[lifeblows]

I had been struggling over whether or not to post something that's been bothering me since it happened yesterday. I finally just wrote a long post about it hoping maybe it would help get it out of me because it's still with me today. Knowing me, it wouldn't, but I figured I'd at least try. If anyone bothered to read it, at least maybe one person out there would get it?

So after all that hemming & hawing over whether to post it, after all that writing & explaining, I accidentally hit something & now it's all gone. I guess that is confirmation I shouldn't have posted it anyway. Sigh.
I don't know why I'm even posting this. I guess I just want to know I'm not the only tired, sad, haunted, doomed, hopeless freak in the world. It's also four weeks ago today that I quit therapy & the upsetting stuff that happened yesterday was related to that & my ex-therapist. I just don't think anything is ever going to be okay for me.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( lifeblows )))))))))))))))))))))))))

that has happened to me before - it's so frustrating.

If it is something you need to talk about, I hope you will let yourself type it again. I don't think it's a "sign" that you're not supposed to post it, although I know that feeling

There is a lot of support here. Let us support you.

You may be tired and sad, but you are not a doomed, hopeless freak. You are a good person going through a bad time. Be gentle with you. Give yourself some grace. Sometimes when I feel like that, I tell myself "I'm just me"....not the worst person in the world, not the best person in the world, just who I am, and it has to be okay, because that's just what it is. My T says that is "grace". It's okay to be you.

(((((((((((((((((( lifeblows )))))))))))))))))) Sending lots of

[MINIME]

Life I gotta run but i will get back to ya. Hang in there. It will b ok I promise.

[Sannah]

Life, please consider posting it again! Writing this stuff out and getting feedback really helps....

((((((((((((((((lifeblows))))))))))))))))))))))
have u considered going back to therapy??
stay safe

[MINIME]

Life, It will get better I promise. I want to help u find a new T. I am here for you. You and me are so much alike so I guess if your a freak so am I. I understand you. I dont know what happened yesterday and i want to help u. I think that you are very sweet honest and caring. If you want i can do prank calls on your old T. LOL I can call her and say hey T is your fridge running? If she says yes then I say its running away from u and your bad therapy. Talk to me life. I dont know if i can get back online tonight because i I have to go to another sisters birthday. My little sister not the one who died. My mom had kids like this sept 2 and sept 4 oct 7 oct 9 (two on the ninth) and oct 11. Yikes. So the girls birth mom has a birthday today. Then the girls will keep the computer all night. I will be checking on my phone though to read any posts but its hard to reply on the phone so I will reply in the am. hang in there. Watch the video I sent you in the video forum. I mean every workd on that song. I will be here for you I promise.

[MINIME]

Im worried about you,

[lifeblows]

Hey everyone, hugs and thank you for all the words of encouragement. And thank you for thinking of me. I did not have a good night yesterday. I ended up staying up most of the night in the bathroom pulling out my hair. I always hate myself even more when I do that. I cut before that. That I don't hate myself for.

Even after reading all that coaxing, I still don't feel like talking about the other stuff I had tried to write about because it seems so trivial and stupid. I guess I feel too dead to write about it.

Then today I had a weird connection between some PTSD/smell oriented kind of stuff and that's a little unsettling. Plus it happened near a place where I keep having weird reactions but not knowing why and I was doing the same stuff again as when it's happened before. Really bothersome. So a new disturbance. You know, the disturbance of the day sort of thing because you weren't upset enough to begin with. Ever feel like you're buried & suffocating in issues?

[MINIME]

Life I am so sad that you hurt your self, Im not mad or anything but sad because I care about you. Im so sorry that things are so hard. I wish that you didnt have to suffer.
I hate this stupid stupid stupid illness. I hate that it takes us to these places and we have no where to go except to ourselves. I hate this so much. Im really angry at the people who hurt you. I want to do something mean to them like egg their house. Im crying because I see in you the same pain I have in me and Im helpless to stop it in either place. Its not fair. I want to tell you that you are so important to this world to me and others here. i want you to see the beauty in you that I see. I want you to se the valuable human being that I see when I see you. ( I know I dont see you see you but i see you through your words) I want you to love yourself because you deserve it. I know when I say those words you think that will never happen I dont even like myself and no one else has taught me that I am worth liking or loving. I know that feeling. I cant do this for myself but im trying and I want it for you. I feel like we are sisters. i cant explain why but I feel like u are my sister. I want to hug you and tell you all the things i would tell my own sisters if they were not so annoying. I want to tell you that you are so important to me and I care about you. Im crying and i dont cry because this stupid crap that happened to us is crappy. The thought of you on the bathroom floor hurting yourslef lst night breaks my heart because i was thinking of you alot last night and wishing I could know you were safe. I have never had anyone in my life that gets what its like to be me so completely and I am not letting go of you ever. Im crying for you and that little girl who you were and wish that you could love her like i love her. I cant love my own 9 year old self she is spending the weekend with my T but i can love your little girl you used to be. My t could take yours for a while if u need a break. Please talk to me when u feel so bad if u can. I can text you from my phone if u want. That way if your in the bathroom u can text me. can u take care of my friend life? Clean up her cuts and brush her hair? I never met anyone who know what it is like to be me and I will not clos my eyes on her ok? Im not going to check my spelling or typing because this is from the heart and the heart is full love not spell check.

[meeka]

Please just write again and share.............. Dont carry it all by yourself

[meeka]

Please, you need to be back into therapy, even if it means to find another therapist. If you have been in therapy and that itself becomes frustrating for you and solution doesnt seem in sight, it can complicate what you started out with... Dont let that add up to the burden which you have been carrying. Its way easier said than done, but please take the step to find a new therapist. Its very difficult to let go of past hurts and all of us are in the process to one extent or the other, please dont make new hurts for yourself.

[Sannah]

Life, I am concerned about you too and hope that you can find it in yourself to hope again.........

Life, I am sorry you're feeling crappy; I do hope things are better.

I also wanted to gently remind you to please, please use the trigger icon if you are going to mention self-injury, and please do not post details about what it was like when you injured. Thank you so much.

[lifeblows]

If you don't have anything nice to say, it might be better to ignore my posts or not say anything at all as you're upsetting and triggering an already depressed and suicidal person. Some of us on here are in already very fragile states and it doesn't take much to push us over the edge. Posts like that don't help.

Originally Posted by lifeblows

If you don't have anything nice to say, it might be better to ignore my posts or not say anything at all as you're upsetting and triggering an already depressed and suicidal person. Some of us on here are in already very fragile states and it doesn't take much to push us over the edge. Posts like that don't help.

Right-- and as a self-injurer it is triggering for me to read how the blood came out of your injury. I was just asking you apply a trigger icon and not go into the content of your injuries. That's all.

[MINIME]

I think that it was the way it was stated to a person who is already severely scared to reach out. We can all remember that place where we reach out scared to death and any type of negative reaction whether meant to or not can really devastate us. I think that in the future if this happens with a new member someone can easily ask a admin to put a trigger icon on it and then PM the poster saying that we had to put this trigger Icon on your post because of this....no big deal and I'm glad ur posting. Then you can explain the reasons its not a good idea to post about specifics and why it isnt. I think I PM would have been a kinder way to do this and have an admin put a trigger icon on the post. I understand where ur coming from Pink. but also I know exactly how this kind of gentle reminder in the public forum could really really hurt someone who is reaching out in that place.
I want life to feel safe again to be here. I just think that we all need to b careful of how we react to intense pain in posts because this may be the only place some of the people have to vent to ask for help and get support.
I remember once when I was new I posted something and I didn't put a trigger icon on it. The next day a trigger icon appeared on it no explanation or public embarrassment no nothing. I looked at it and said what? Then I saw that it was because my post was triggering and I didn't know at the time. I learned from something so simple and compassionate.
P\

[bipolar_bear]

A gentle reminder to all of us. Please keep posts within the guidelines. http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=3643 If a post may be triggering to another member please put a trigger icon on it for everyones safety. It is usually better to put one on if you aren't sure.

If there is a question if a post is within the guidelines please contact the mod/admin team and we will evaluate it.

If you have a question please don't hesitate to contact me or another member of the mod/admin team by PM. Thanks.

BB

[MINIME]

I wish we could have moved this discussion off of this post. Its not going to be helpful to the poster. If someone wants to stick a trigger Icon on it do it and then can we stop.

Life. Im sorry that this happened to your post when u reached out for help. Give us another chance.

[chaotic13]

Then today I had a weird connection between some PTSD/smell oriented kind of stuff and that's a little unsettling.

((((Lifeblows)))))
Just wanted to say I hope you are doing better. I don't think I have PTSD, but I do experience symptoms of increased sensations. Frequently I am hit with a smell that sends my mind into certain thought loops. For me smell and touch sensations are the worst for me to deal with.

Just wanted to send you some hugs.

[coconut64]

Life, just wanted to say hi and send many hugs your way. Please keep talking to us. It sounds like you're in a tough spot, I would like to offer some support.