Couch 213: The Tulip couch

I used to live in PA and have cousins there still. The state controls liquor sales directly. But as of I think a year or two or ago you can get wine and beer in a supermarket. And supermarkets are still open.

Plus Delaware, Maryland, New Jersey, New York, West Virginia, and Ohio all have open liquor stores and are on the borders of PA.

So honestly I don’t know what the big deal in PA is. Forcing people who refuse to acknowledge their alcohol issues to acknowledge them and do something about it? (From what I’ve experienced of alcoholics via 1ex, it’ll take more than a pandemic to do that.)

One problem I forsee is people who have severe alcohol use disorder--many of them develop alcohol withdrawal if they don't drink every day; they could have seizures or even die. We don't need people withdrawing from alcohol clogging up hospital beds right now.

Yes, we discussed this on the Couch yesterday. What I’m saying is people in PA can get alcohol if not hard liquor at their supermarket. Also the state sells hard liquor online via some company called Fine Spirits or some such and that was not closed down. That’s how my likely alcoholic cousin there is supplying herself.

In other words there are alternatives to breathing all over your local state store.

Maybe they could open the state-run stores and only offer curb-side service, like some liquor stores (and restaurants) here are doing? Call ahead or order online (and pay in advance), then they just bring it out to your vehicle. Very limited contact, no crowds.

Also, re: driving to another state to get it, I don't know what the PA restrictions are in terms of a shelter-in-place or lockdown, but in my state, we were told starting last night that we aren't supposed to leave the state unless a very good reason (like going to take care of sick relative), and I think people coming back into the state from elsewhere may be asked to self-quarantine for 14 days? It's possible I'm thinking of a neighboring state for the second thing. (Also, I'm in one of the neighboring states you listed--don't bring your germs here to buy booze, Pennsylvanians!)

Pennsylvanians are very clean people!

Sorry, guys, I think I’m mostly annoyed at people not social distancing (and at my cousin as well as worried for her). I had to get a prescription this morning and I swear some of the assholery I saw—I say if you’re an a-hole in a pandemic, that tells me who you really are.

I'm getting way too many emails and phone calls from my kids schools and teachers. I really appreciate that they're all checking in and getting ready to start remote learning tomorrow. But it's a lot to sort through by myself. I thought my preschooler was off the hook but apparently not..though hers is just looking at shapes around the house, learning ABC's and 123s which is easy. I just wish we weren't temporarily going through a separation on top of this so I'd have some help.

Yeah i just dont know what the Gov of PA is thinking. You just dont place an additional burden on your people like that. Not when its legal!!

I also dont know why its freaking me out so much!

Plus, like you cant put beer in a little flask you use for gin! What are you supposed to do, shove a six-pack down your pants?

I dont need anything stressing ME out at this time, i cant imagine how these people feel. Well una, here is the perfect time for you to stop eating cookies. While the rest of the world is eating them, or is dying. Yeah i dont think so.

Im sorry that happened, but that makes me feel a little better about being such a wimp about (not) going out for my dr appt.

Thats what theyre thinking, a soft open.

Re driving to another state - exactly!!!

I have given myself an earworm, a song I started singing to new cat when feeding her.



Quarantine, quarantine, quarantine cat
Quarantine this and quarantine that



Needs more lyrics. Also a more appreciative feline audience.

Has a good beat and is easy to dance to. I give it a 95.

Just had a God-awful session over Zoom. I am furious with my T. I have never been this angry with him. I keep telling him that I need him to be reassuring and comforting and instead he keeps challenging me. He told me me that my sending him an email about the fact that my work schedule has completely changed and asking him to be flexible about appointments was an effort to control him. He says that no matter what he does I get angry at him. He doesn't consider the possibility that he's being objectively obtuse and angry-making. I don't even know what to do I am so mad. This has never happened to me before.

Asking to reschedule appointments is controlling?

I’d be mad too. Have you got a pillow to punch or throw or scream into?

Yeesh. I'm sorry, chihiro. I don't know what his deal is.

There have been phases where I am regularly (and sometimes irrationally) angry with my T. It's kind of part of their job to figure out what to do with that.

But chiro didnt ask to reschedule an appointment. Right? You (chiro) tried to warn him ahead of time. Thats like saying, you cant be mad at me because i warned you ahead of time, so THATS trying to control the outcome, trying to make it a FAIR outcome for yourself. Why? Dont you trust him to be fair to you? I think THATS what hes calling you out on. That you ACT worried that you have to prepare him, because he is such an ogre. I dont think you REALLY feel HE is the ogre. Your family is kinda ogreish, you cant really get reasonable treatment from them. But he is not them, so its transference, so thats what he is pointing out.

I think its not so much the BEING controlling, its the trust, its the why? Controlling is not the insult it seems to be. Boy i wish i had seen this about 40 years ago.

Hi again,

Sorry to email you so many times today but I wanted to let you know about this sooner rather than later. Happy to talk about this in session tomorrow if you prefer that to discussing over email.

My program director just completely upended our work schedule due to the COVID surge. I anticipate that due to increased patient loads, I will no longer be able to leave work to attend session, even over Zoom. As such, I will need to cancel a few appointments; please see dates below in bold. Also, I wanted to ask if you would be willing to make an exception to the 48h notice required to cancel a session, just on the days when I am on backup call (please see dates below in italics)—I may not know until 6:30 that morning whether or not I will be required to work.

4/3 (Friday): On backup call, may have to cancel that morning if I get called in
4/7 (Tuesday): Day ICU, have to cancel
4/10 (Friday): Day ICU, have to cancel
4/13 (Tuesday): Off, can keep appt
4/17 (Friday): Day ICU, have to cancel
4/21 (Tuesday): Day ICU, have to cancel
4/24 (Friday): Off, can keep appt
4/28 (Tuesday): Off, can keep appt
5/1 (Friday): Off, can keep appt
5/5 (Tuesday): Night ICU, can keep appt
5/8 (Friday): Off, can keep appt
5/12 (Tuesday): On backup call, may have to cancel that morning if I get called in
5/15 (Friday): On backup call, may have to cancel that morning if I get called in

(This will no longer be accurate if my COVID test comes back positive, in which case I will have to be out through 4/13 and will therefore be able to make appts on 4/7 and 4/10.)

[c]

Is he calling you controlling because you asked about waiving the 48 hour notice thing? Because I don't see much of anything to take offense to in your email.

Yeah that was one of the things he didn't like. I thought that being on the front lines of a pandemic was a good enough excuse to ask for an exception of that rule for three days???

If I was angry enough, I'd just preemptively cancel them at that point. I think it's a great reason to ask for an exception.

Or he's feeling hurt because you cancelled some sessions and he doesn't feel important enough?

Chiro - wow. Thats a lot of stuff to figure out. I think SD would say that is almost math!

I can figure it out because i have a computer brain, and i can see there is a pattern of no-change days, and those should NOT have been listed.

Otherwise, i would say my t would have wanted the info on a week to week basis.

So yeah, i stand by what i said. Only you "warned" him with a ton of detail, but same difference.

I couldnt see that it was just for 3 days. That detail was hidden among all the "no change". 3 days over 2 months or whatever is pretty trivial. If thats all you are asking, i would be mad you took such a long way to ask it, no offense!

Eta - oh the other thing is x many cancelled appts. Its just a confusing letter to me.

I didn't find it confusing. The important dates were bolded in the original. I can see why she listed all of her scheduled sessions. I don't see anything wrong with giving him a heads up about her schedule if she already knows it now. He's just being difficult about this. Way to make your client feel like a paycheck.

Well my t was pretty adamant about using session time for schedule changes. No way would he have spent half an hour trying to figure out a story problem, with no idea if he was even getting it right. Maybe thats where the "youre trying to control me" came in? Cuz i saw the list and got a headache, and i also 'heard', "update your appointment book not on my session time" equals control.

Chiro - he sounds like his ego and narcissism are controlling your appointments. But I have never liked him from any of your descriptions. The email was not confusing to me (and I suck at math - but it had nothing to do with math at all).

She says right at the beginning they can discuss in session. I thinks it's much easier to have all of these dates in writing so there's no question of error and since they're meeting remotely now, it's not like she can hand him a piece of paper with all the schedule changes written down. Email seems like a great use for this kind of scheduling. One of the dates in question is this week, so it seems like he needed to know asap. The email made perfect sense to me.