Couch 202: The Grande Unicorn Frappuccino couch.

I did not know he said that. Waddya know, MONTY PYTHON. Hmm, who do i know that likes monty python? Wait, wait, dont tell me...

I better watchit, @@'s gonna yell at me for shebanging or whatever she said i was doing the other day. Goldarning. Wolfbaning. Dogboning. Badinaging? Was that it? Badinaging the witless? Something like that. Ugh. I should eat something besides protein bars.

She was great, she was like, i dont care if i lose! The kids are peanut and dairy allergic, i just wanna show them other options for stuff they can have!

Its Vikki Krinsky. She looked so familiar to me, i googled her awhile back. You talk about your teenage chiklit, she was on my teenage angst show.

I still remember being completely flabbergasted when the woman described herself as an earth mother. I think I even snorted when she said it and she got all defensive.
Exxon is more of an earth mother than I experienced her as being.

Definitely, yes.

I realised the other day that if ex T 1 and I sat across from each other we probably wouldn't recognise each other. It's been 3 years since we last spoke and I just feel like I don't miss her, I don't even know her anymore

SH urges are really present today as well. I think it is since realising I told T I didn't want her to care. I have neve been so honest before I just do what people want me to do and that realisation is messing with me.

F this anxiety tonight. I want to now cancel or at least reschedule the assessment now. I feel like I've done something wrong by not discussing it with T beforehand, even though he knew the recommendation from the other psych hospital I was in was to do IOP. It seems that since it's connected to a hospital that they have 3 options; refer to outside therapy, agree to IOP and schedule that, or admit to the psych unit. I can't do this right now. I can't.

Made a pink one this evening, this one I made to unravel Thursday during my session. A ritual we discussed to physically represent letting go of the past. I chose a mandala to unravel because of the Buddhist monk tradition of making mandalas from sand and then destroying them because nothing lasts forever.

My younger sister is still mad at me for not showing up to her court date because my tooth fell out even though nothing happened that day in court. So I haven't seen my nieces in months I found out today that my niece who turns 2 in a month is barely talking. She will only say simple words like mama, no, hello, and shoe. I'm so sad for her. She is actually really smart. CPS thinks it's because of the trauma caused by seeing abuse and from them being taken away from my sister. So since it's her birthday next month, my dad and I are going to buy her a bunch of toys that will help her learn to talk like vtech and leapfrog. I hope they help. And I hope my sister gets her act together. I wish I could have taken them.

OK, his PhD is in Counseling Psych.

New job is really great! I love the hours and my new co-workers.

One of the nurses in the ER commented that I looked familiar when I was introduced to her. We went through our work histories and realized that she took care of my daughter when she was a preemie in the NICU - over 25 years ago!

Today I bought new chairs for the outdoor setting as the old ones had webbing slats that my bum felt like it was going to fall through. The new ones are much more comfy and easier to keep clean so I spent some of my afternoon sitting outside it felt good.

C did something SO embarrassing today. We had gone over to look at this duplex. When she was pulling out, she backed into a drainage ditch. There was a kid watching. His mouth was hanging open. AAA took forever to get there and pull the car out.

Duplex was ok. Good price. There will be a commute to school, but everything in town is so expensive. Just don't know if the landlord will ok all our pets. The dogs I think are ok, but the rats...

The duplex is in an old house. Has that that musty, old house smell. Probably mold and mildew. Maybe there was water damage from the hurricane last year. Not sure what to do about that, but something will have to be done if landlord ok's the ratties. The vinyl in the kitchen isn't great, but the bedroom and living room have hardwood and it's in very good condition. Bathroom has tile which looks good too except for one tile, where the plastic or vinyl overlay has partially come off. The cabinets in the kitchen and bathroom aren't great. Pretty gross, actually. But, hopefully after a good cleaning/sterilization and some new shelf liners, they won't look so bad. And there are washer and dryer connections, which is extremely important. We have a washer and dryer and lots of one bedroom places don't have connections.

Anyway, C left a VM for the lady saying we want it but telling her we do have the rats in addition to the dogs. Hopefully she will still call back, but we'll see. She said she could negotiate on the price, but C said we would pay what she's asking so hopefully that sweetens the pot for her. I don't know. She seemed eager to rent it out. We'll see.

If she says yes, we'll probably try to get the lease signed soon. Need to get in there and clean, then spray for bugs and wait a few days. There's a one inch gap under the front door so pretty much anything can get in there. Now that I think about it, that includes snakes and mice. I have some insulation stripping for doors I can put down, though.

I hope she says yes. I want the ratties to have a view next to a window. If we have to rent in an apartment, they will have to be a secret, and there will be no window view for them. Also, there's a pretty gray cat on the property and they can taunt her or him from the window.

Ah! I just sent L and email telling her I love her. So scared now! But if I know her well enough, she will be accepting of it. It's so hard telling people your feelings about them. Now I wait and see what she replies.

No, it's more that when I pay, he goes over and sits at his desk, and I'm standing between him and the door. (I feel like I should draw a diagram! What's the program people used to show how their T's office is set up?) So I'd have to move in order for him to open the door, though I suppose that wouldn't be so difficult.

Hugs...would your sister be willing to look into early intervention services? We were able to get free speech therapy from the county for our daughter starting when she was 2--then it shifted to be provided by the school system after she was 3. Though maybe CPS has already looked into that? Also, Leapfrog toys are great. My D loved her stuffed Violet.

My sisters son has a speech delay and what helped with him at home was for her to just literally talk to him about everything she was doing. “ I am thirsty so I am going to the kitchen to get a cup of water”
“ It’s time to cook dinner. First I take the food out of the fridge then I’m going to put these vegetables in the frying pan” “I have to go outside but it’s a bit chilly out so I’m going to get my jacket out of the closet and put it on”
That’s what the speech therapist told my sister to do between appointments when they were at home.

I used a site recently called Roomstyler to recreate P's office. It wasn't exact but it was pretty close.

That's it! Thanks.

My sister still doesn't have custody of the kids. She only gets to see them for 3 hours on Sundays. CPS knows about the speech delay. They're actually the ones who brought it up. I don't think the paternal aunt who has custody, is helping with this.

Thanks for the suggestion about Violet. I went ahead and bought that too!

Yes. When the girls are with my sister and my mom, both of them explain things to them and even repeat words to them: "Go get your shoes", "Thank you for getting your shoes", "Would you like me to put on your shoes", etc. That's how she finally said shoes. My mom used to teach preschool and even owned one at one point. So she knows some methods to help.

Aha! You've got a keeper!

Most defiantly. He is so much different than anyone else I have worked with. I think that is where some of the idealization comes from, the others were just SO crappy no matter how hard I tried. Now at least it feels like we are both making comparable effort towards an agreed upon goal... just from different sides.

I'm a big believer in Counseling PhD Ts for trauma, rather than Clinical. My current T is a Clinical PhD, but I'm not doing any trauma work with her--that's behind me. But even when something comes up tangentially related to a trauma memory, I am taken aback by how different her response is from what former T's would have been. It mostly shows itself like a sudden and striking lack of attunement in the moment. I find I have to educate her in those moments and really explain the emotion in a way that former T would have perceived intuitively. It's not that she's incompetent at all; it's just stunning at times what would never have occurred to her. And I know it's connected to her underlying sense of doubt about how to work with me: there's no mental illness, so she is a bit at a loss as to what there is for her to "do." Thankfully, because she's got so many years of practice behind her, and because she doesn't have any ego need to "do things," she's willing to let me lead and use her as I see fit. Otherwise, it would never work!

Former T was nurturing. She would tell me that she cared about me and she would give me hugs if I asked. Current T is nurturing in different ways. She complements me on stuff that I'm good at. Like she told me I'm really logical (I said, except when I'm being irrational!) but she said that the things I am irrational about (hallucinations etc) are trauma based and that at work and in life I'm really rational. In ways like that she is nurturing.