Couch 209: The Kummer Couch

Ugh, sorry about your dental experience @@. You deserve a milkshake. And more painkillers.

Jersey, you're not making a big deal about nothing. That's a big deal, don't take the dad's (non)reaction as a reflection on what you know. There's normal four y.o. behavior. And there are four y.o.'s that don't change that behavior in response to correction. Repeated aggressive behavior from a kiddo who's pretty much worn out the adults around him to the point that they're having him evaluated is a big deal, especially when the safety of the other kids is at stake.

I agree you need another job. The parents probably don't have a clue how to handle the kid and are at their wits' end, but it is not okay for them to leave you on the hook all day with all three kids and no additional support.

Is that what you do when ex hankster and you agree?

I am having a good attitude today. (She says through gritted teeth.)

Still not divorced, and my attorney hasn't gotten back to me. I will email him tomorrow.

Thanks WFS. I plan to renew my care.com subscription and start my search right after Christmas.

Let us know if he doesn’t get back to you after you email him. I’m in the mood to roll some heads. .

Boy your nosy! #DontAskDontTell

Eta - just saw your dentist post. Ugh all my appts were 3-4 hrs long, my first few years at the dental school. I guess i finally graduated to the upper classmen. But it was brutal. I was afraid i was gonna throw a clot, setting still that long!

The attorney's head isn't the one I want to roll.

Having lunch with the ex tomorrow. He's acting weird, and neither my attorney or the mediator have gotten back to me...so I am wondering if there's something upthat I'll be finding out tomorrow.

Trying not to be anxious. Having a good attitude....

@NP_Complete, I just saw your Dear T post, and I'm so sorry things are still terrible with your T. I'm still going through something similar with my T now (right down to feeling like I was doing therapy wrong), and it sucks. It's also not anything I can talk about with real-life people, and when I try, they are often not helpful. The only thing that's helping me make any sense of the relationship is my other T, and mostly it helps that she validates my feelings and points out places where my T is kind of messing things up for me. (I am suspecting burnout, personal issues, or maybe a brain tumor.) Anyway, I really hope you can hang in there and that things start feeling better for you soon.

This christmas is nowhere near as triggering as every other year. I am not sure why this is.

Finding myself white-knuckling it through the festive season. Next week is my last therapy session for the year. We usually exchange cards, but other than that, I am considering asking R not to mention it.

By the time we reconvene, I will be staring down the first of three January anniversaries.

I wanted to say something at the end of last session, but she had just helped me out of the intense space I was in.

I sent an email before yesterday's session, so I am trying not to email again, even though she has said that I can email.

The 4 year old is at his evaluation. The 3 year old is at her 2 day a week morning preschool
Class that is over at 11. The infant is taking a nap. IÂ’m sitting on the couch. I should be making myself look busy but IÂ’m not. Honestly the toys are cleaned up and I did the laundry yesterday so...IÂ’m sitting for this bit of quiet until the infant wakes up.

Thanks, and I'm sorry you're struggling as well. I don't have anyone in real life I could talk to about this and I don't feel like I can even talk about it here because I can't get my thoughts straight enough to try to even explain. And even if I could, I would sound so ridiculous. I've tried to explain to P, but I'm afraid he thinks my feelings are romantic or sexual in nature and I can't even bring myself to say out loud that they're not.

Monday's session we were talking about the relationship and working on fixing it, but then Wednesday's session we got onto my environment and how I should buy new furniture and fix my oven that's broken and buy a bed. (I do find parts of my home triggering still and I avoid those parts mostly.) He kept saying that I have the financial resources to fix my house up so it's different and better. I wanted to say to him that money doesn't buy happiness. So what if I buy a new sofa and take my TV out of bubble wrap. I'll just be depressed in the living room instead of in my guest room. He must have brought up my financial resources 5 or 6 times. It started to make me feel uncomfortable. Then he said if I found doing all that too much I should start medications. It made me feel like he was trying to get rid of me. He probably isn't, it's just my ****ed up head that's telling me that he is, and it's hard to not listen to what your head is telling you. I left this session feeling about 10x worse than when I went in.

I sent him an email later that night asking if we could please not change anything else in our relationship or try to shake my life up in a major way before he leaves for a 9-day vacation because I'm not doing well lately and I need something to feel stable. I hope he took that email well and I didn't say anything stupid that's going to ruin everything even more than I already ruined it. We meet again today and then on Monday and then he's gone. I don't expect to have any contact with him during his break even though we usually do a check-in when he's gone this long. I'm struggling with SI lately because everything just feels hopeless but I don't think I can even tell him that because then it'll seem like I'm just wanting him to call me while he's gone. And of course I do want him to call me but I'll never admit that to him. I'm tired of feeling pathetic and needy.

Hugs, NP, that all sounds really difficult and painful. I'd feel really awkward if my T kept making those sorts of suggestions to me as well or mentioning "financial resources." I wonder if it's that he's afraid he's not helping you enough so trying different approaches? I hope your session goes well today and that he'll offer up a check-in call.

I hope you were able to enjoy the brief break in the action, Jersey. When you say you feel you should look busy--do you mean on the Nanny Cam? I can't believe they'd expect you to be busy every second...

The boy is back from his evaluations. He has ADHD with ODD. Having the ODD makes a lot of sense. They sent him home with a prescription for a non stimulant ADHD med. He will need stimulants when he gets into more years at school ( like around 1st grade when he would be really required to sit at a desk for longer periods of time). He may also see a child psychologist to help him learn to manage his emotions.

His diagnosis doesn’t change my decision to move on from this family.

Both of those diagnoses make a lot of sense.

I really hope you find something calmer.

Thanks. I plan to move onto family with just one kid. Mainly because I’m getting too old for this s h i t but also because looking after 3 is just too much. And I had twins for 2 families in a row..I’m done with twins too.

I'm glad they got to the bottom of 4YO's behaviour. Agree with doing what's best for you, entirely.

What is ODD?

Those do make sense--my friend has two sons on the spectrum, and the one who also has ODD is the particularly challenging one. I definitely understand your decision to move on from the family. Hope you can find a new one soon!

Thanks. ODD is oppositional defiant disorder. It makes total sense for him.

Thanks everyone. Now I have to go pick up said child from school. His mother took him after his evaluations. Probably wasn’t the smartest choice for today. He’s going to be exhausted.

I guessed that would be the diagnosis. The behaviors were too angry and violent to be just ADHD; definitely can be a combination of both. Challenging kids. I taught a behavioral classroom years ago with a couple of boys with ODD. Nice kids much of the time, but when they exploded . . . . They require nearly constant supervision because the impulsivity and explosiveness in so unpredictable.

I was rooting for the poor little guy. Now he will be drugged into oblivian