[Merlin]

I pop by here time to time. i took a break for a while. a little to triggering at a time when i needed to attain stability. hello to you too.

[confused4ever]

it is everything, my husband, my emotions are out of control, T being gone until mid week and no contact from him at all, no email or phone, he won't have any. my kids are 15,14,12. I know what will happen to them if I hurt myself, I get it. I am trying and at the same time it is hard to thinnk straight.

[sunrise]

(((confused))). Please remember that your kids need you. You are their mother, their only mother. They need you. We need you here too!

Can you call your other T, the trauma T, for support? Or a crisis line?

[Kiya]

(((((((((sister, Soliaree)))))))))) thanks! =) I am pleased, too. Really pleased - i even sent her an email saying "I did good today!!!" When things go well, we gotta celebrate, yes?!

(((((((((((CONFUSED)))))))))))))))
You gotta hang in there - not only do WE need you and your KIDS need you, but YOU need you, too!! Don't abandon yourself, you can get through. That totally sucks that T isn't coming back until later- but we are here and you can lean on us. I know we are no replacement for T. =( But we're here none-the-less.
Did you already have an appnt? Did T give an explanation? Can you at least call and have a phone check in? Stay with us, ok?!?
Kiya

[MissCharlotte]

Ohhh (((((Confused)))))

Yes, of course you get it. You are a mother but you are also a daughter.

Can you stay here with us until T gets back? Can we help in some way? Maybe just rest as much as possible and lay low. Baby yourself if you can.

[confused4ever]

I can't call him or email him, no contact for 6 days. I did call my trauma T last night, I have never done that, she talked with me and stayed on the phone with me until my feelings quieted down some, i see her tonight at 6:30. My husband just told me to get over it.........that this was just away to make him feel bad........I hate my life right now, it is so hard to stay in the moment!!!

[Mouse_]

((Confused)) Its so hard to function when we have children to take care of also. I have been in that place a thousand times. I want to tell you that you will pull through, but that always sounds so harsh, but its the truth, at times like that I've had to take to my bed and shut the family out, it was the only safe thing I could do to protect them and me. Even that was hard because of the guilt of having to shut my children out, but they do have a father, and I decided that at times like this, he would have to be there for them, its not all my responsibilty.

Take care.

[sunrise]

confused, I am so glad that you were able to talk with your trauma T, and that you will be seeing her tonight. If possible, don't share these times with your husband. He is not supportive; sharing with him only results in more hurt. Soon, he will not be with you anymore and there will be some relief from his constant negativity. You won't butt up against a brick wall every time you need caring and support and don't get it from him.

I remember that you also have an appointment with a lawyer today. I hope that will go well and be empowering.

[Kiya]

I can't believe you husband is so %&$*#^ insensitive!!! *breathing*... I agree with sunrise! Keep away from him. I am so glad you are seeing the trauma T tonight... maybe not actually work on past trauma but the current one you are suffering?!
Please take care, kiya

[confused4ever]

I think that is what we are going to work on. I hope so, she also thinks the pain I have been suffering from for the past month is from my past also. All tests done show that the kidney infection cleared up 2 weeks ago, but I still have severe pain in my side and back, but nothing shows up on anything. I try not to share with my husband, I lock myself in my room, but he doesn't get it or care right now, he has to say something. there has to be a point in all of this, I cannot see it though. My T told me before he left to hang on and to please make it through until he returns.....I don't know if I can do this and keep my promise...........

I see the lawyer in 45 minutes, I am in no shape to figure stuff out, I have to try to pull myself togther...........

[sunrise]

Well, I never thought I'd get to this point, but I am on day 18 of my 19 day separation from T.

T minus 22 hrs and 35 minutes!

Finally. It's gonna be great to see him again. Even if we do have a crappy session... I will just be happy I saw him.

Wow, Sunny! You just ran a marathon and made it to the end! Enjoy your time with T

[Kiya]

YAY!!!!! yes, enjoy!

[ECHOES]

I hope we're all back with T now, when sunny gets back tomorrow!

I have appreciated this thread and all of you SOO much!

Yes, it's been great! Another brilliant idea . . .brought to us by Fluffy! What would we do without you?

[Christina86]

I see mine in 8.5 hours. I suppose it's almost bedtime for me! Yay!! I have so much to tell him... I'll probably completely forget everything by the time the session starts tomorrw though. lol

[Kiya]

tomorrow i see my MD who i have greater attachment to than the T she sent me to. I've only known the woman since July, but she is so very caring, while strict. and i never have to wear a gown or lie on a table. we just talk about my symptoms and how to treat them, which means i am far more open with her than i have been with any other MD ever. This is the first one i've not been completely terrified of. She has me every 4-6 weeks and has me call weekly with updates - sometimes i get to talk to her then, the rest are messages. but she just cares so much - it is a huge learning/trust thing for me to be cared for like this. SHe is amazing.

Best to everyone - yay to have T back!!! I just wrote mine a long letter about some learnings i have had this week. I am lucky she encourages them.

[confused4ever]

I still have three days to go.........and no contact until then.......this is a test, I swear!

[chaotic13]

I have another day, but doing OK. I vented and laughed enough here over the past few weeks to keep me relatively sane over the break. Sister's assprint thread still has be laughing. That and my mistake using MF to abbreviate MentalFloss's name in the relationships section. Thanks everyone!!!!

Hang in there..((Confused)) your in the home stretch.

[Kiya]

Yes - both of you are in the home stretch... you'll make it. I got to my MDs and had the wrong day =( 2 more days. I don't know how - all 3 calenders have today, but she is out of town and has wed. =( bummed. My stomach's a mess and needs her help!

Hugs all

[chaotic13]

Does anyone else have trouble telling their spouse when the have T appointment? I am dreading this disclosure all day! Since I'm working from home, I have to say where I'm going when I leave to do something. He knows I go sometimes, but I just dread telling him. He always thinks everything is about him.

Am I just being an @$$ for wanting to keep my business to myself, even when it comes to my husband?

[sunrise]

Hi mckell, I think if you don't want to share information about your health care with people, you shouldn't have to. Why, when you're working from home, do you have to tell your H where you are going? Why not just say "I'm going out to run some errands," or "I'm going out for a bit, be back in a couple of hours"?

[Kiya]

i currently live in a psudo-abusive environment with my mom for finantial reasons... she ALWAYS asks me where i am going, what I will do, when i will be back.... i hate it. I'm 30, not 10 but she can't accept that. these days i just answer "Out!" If she knows i went to therapy she'll then proceed to ask me how it went and what we talked about! It shouldn't have to be that way.

I am sure husbands and wives want to have an open relationship and discuss everything - but it seems to me that there should be some things where it is agreed upon that "this is about me and is private" - and have that honored. Good luck with that.

[chaotic13]

I don't know...he is bored and wants to know where I am all the time. I could just say I'm going out, but then he would be thinking.."Where the heck is she going?" Its complicated..I don't care if he knows, its just that he thinks everything is about him, and... its not. Therapy is about me and he can't understand it. He thinks I am just talking about him the whole time.

Now that I'm writing I have no freak'n idea why I dread telling him so much! I dread a lot of things these days for no good reason. Probably some twisted view of reality. I guess just I'm still not done with walking on eggshells.

FYI, I went back today... good session..my head is just spinning at the moment.

Sunrise thanks for the reality check yet again. Kiya what you describe is similar to what I'm experiencing only I don't want or need a dad--so I resent it even more.

[Kiya]

yeah, i got a twinge when i read your sentence...

"Now that I'm writing I have no freak'n idea why I dread telling him so much! I dread a lot of things these days for no good reason. Probably some twisted view of reality. I guess just I'm still not done with walking on eggshells. "

Because, sometimes things can be really covert and hard to put a finger on, even though internally we just know 'this shouldn't have to be this way'.

=(