[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I need help with bringing up a certain topic with my T.

Yesterday, I saw my T for the first time in four months. It was a great session and I'm glad it's currently possible here to see him.
During the session as well as during a few previous phone calls, he mentioned that he's taking his car to get to work for now. It's normally a pain to drive cars in cities here and public transport is used a lot, but he (as well as a lot of other people) think it's currently safer to take the car as often as possible.

In front of his office, there's two parking spots for people attending therapy sessions. I noticed that there was one car that's normally never there, Fridays are usually not busy at all in his practice and I'm often the only person there, which was also the case yesterday. The car really fits what I'd imagine my T to drive. I didn't mention it yesterday since I don't really care too much, I was just glad to see him.

However, it later occurred to me that my T is probably not aware of the following: in my country, our DMV runs a website where you can enter basically any license plate number and find out who owns that number, as well as where they live. My T is pretty bad with technology and the internet (he once told me he found out about google 'a couple of years ago', when it's been out for much longer than that, I had to tell him how to write certain characters in our language on the keyboard, he didn't offer video sessions because it was too difficult for him to figure out how to set it up...). I am almost 100 percent sure he is not aware of the fact that such a website exists and that it's that easy and legal to look up the address of somebody given their license plate number.

I know that he values his privacy and that it's not easy, if at all possible, to find his address via google searches (I've never researched it in depth, but it's certainly not something that just pops up if you google him, it's not in the directory or anything like that). I'm not sure it's his car, since I didn't check that website and I don't plan on doing so, I feel it would not be good for me to know such information (I've had trouble with learning way too much about people in the past, that's also how I know this website exists). I would, however, like to point out that if this is his car, then all his clients who pay some attention to their surroundings could figure out where he lives.

I'm not sure how to best go about telling him. I feel that if I say 'I saw this car, it looks exactly like what you'd drive and by the way, it's possible to figure out where you live from that', he will think that I actually did look up where he lives if it's his car. And in that case he would probably be angry and while I doubt he'd terminate me, it's something I'm always scared of so I worry about that a lot.

Do you guys have any idea on how to best breach that topic?

It's not your job to protect his privacy. Clients could follow him home if they wanted, do you need to warn him about that too? I would think that the deeper issue for you to consider is where your need to protect and guard him is coming from and how that resonates in your life outside therapy.

[MissUdy]

I think your post sums up your worries pretty well, can you tell your T what you told us? If someone did run his plates to get his address and then turn up at his house...I suppose it would turn in to a police matter for stalking or something. Just knowing where he lives doesn’t seem like it should be a problem? I know where mine lives, he’s shown me pictures of his house and garden too. My therapist isn’t afraid of people knowing things about him (I’ve asked him before) and I would never hurt him, but if I turned up at his house I don’t think he would want to see me ever again.

Also I have seen some therapists for sessions in the house they live in...with their wives and family in the building. I do not recommend this as it sucks but knowing where they live must not matter to them.

[Omers]

T’s wife and my mother’s family share a very similar last name (pronounced the same but spelled differently). When I talked about my maternal great grandmother he said that was the same as his wife’s last name and, without thinking, I said yes, but they spell it differently. Oh the look of panic (T did not know me well yet). T’s wife’s full name is on his professional web page. It isn’t obvious but it is there, in red print no less. I explained this which I am sure he checked after session... I too am an information gatherer. Sometimes intentional sometimes not.
Down the road, once T knew me, I brought this back up. I was shocked to discover not all clients are information gatherers! He said, truthfully, most of his clients don’t give him a second thought between sessions! Having now encountered some of his other clients I totally believe this! But... he has since opened up access to a world of information to me (OK, I had already found it but never discussed it... but then he told me where it was so...).
Long story short, good T’s don’t stress more than necessary about such things, not all clients care, and most T’s have ways to deal with it if someone uses the information inappropriately.
If you HAVE to bring it up I would do it “backwards”... something like OMG, one of my co workers just showed me this thing on the internet... and see how T responds.

[stopdog]

I wouldn't bring it up at all. Therapists are adults and can take care of themselves and if they can't - it is not my problem. But if you have some need to take care of an adult you are paying, then why not just say that people can look up license plate numbers and get information and then go on with whatever you pay them to do.

[Salmon77]

I wouldn't be all that concerned about it in a practical sense—it might not even be his car, after all. And it's not your job to protect his personal info.

On the other hand, if it's on your mind it's worth bringing up. Could lead to a good discussion. I'd lay it out just like you did here.

[Rive.]

I would tell him straight up, specifying that you don't know if that is his car but if it were then people might get access to his personal info.

If you tell him you didn't check out the website, I see no reason for him to disbelieve you and/or be angry. Not being tech savvy, he may, instead, be grateful to learn how easily his personal info might be accessed.

Not your job.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I wouldn't bring it up at all. Therapists are adults and can take care of themselves and if they can't - it is not my problem. But if you have some need to take care of an adult you are paying, then why not just say that people can look up license plate numbers and get information and then go on with whatever you pay them to do.

I agree.

That you feel like you need to bring it up...is it possible you are trying to feel closer to your therapist and, by letting him know that you know personal info about him, you'll feel more intimate?

Another thought...is it possible you would do well to see your therapist more often?

[Amyjay]

I don't think its anything you need to be concerned about. Therapists everywhere expose their license plates to the world.
I think if you brought this up to T the thing he would mostly think about would be how deeply you have thought this through. And I think he would wonder why.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

Thanks for all your replies!

I will probably tell him similar to the way I explained it here.

Originally Posted by BethRags

I agree.

That you feel like you need to bring it up...is it possible you are trying to feel closer to your therapist and, by letting him know that you know personal info about him, you'll feel more intimate?

Another thought...is it possible you would do well to see your therapist more often?

Since I don't even know the information, I don't think I'm trying to be closer to him. I am somebody who is always very aware of how much personal information I share with people and where. Therefore, I also think a lot about what other people do and am often surprised about how little thought they pay to these things. While I agree it's not my job to tell him and I have the choice to just ignore it, I also think it's polite to inform people about things they can easily change and in that way protect themselves a tiny bit.

And thanks for the suggestion of going more often. I have done so in the past, but currently, I'm doing rather well and don't feel there's any need for me to go more than once a week. It might seem like I'm giving a lot of thought to things and think about something like his car a lot, but I am not ruminating at all about it, it was just a realization I had while thinking about my past and connecting it to more present things.

[Travelinglady]

I did tell own of my T's that all of every T's personal info who worked in that practice including home addresses was posted on a wall in the receptionist area--and it could be easily seen by clients. She was not happy about that!

[nottrustin]

If that information is so easily available to people by just typing in a persons license plate. The very nature of driving s car is putting person at risk of having their personal information available to whoever wants it. Realistically nobody is completely safe. Therefore, I wouldnt say anything.

I was able to figure out which car T drives. One day we discussed the kind of cars we drive (we both drive very common cars in our area. One day when we were out walking during a session. we discussed the difficulty in finding parking in the city she works in and She pointed out the one area where a person can get free all day parking. One day I arrived to my appointment early so I went for a walk, it was very easy to pick out her car because it also had a parking pass for the town she lives in.

[wing]

I consider my relationship with my therapist personal, but she hasn’t shared details of her life with me and though I’m curious, I have never asked. Every client-therapist relationship is unique and I think you can trust your judgement re: bringing it up.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by ChickenNoodleSoup

Thanks for all your replies!

I will probably tell him similar to the way I explained it here.

Since I don't even know the information, I don't think I'm trying to be closer to him. I am somebody who is always very aware of how much personal information I share with people and where. Therefore, I also think a lot about what other people do and am often surprised about how little thought they pay to these things. While I agree it's not my job to tell him and I have the choice to just ignore it, I also think it's polite to inform people about things they can easily change and in that way protect themselves a tiny bit.

And thanks for the suggestion of going more often. I have done so in the past, but currently, I'm doing rather well and don't feel there's any need for me to go more than once a week. It might seem like I'm giving a lot of thought to things and think about something like his car a lot, but I am not ruminating at all about it, it was just a realization I had while thinking about my past and connecting it to more present things.

I'm sorry; I thought you had mentioned that you were seeing him every 4 months.

You sound offended by my post. I didn't intend to be offensive. All I can do is come from my own experience. I looked up my therapist's address because knowing where she lives makes me feel closer to her. Sounds illogical, but people have needs that are often not logical on the surface, but make sense when examined.