regularly, unless one is for a specific topic (like if I did EMDR with R, which is one of her specialties, or focus on alcohol use, another one of them). So I don't know if he'd be OK with me seeing someone else on a regular basis if not for a specific purpose. Maybe I need to see how Thursday goes (and, well, how he replies to my email), and if it goes poorly, consider a possible break, where I'd see someone else? I don't know...

Like how much of this is just feeling disconnected from him from his being away? And his comment today about how in a way he wants me to feel connected to him while he's away. But then he's not sure about focusing on that, because it's also an opportunity for me to connect to other people keeps ringing in my head. He said it could give me a sense of what life would be like without seeing him. Which I think hit all the abandonment triggers. And the thing is, I did connect to various people and activities while he was gone (and do that while he's here, too). But he said he wanted me to "be well" while he's gone, too, so wants to support that.
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  #262  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 07:28 PM
Anonymous43207
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hey couchies. i'm sure not understanding myself lately. the anxiety has given way to just a general overall sadness. not sure what is going on with me. last week my session with L was really good eventually, but at first i just sat there not even wanting to talk so she had to drum for me for a bit. we'll see what happens thursday. sigh. maybe i'm just missing my boy since he moved out again. i don't know.
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  #263  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 07:44 PM
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Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
He did say it would be OK to see the backup T on occasion even if he is in town. But he said it can potentially be confusing to see two T's at once regularly, unless one is for a specific topic (like if I did EMDR with R, which is one of her specialties, or focus on alcohol use, another one of them). So I don't know if he'd be OK with me seeing someone else on a regular basis if not for a specific purpose. Maybe I need to see how Thursday goes (and, well, how he replies to my email), and if it goes poorly, consider a possible break, where I'd see someone else? I don't know...

Like how much of this is just feeling disconnected from him from his being away? And his comment today about how in a way he wants me to feel connected to him while he's away. But then he's not sure about focusing on that, because it's also an opportunity for me to connect to other people keeps ringing in my head. He said it could give me a sense of what life would be like without seeing him. Which I think hit all the abandonment triggers. And the thing is, I did connect to various people and activities while he was gone (and do that while he's here, too). But he said he wanted me to "be well" while he's gone, too, so wants to support that.
LT, Your thoughts sound like they are spiraling a little bit. Want to do some deep breathing with me? The web of transference is awful. I remember it that way. I’m wondering if you can get yourself in the mind frame that it’s okay if he is not okay with you seeing another T at the same time. I think busying yourself with the other activities is a great distraction too. Maybe try adding more of those if time allows.
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  #264  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 07:47 PM
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atisketatasket atisketatasket is offline
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I am feeling super-discouraged about writing. It happens every time I workshop a story and I realize how much more I need to do before it's good.

It's particularly bad with the current online workshop leader (I've had him before, and I pretty much gave up writing for a couple months after the first workshop with him spring 2018 because it was such a discouraging experience). He doesn't do encouragement, just long lists of what's wrong with the story.

The workshop leader I have in-person every semester at the university writing center also makes a lot of comments about what doesn't work, but he's encouraging and phrases more like "think about if this is working here" rather than "this is wrong." He doesn't make me feel like giving up. And if there's a reason for a choice, he respects that. I guess the online instructor seems to want the story to be rewritten the way he would have written it.

Oh well. First World problem. I'm just being a delicate flower.
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  #265  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 07:49 PM
stopdog stopdog is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
He did say it would be OK to see the backup T on occasion even if he is in town. But he said it can potentially be confusing to see two T's at once regularly, unless one is for a specific topic (like if I did EMDR with R, which is one of her specialties, or focus on alcohol use, another one of them).
To me, this is one of the dumbest lies they tell clients OR it is one of the biggest egomaniacal lies they tell themselves. It is not confusing to see two of them. It really isn't. I was never once confused because I hired two of those people. I don't even know where they come up with that idea. Like clients are such slack jawed drooling half wits that we cannot keep two therapists straight. And who the hell is he to say whether it is okay or not? The astonishing arrogance of therapists never ceases to piss me off.
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  #266  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 07:51 PM
Anonymous48774
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Originally Posted by atisketatasket View Post
I am feeling super-discouraged about writing. It happens every time I workshop a story and I realize how much more I need to do before it's good.

It's particularly bad with the current online workshop leader (I've had him before, and I pretty much gave up writing for a couple months after the first workshop with him spring 2018). He doesn't do encouragement, just long lists of what's wrong with the story.

The workshop leader I have in-person every semester at the university writing center also makes a lot of comments about what doesn't work, but he's encouraging and phrases more like "think about if this is working here" rather than "this is wrong." He doesn't make me feel like giving up.

Oh well. First World problem. I'm just being a delicate flower.
Yeah, but since then you got published, right? So you are a very very good writer. What’s going on with the set up for the story you posted the other day? That seemed like it was really good. Is that the one the work shop leader is commenting about?
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  #267  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 07:52 PM
stopdog stopdog is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket View Post
I am feeling super-discouraged about writing. It happens every time I workshop a story and I realize how much more I need to do before it's good.

It's particularly bad with the current online workshop leader (I've had him before, and I pretty much gave up writing for a couple months after the first workshop with him spring 2018 because it was such a discouraging experience). He doesn't do encouragement, just long lists of what's wrong with the story.

The workshop leader I have in-person every semester at the university writing center also makes a lot of comments about what doesn't work, but he's encouraging and phrases more like "think about if this is working here" rather than "this is wrong." He doesn't make me feel like giving up. And if there's a reason for a choice, he respects that. I guess the online instructor seems to want the story to be rewritten the way he would have written it.

Oh well. First World problem. I'm just being a delicate flower.
I wouldn't suggest giving up writing (you are being published -hurrah). I might suggest not doing workshops with this guy.
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Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
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  #268  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 07:58 PM
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atisketatasket atisketatasket is offline
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Originally Posted by Jersey 4 View Post
Yeah, but since then you got published, right? So you are a very very good writer. What’s going on with the set up for the story you posted the other day? That seemed like it was really good. Is that the one the work shop leader is commenting about?
No, it's the first of two stories we each submit for workshopping. (I don't care about the homework assignments so much, I just do them for practice.)

No, this story is

Possible trigger:


It's much more serious than my usual story, and I accept there are flaws that still need to be fixed. I just feel like this guy's trying to make it into something he would write.

I wouldn't have taken him again except I had a credit from a course I dropped last summer and needed to use it this summer and this was the only thing on offer. (This class also guarantees that the editors at a top lit mag will consider your story, though it's highly likely they won't accept it.)
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  #269  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 08:05 PM
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CantExplain CantExplain is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket View Post
I am feeling super-discouraged about writing. It happens every time I workshop a story and I realize how much more I need to do before it's good.

It's particularly bad with the current online workshop leader (I've had him before, and I pretty much gave up writing for a couple months after the first workshop with him spring 2018 because it was such a discouraging experience). He doesn't do encouragement, just long lists of what's wrong with the story.

The workshop leader I have in-person every semester at the university writing center also makes a lot of comments about what doesn't work, but he's encouraging and phrases more like "think about if this is working here" rather than "this is wrong." He doesn't make me feel like giving up. And if there's a reason for a choice, he respects that. I guess the online instructor seems to want the story to be rewritten the way he would have written it.

Oh well. First World problem. I'm just being a delicate flower.
Everyone needs encouragement.
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  #270  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 08:19 PM
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LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is offline
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Originally Posted by Jersey 4 View Post
LT, Your thoughts sound like they are spiraling a little bit. Want to do some deep breathing with me? The web of transference is awful. I remember it that way. I’m wondering if you can get yourself in the mind frame that it’s okay if he is not okay with you seeing another T at the same time. I think busying yourself with the other activities is a great distraction too. Maybe try adding more of those if time allows.

I'll do my best with the deep breathing. The transference stuff does suck, especially as this right now seems to be more of the paternal nature. I can generally deal with ET. Paternal is usually much more painful.


And I'm OK if he doesn't feel comfortable with me seeing another T at the same time. He can just be confusing. Like "Sure, it's fine if you wanted to see R again," while another time saying that if she "stole" me from him (like on a long-term basis) that it would cause conflict between them.
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  #271  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 08:22 PM
Anonymous48774
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Originally Posted by atisketatasket View Post
No, it's the first of two stories we each submit for workshopping. (I don't care about the homework assignments so much, I just do them for practice.)

No, this story is

Possible trigger:


It's much more serious than my usual story, and I accept there are flaws that still need to be fixed. I just feel like this guy's trying to make it into something he would write.

I wouldn't have taken him again except I had a credit from a course I dropped last summer and needed to use it this summer and this was the only thing on offer. (This class also guarantees that the editors at a top lit mag will consider your story, though it's highly likely they won't accept it.)
It’s okay to feel discouraged, like CE said everyone needs some encouragement.
But..you got this. You are published. You have what it takes. Get through this workshop and then tell the guy to go pound sand.
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  #272  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 08:27 PM
Anonymous48774
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I'll do my best with the deep breathing. The transference stuff does suck, especially as this right now seems to be more of the paternal nature. I can generally deal with ET. Paternal is usually much more painful.


And I'm OK if he doesn't feel comfortable with me seeing another T at the same time. He can just be confusing. Like "Sure, it's fine if you wanted to see R again," while another time saying that if she "stole" me from him (like on a long-term basis) that it would cause conflict between them.
Their conflict wouldn’t be your issue..hopefully they would be able to move past it like professionals.
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  #273  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 08:30 PM
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Sorry guys. I need to go take a few deep breaths myself. I’m probably gonna go lay down for a bit. Be back a little later after a nap.
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  #274  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 08:36 PM
JaneTennison1 JaneTennison1 is offline
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Originally Posted by stopdog View Post
To me, this is one of the dumbest lies they tell clients OR it is one of the biggest egomaniacal lies they tell themselves. It is not confusing to see two of them. It really isn't. I was never once confused because I hired two of those people. I don't even know where they come up with that idea. Like clients are such slack jawed drooling half wits that we cannot keep two therapists straight. And who the hell is he to say whether it is okay or not? The astonishing arrogance of therapists never ceases to piss me off.
I am now seeing 2. One of them knows and one doesn't because I don't need her to, I just need EMDR for my phobia. The one who knows says she usually doesn't suggest people split their "energy" that way as some find it difficult but she can tell I don't. Really her opinion on it wouldn't stop me, what I pay for is u[pto me.
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  #275  
Old Aug 05, 2019, 08:36 PM
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WarmFuzzySocks WarmFuzzySocks is offline
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@@, every time you post about your forest story, I can’t wait to read it.
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