[KLL85]

*Possible Trigger*
So I find my T on Twitter (I know I shouldn’t be doing that) and his profile was public so I decided to look at who he was following. The majority of accounts were related to mental health and general every day interests but there were several accounts which I can only describe as porn accounts, a couple with extremely explicit photos of women and advertisements for sex on them. It has made me feel sick that he is following this type of account, particularly as someone who has suffered sexual abuse and has shared details of that with him. I really don’t know what to do, I’m not sure I can ever view him in the same way ever again after seeing this and it’s made me feel so angry and vulnerable. I’ve cancelled this weeks session as I can’t face him, do you think it’s possible to move past this?

[ArtleyWilkins]

He may have simply been hacked. Things show up that you don’t actually follow. Does he even really use his account with any regularity?

[KLL85]

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

He may have simply been hacked. Things show up that you don’t actually follow. Does he even really use his account with any regularity?

Yeah it looks like he uses it most days from his tweets and likes.

[maybeblue]

Yes. I think it's possible to move past it and I think you should talk to him about it. Because what I would guess is that he followed those accounts by accident, or someone hacked his account and followed those profiles to get their following numbers up. My husband had his account hacked once and it took him forever to figure it out because he doesn't use Twitter much. It doesn't make sense to me that a therapist would follow those accounts publically under his own name. It's so easy to cover your tracks if you really want to look at porn. So I bet it was a mistake made by someone who isn't paying attention...as in he was hacked and didn't realize it.

If it were me, I would say something like..."hey I saw that you had a public twitter account and I wanted to see if you were following anything that would be helpful to me and I noticed these really disturbing accounts and I wondered if you knew they were there." To me twitter is different than facebook. People follow strangers all the time. Seriously, don't let this ruin a relationship that has been helpful to you without at least talking to him about it. He should be grateful you told him about it because it affects his public reputation.

[toomanycats]

It might've been an accident or a hacking. It might also be his private sexual life. You're allowed to have feelings, of course, but there's technically nothing "wrong" with porn or sex. Every therapist has a private sexual life; it's not really our right to know about it. But, now you do, I'd talk to him about it...just understand that your reactions are your reactions, you have a right to them, but you didn't actually have a right to know about his sexual life...he didn't bring this into your therapy. He's not being sexually aggressive here or coersive or doing something ethically wrong. And, if you can't move past it, so be it - you move on to a different therapist.

or...maybe it's all a mistake.

[KLL85]

Originally Posted by maybeblue

Yes. I think it's possible to move past it and I think you should talk to him about it. Because what I would guess is that he followed those accounts by accident, or someone hacked his account and followed those profiles to get their following numbers up. My husband had his account hacked once and it took him forever to figure it out because he doesn't use Twitter much. It doesn't make sense to me that a therapist would follow those accounts publically under his own name. It's so easy to cover your tracks if you really want to look at porn. So I bet it was a mistake made by someone who isn't paying attention...as in he was hacked and didn't realize it.

If it were me, I would say something like..."hey I saw that you had a public twitter account and I wanted to see if you were following anything that would be helpful to me and I noticed these really disturbing accounts and I wondered if you knew they were there." To me twitter is different than facebook. People follow strangers all the time. Seriously, don't let this ruin a relationship that has been helpful to you without at least talking to him about it. He should be grateful you told him about it because it affects his public reputation.

I’m just really ashamed of the fact I was even looking at his twitter in the first place and I’m not sure he would react well to knowing that as his boundaries are pretty strict. This is what you get for snooping I guess

[KLL85]

Originally Posted by toomanycats

It might've been an accident or a hacking. It might also be his private sexual life. You're allowed to have feelings, of course, but there's technically nothing "wrong" with porn or sex. Every therapist has a private sexual life; it's not really our right to know about it. But, now you do, I'd talk to him about it...just understand that your reactions are your reactions, you have a right to them, but you didn't actually have a right to know about his sexual life...he didn't bring this into your therapy. He's not being sexually aggressive here or coersive or doing something ethically wrong. And, if you can't move past it, so be it - you move on to a different therapist.

or...maybe it's all a mistake.

I get what you’re saying and I have absolutely no desire to know anything about his sexual life. But I also know he has a wife and young kids and that just seems extremely disrespectful to his family, which makes me question the type of person he is.
I know I was in the wrong for looking at it in the first place, and it may be that he was hacked but it’s still something that has shocked and upset me. I guess I’m just being irrational.

[toomanycats]

KLL85 - that's your moral code. What's acceptable between him & his wife may be totally different. (After all, some people are even in open marriages.) For instance, I have no problem with my husband using porn. In fact, we both use it, and we're both perfectly happy with this.

You're not being irrational - what works for you is just different. You have every right to not want your own partner to look at porn. You have every right to have feelings and reactions about this, and, honestly, we all Google our therapists...it's normal. you are allowed to have reactions, and you're allowed to say "I can't work through this" and move on. I'm just encouraging you to hold a dual focus; your reaction (valid) and also to understand that he also has a right to have a totally different set of sexual beliefs and rules in his life.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by KLL85

*Possible Trigger*
So I find my T on Twitter (I know I shouldn’t be doing that) and his profile was public so I decided to look at who he was following. The majority of accounts were related to mental health and general every day interests but there were several accounts which I can only describe as porn accounts, a couple with extremely explicit photos of women and advertisements for sex on them. It has made me feel sick that he is following this type of account, particularly as someone who has suffered sexual abuse and has shared details of that with him. I really don’t know what to do, I’m not sure I can ever view him in the same way ever again after seeing this and it’s made me feel so angry and vulnerable. I’ve cancelled this weeks session as I can’t face him, do you think it’s possible to move past this?

I honestly dont know how I would handle it. Both of my T tslk about the exploitation of women in porn. Having been SA I would find it hard to move on. Not only because of how it makes me feel but that they present differently.

[KLL85]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

I honestly dont know how I would handle it. Both of my T tslk about the exploitation of women in porn. Having been SA I would find it hard to move on. Not only because of how it makes me feel but that they present differently.

That’s exactly it for me as well.

[atisketatasket]

Just fyi, it sounds like his account is public—which means any account can follow him. Till recently, you could set your Twitter to automatically follow back any account that followed you. This happened to me a couple times (yes, from porn accounts as well as regular ads) till I figured out how to change my settings and block accounts. It may be totally innocuous on his part.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Just don’t operate on assumptions. Talk to your therapist.

As others have said, I think it is highly likely that this is a mistake. It would be an act of extreme professional stupidity for him to follow those accounts publicly. However, even with that in mind, I would be bothered by seeing this - even an accidental association of my therapist with those images and pornographic exploitation would be deeply unsettling for me. Pornography and the sexual commodification of women is not a neutral area, no matter what sexual liberals would like others to believe

[maybeblue]

Originally Posted by KLL85

I’m just really ashamed of the fact I was even looking at his twitter in the first place and I’m not sure he would react well to knowing that as his boundaries are pretty strict. This is what you get for snooping I guess

I'm normally not an "it's ok to snoop on your therapist" type of person. To me things like looking at facebook profiles of therapist friends is a boundary I wouldn't cross. But Twitter is something that a lot of people use for business and if his profile is public it just doesn't seem like a big deal. What kind of tweets does he do? Are any of them mental health related?

[Spirit of Trees]

I agree that it'd be worth talking to your T about what you found on his twitter. I hope it was just a mistake and not something worse. If I found out that my T was following porn accounts, that would bother me a lot too.

[TeaVicar?]

I can understand the feelings of shame but don't beat yourself up about looking him up. It's not hard to make social media accounts private. Therapists expect to be looked up. If he doesn't like it, he needs to amend his account settings. You do need to bring it up somehow though, otherwise it will fester. What are you afraid of, him being angry with you?

[Xynesthesia2]

I am one of those that believe there is nothing wrong with looking up public info on anyone on the internet, especially not our therapist that we share so many personal things with but they don't reciprocate (or not to the same extent). But I am beginning to think perhaps I am in the minority thinking this way as similar issues come up here on PC very frequently, people feeling torn or ashamed about googling the T. I tend to really believe though that it is not the privately looking at public info that is intrusive, but questioning the person about things they don't mean to share with us.

Maybe one thing to consider, other than it may be a mistake / automatic follows on his end, is (as mentioned by others as well) that many people do not believe there is anything wrong with adult porn, if it is kept in its own place and is not abusive. It does make sense for a T to be sensitive to this and be aware than many clients may have strong negative feelings about it due to their own histories or different morals, but they might just want be free in their personal lives. If they do want to make those connections related to sex, they would probably not get as many with a private account. I do very much think it is not good for the professional image of a therapist (or anyone in responsible, visible positions) to be so transparent about stuff like that, but some people just don't want to mask their whole life for that reason.

I personally would be careful about questioning the T about this and would think what I would want to get out of such a discussion. What could possibly happen and would those outcomes feel satisfying? For example, the T might immediately recognize that you felt disturbed by this and just lie, say that those were just automatic follows and maybe that he wasn't even aware. You could never know the truth. Or (more likely) would want to investigate with you why it bothers you - would you find this useful? Is it related to what you are in therapy for or things you feel uncomfortable and want to change in your life? If yes, I would also suggest to tell him but if not, what would be the point? Maybe to ease your mind sharing your feelings, that could also be a good reason.

If the T is using his Twitter for professional purposes (as many people do), making it private may not serve that well.

[SalingerEsme]

I would be devastated if my t publicly followed porn etc. As a csa survivor, i just dont want a t who objectifies women, and then has the poor judgement to do that on social media. I am so sorry. Honor your feelings, and share your grief and sense of unsafely with him if your bond is strong. In this day and age, no T should feel as though clients won't see public social media .