[Lola5]

I want to quit therapy. My T isn't helping me find ways to address my disorders and only wants to talk about unimportant things. He cuts me off at 45min to end the session no matter what we are discussing, even if we're in the middle of something. The problem is that I need something back from him.

About 2 months ago, he asked me to bring in a journal entry I wrote where I wrote out everything and everyone I am angry about. I have a lot of anger and we were going to address this. We read some of it during session, but not all because it was 40 pages, and then he asked that I print it and bring it next time for him to read on his own. I didn't feel comfortable with him having what I had written and kept telling told him this so I didn't bring it for a few weeks. He kept pushing each time and finally said “I'm going to ask one more time that you bring it next session.” I thought he could help me work through the anger so I gave in and brought it next session and he took it home. Since then, we haven't seen each other in person because of the pandemic and have had virtual sessions. For two weeks in a row after, I asked to discuss what I had written, but he said it was too long and he hadn't read it. When I tried to discuss it with him during the third week, he basically was telling me the things I am angry about are in the past and things are different now so I need to focus on now and we never talked about my anger again.

I NEED MY JOURNAL ENTRY BACK! I wrote a lot of mean stuff about people who I love deeply and who have sacrificed so much in their lives for me and have done a lot of good things for me despite making big mistakes. I feel awful about writing it. I don't have another copy of what I wrote because I always print my journal entries and delete them from my computer. I don't feel comfortable with him having my journal entry in his possession. I need him to give it back to me. I thought I could muddle through therapy for a few weeks and then in person sessions would resume and I could get it back, but the quarantine has dragged on and now it looks like it will be two more months until there's a chance in person sessions can resume. I can't go on paying $$$ and wasting my time in these sessions, but I also can't let go of him having my journal entry with all the vile things I had written. I haven't been able to sleep through the night once since giving it to him. I'm supposed to be meeting with him again in a few days. I don't know what to do.

[Victoria'smom]

Can you space out your sessions or say your going to wait until in person resumes. I don't see how you can get it back until after the quarantine.

[AceRimmer]

I think you should be able to get that journal back if you want. Write a formal letter demanding it back and forward a copy to the therapists's boss. I never like the idea of writing those because sometimes you don't want what you've written getting out. It doesn't happen often but it can.

[Adyna]

Can it be mailed back to you or did I miss some info? I'm rather jealous of that, my therapist seems completely uninterested in my journals/books and never asks to read anything. I hope you get it back soon.

[Salmon77]

I would email him and ask him to mail the journal entry to you, if you really want it back.

On the other hand, I don't really understand why you want it back. He can't do anything with it or show it to anyone, so whatever you wrote is not going to get out. People are probably more likely to see it if it's in your possession. I'd just cut my losses and forget about it. But then I have boxes of old notebooks that I never look at.

[Rive.]

Ask him to mail it to you.

IF you are meeting in person (you didn't specify), ask him to bring it with him and you would take it back.

It is your stuff, your writing, so he ought to comply. No questions about it.

And yes, he seems rather forceful with you. I would indeed, look around for another T.

[Lola5]

I'm not seeing him in person because of the pandemic. I'm nervous about him mailing it in case it gets lost in the mail. It has a lot of very private and identifying information.

I think the question I meant to ask got lost because I wrote so much. I don't want to keep wasting money on sessions (because he charges a lot), but I also need to get the journal entry back. What can I do to get it back without having to continue going to sessions?

[Salmon77]

Send an email, tell him you're discontinuing therapy and that you want him to FedEx your journal entry back to you.

[ArtleyWilkins]

If you don't want it mailed and you generally delete what you type anyway, why not just tell him to shred it and be done with it? You don't feel good about the content of what you wrote. Sometimes just getting rid of it isn't a bad plan. That would also free you up to stop seeing your therapists since that seems to be also what you want to do.

[AceRimmer]

Originally Posted by Salmon77

I would email him and ask him to mail the journal entry to you, if you really want it back.

On the other hand, I don't really understand why you want it back. He can't do anything with it or show it to anyone, so whatever you wrote is not going to get out. People are probably more likely to see it if it's in your possession. I'd just cut my losses and forget about it. But then I have boxes of old notebooks that I never look at.

He can't ETHICALLY do anything with it, but that doesn't mean it can't get out. Privacy violations do happen. I had it happen to me. Here's a famous case from 2016:
Giants kicker Josh Brown confessed to abusing wife, being ‘sexual deviant’
Giants kicker Josh Brown confessed to abusing wife, being ‘sexual deviant’

The Giants kicker admitted to “physically, emotionally and verbally” abusing Molly Brown, now his ex-wife, numerous times, in journal entries, counseling exercises and court documents.

Giants kicker Josh Brown detailed domestic violence in documents
In one of Brown's journal entries obtained as part of the investigation, he writes: "I have abused my wife."

Josh Brown of New York Giants admits to domestic violence in documents
That was a journal he was keeping as part of his therapy.

[NP_Complete]

Although the linked articles aren't clear how this information came to light, I assume these things came about because of a subpoena and had nothing to do with an unethical therapist. Unless OP is a major sports figure or other celebrity, I doubt her journal entry will be leaked to the press.

[sarahsweets]

I did a bunch of googling about this and all that came up was HIPPA guidelines about clients having access to their records and therapy notes. If you are interested in finding out how to get them post here and I will post the links. I didnt want to junk up your thread and make it off topic.

As far as your journal goes you need to treat it as if its your patient records. You should write a letter with a formal request. Do not say in the letter you are leaving therapy. Formally request your journal in writing and then mail the letter to their office and ask for them to be mailed to you. Include your address and tell the therapist you will pay for postage or you can meet outside their office and mask up and have the therapist give them to you in 'person' like that. The reason I say not to tell the therapist about wanting to end it is because I dont want the therapist to have any reason to withhold them from you. If you want to make up a reason tell the therapist that you want to make a copy of it to give to her/him and to keep the original- even though that wont be what actually happens once they are in your hands you are not obligated to do jack ***** about actually giving the records to this person.

Interestingly enough when I was researching all sorts of articles popped up about therapists protecting themselves against liability and all sorts of interpretations of HIPPA and how to avoid giving out these records even though clients should be entitled to their own records. And no, you shouldnt have to pay for postage but the end game is to get your records no matter what. I am just trying to save you a headache in case your therapist uses postage as a way to avoid giving your journal back.

[Rive.]

PS: I meant to have him mail it to you by secure courrier, not regular postal service.

[Salmon77]

Originally Posted by AceRimmer

He can't ETHICALLY do anything with it, but that doesn't mean it can't get out. Privacy violations do happen. I had it happen to me. Here's a famous case from 2016:
Giants kicker Josh Brown confessed to abusing wife, being ‘sexual deviant’
Giants kicker Josh Brown confessed to abusing wife, being ‘sexual deviant’

Josh Brown of New York Giants admits to domestic violence in documents
That was a journal he was keeping as part of his therapy.

He might have kept a journal because his therapist suggested it, but that doesn't mean the therapist ever had his journal, read it, or provided it to the authorities.

Anyway, as someone else said, unless OP is famous, or is writing specific plans to cause harm, there is really no reason for the T to do anything with OP's journal entry. Apparently he hasn't even read it. Personally I'd ask him to shred it and move on.

OP: I find myself wondering, how are you dealing with your anger that your T isn't interested in reading your journal? Are you planning on seeking therapy elsewhere after you terminate with this one?

[AceRimmer]

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

Although the linked articles aren't clear how this information came to light, I assume these things came about because of a subpoena and had nothing to do with an unethical therapist. Unless OP is a major sports figure or other celebrity, I doubt her journal entry will be leaked to the press.

I don't know what's in it. Maybe it's all harmless, but maybe he has committed some 'thought crimes' There's LOTS of pressure being put on therapists to disclose anything that could possibly lead to future violent behavior. I knew lots of people in the psych hospital who got there because their therapist put them there and everything got discussed in court.

[Lola5]

Thank you for all the tips! I ended up not telling him I want to end. I went to a few more sessions, asked for the journal back so I could have it before we see each in person and he said he can't mail confidential records and even if he could his post office is not working regularly etc. Hoping to get it at least when I come by in person.

Originally Posted by Salmon77

OP: I find myself wondering, how are you dealing with your anger that your T isn't interested in reading your journal? Are you planning on seeking therapy elsewhere after you terminate with this one?

I am SO MAD about this. I spent all this time writing it and all he gives me is "I hope you feel better now that you've written it all out." No, I don't. Years and years of anger over mistakes that end up derailing my life to this day aren't fix just because I wrote words on a paper.

Originally Posted by AceRimmer

I don't know what's in it. Maybe it's all harmless, but maybe he has committed some 'thought crimes' There's LOTS of pressure being put on therapists to disclose anything that could possibly lead to future violent behavior. I knew lots of people in the psych hospital who got there because their therapist put them there and everything got discussed in court.

This is really frightening to hear. I mostly wrote about anger at my family members and nothing criminal. Just feeling like they failed me.