I was wondering how others feel about anger and working through it,or not whatever the circumstances may be. It seems to be a common theme for many who have been abused/traumatized to be on one side of the spectrum or another though certainly im sure there are many who fall in between too. So do you welcome it fear it or hate it? And how do you and your counselor approach when anger arises ?
I personally fear it as that is how I was brought up and have a great deal of anxiety and terror when it comes up though being DID sometimes others will "run with it" if I dont

[CharlieStarDust]

Years ago my T asked me what would happen if I let go of this anger I carry with me. I said I'd die. This anger is what fuels me; gets me out of bed every day. I wonder who I am with it. On the other side, it's exhausting. But I'm at a point now that I embrace it and I think I know how to use it to my advantage.

[SlumberKitty]

I fear anger. I also hate it. I hate when people are mad at me, and I hate when I'm mad. I don't like how it feels. I'm afraid of it because I've seen the devastation it can cause when it is used incorrectly. I was terrorized as a child because adults around me could not control their anger. I try to avoid angry people in my life now that I'm an adult. In therapy I wasn't ever really able to talk about how I felt when people were angry. I would dissociate. I rarely get angry but when I do get angry I get really angry for like a split second and then it's gone. It's like I'm so scared of it in myself that I'll just go away rather than face it.

anger is a cover up for something else is what i was always told but i cant quite seem to grasp that concept

[healinginprogress]

Originally Posted by invisible butterfly

anger is a cover up for something else is what i was always told but i cant quite seem to grasp that concept

Anger is a secondary emotion. Usually under it is something like hurt, disappointment, fear, etc. It's a mask of our vulnerabilities. It's a lot easier to say that I'm mad at you for being late then to day I'm disappointed that's you're late because I made these reservations 6 months ago and now they went to waste.

Anger protects us in a way that other emotions don't. That's not to say anger is not a real and valid emotion... It is. It's just covering up for something else.

With that said, my T works very hard with me to figure out why I'm angry at a situation. Sometimes I know right away and sometimes I can't figure it out. I so like to address my anger, at least in therapy, because it's a safe place and feeling angry doesn't feel good to me.

[PurpleBlur]

Originally Posted by invisible butterfly

I was wondering how others feel about anger and working through it,or not whatever the circumstances may be. It seems to be a common theme for many who have been abused/traumatized to be on one side of the spectrum or another though certainly im sure there are many who fall in between too. So do you welcome it fear it or hate it? And how do you and your counselor approach when anger arises ?
I personally fear it as that is how I was brought up and have a great deal of anxiety and terror when it comes up though being DID sometimes others will "run with it" if I dont

i am learning to to fight it...to just find a safe way to "ride the wave" until it fizzles out and in the end i realize it wasnt so strong that it killed me... m still here

Originally Posted by healinginprogress

Anger is a secondary emotion. Usually under it is something like hurt, disappointment, fear, etc. It's a mask of our vulnerabilities. It's a lot easier to say that I'm mad at you for being late then to day I'm disappointed that's you're late because I made these reservations 6 months ago and now they went to waste.

Anger protects us in a way that other emotions don't. That's not to say anger is not a real and valid emotion... It is. It's just covering up for something else.

With that said, my T works very hard with me to figure out why I'm angry at a situation. Sometimes I know right away and sometimes I can't figure it out. I so like to address my anger, at least in therapy, because it's a safe place and feeling angry doesn't feel good to me.

thank you for sharing that! i can totally identify with it

[NP_Complete]

I wonder if getting to the point that I can feel angry about what my husband did won't allow some healing to take place. But at the same time it scares me. I don't like feeling angry at all.

[GeekyOne]

Anger scares me. I associate anger with a loss of control, people in my life who are angry have yelled, screamed, and hit/thrown/broken things or people. People who are angry are vicious and say hurtful, cruel things.

I don't know what it feels like to be angry. I've never felt like that. I've been upset, but not angry.

I avoid anger at all costs, I always take the blame and I do everything I can to keep others from getting mad at (or near) me. When someone gets mad anyway, I panic and either get stuck there ("freeze") or run away from the situation ("flight").

My T and I recently discussed this. I seem to cope with anger (mine or others') by turning it inward on myself.

[toomanycats]

I have an awful relationship with my anger.

I get angry, then I panic about having been angry.

90% of the time, I deny feeling any anger ...in an angry voice.

seems anger is feared quite a lot. i know for myself i can practically put myself into a panic state if i even think about expressing it concerning my past but if it is something current and present it isnt so intimidating. weird for me i think

[cinnamon_roll]

Originally Posted by healinginprogress

Anger is a secondary emotion. Usually under it is something like hurt, disappointment, fear, etc. It's a mask of our vulnerabilities. It's a lot easier to say that I'm mad at you for being late then to day I'm disappointed that's you're late because I made these reservations 6 months ago and now they went to waste.

For me it's vice versa. Rage and anger are a black hole. The emotion/s that must not be felt or even named. Anger was a taboo, simply didn't exist when I grew up. So there is a lot of fear and guilt and other stuff that covers the anger. So that I never get close enough to feel my primary anger about some things in life. For me the task ahead seems to be to slowly get in touch with this anger. Allowing myself this anger. Because this is closely tied to allowing myself to be.

[skeksi]

Anger is a source of pure terror for me. I associate it with bad things happening so I completely panic when I or others get the least bit annoyed or displeased.

I’m working on it. I would like to be able to feel and experience my own anger. Right now my brain just runs away from it.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by cinnamon_roll

For me it's vice versa. Rage and anger are a black hole. The emotion/s that must not be felt or even named. Anger was a taboo, simply didn't exist when I grew up. So there is a lot of fear and guilt and other stuff that covers the anger. So that I never get close enough to feel my primary anger about some things in life. For me the task ahead seems to be to slowly get in touch with this anger. Allowing myself this anger. Because this is closely tied to allowing myself to be.

Any anger from me was a taboo when growing up, not to be felt or named. But those who controlled and abused me in childhood were angry... and disappointed... and ..

Good question and a very complex issue. I'm sorry I didn't notice this post before, I don't usually read much in this forum.

''this is closely tied to allowing myself to be''

I think this is also true for me.

[here today]

Good topic.

Now that I have (maybe) fully felt what being a "zero" feels like, and the terror and the rage that are associated with that, all of which was defended against (with my life!, feels like. and certainly an emotional life which I haven't lived fully up to to now) -- I can now "own" the anger as well. Contain it, within a larger sense of something. Hard to describe.

I am really pissed at therapists who encouraged me in the early days to "get in touch with my feelings", and express them -- not knowing what it was like when portions of an angry me were dissociated.

For me, I went with what had been recommended to me, as I understood it, including eventually, "the only way out is through".

I maybe be (somewhat) out now, but I'm old, couldn't live much when I was in that unresolved mess, and there has got to be a better way. But I do feel that accepting the anger and what it may be about is probably essential to being a full human being.

[nottrustin]

I avoid anger whenever possible. Emdr T wants me to honor it in order to live forward.

[justagirl2019]

I experience a LOT of anger. Anger is the number one emotion I relate to. I have lost a lot of friendships over the years because of it, and I have gone through a lot of bad times with family because of it. Most recently, I've shown a LOT of anger toward my therapist. I think it comes down to fear of abandonment (at least with my therapist). When I leave a session happy or content, feeling connected to my therapist, I ache for her the entire week until I see her again. When I leave feeling angry, I tell myself 'screw her' and it's easier for me to separate from her after the session. I think I've conditioned myself to get angry at her more often than not... which is completely unjustified because she is perfect. It's just a self preservation thing on my part. And if I'm not careful, I know I am going to lose her too

[Xynesthesia2]

Anger, for me, can be one of the greatest motivational forces to elicit change. It signals, on the emotional level, that something is not right... and can induce a drive to change it in different ways I have access to. But it needs to be channeled constructively and not excessively. I was quite out of touch with my anger in my youth but discovered it as a wonderful (albeit sometimes unpleasant) source of energy in middle age. I wouldn't want to stifle it anymore, just keep an eye on how I use it.

[stopdog]

Anger is fine. It doesn't bother me to get angry.

[SoAn]

I fear anger in others, and also in myself. Recently, I have become *deeply* angry when minor things happened between a friend and me. Of course, this small thing meant something larger to me, but I knew that that was *my* problem and not theirs to deal with at that moment. Nevertheless, I still felt such a strong anger that it needed to come out. This is new to me and really difficult to navigate as I am trying to find my way around anger.

When others are angry, I feel very scared and my response is to suppress all my own thoughts and feelings, and to go along with whatever view they have. (This used to be the case, anyway - I think I am making some sort of progress on this).

I am currently trying to unlearn suppressing my own anger, which according to my T is something I do automatically. Whether it is anger or something else, we do not yet know, but at least I am zoning out supposedly because I feel something I have learned is not allowed. It's incredibly frustrating - she keeps asking what I feel, when all I feel is nothing at all. I hope it will help, but I feel like I am hitting a wall.