Couch 218: Northern Minnesota 2050

My current class uses google meet, very zoom-like to me anyway. we'll see if it has any issues today here in about an hour....

well at least the rest of this work week will be easy, i have upskill training for the next 3 days, that i pretty much don't really need anymore (would have liked it 2 weeks ago, but.... we all know how that goes) then it will be the weekend again. Yay. I have enough PTO saved up that I may seriously put in for one day off per week for the rest of the year and give myself all 3 day weekends. It's not like I can use it for anything else this year...

See Artie spamming the couch.

Hugs, Artie. There's nothing wrong with going on meds. Nothing more than, say, taking insulin for diabetes or an antibiotic for an infection.

Thanks LT. I know that, I do. Just that anxious part of my brain keeps trying to tell me otherwise.

The hospital ruled out a stroke in husband and sent him home. They have no idea what is wrong with him but since they did both a CT scan and an MRI along with blood work I can feel pretty confident that it's nothing serious.

i'm glad they were able to rule out a stroke. hope you find out what's going on.

welp time to go get my little study area organized then log onto class for the evening....

Class just finished. And oh goodie we have a little miss know it all in there. Our prof gives us "lab time" to write a discussion post and then respond to someone else's during our class time. This one gal responded to mine basically pointing out that I had made an error (I misunderstood a question and just gave the 3 bullet points but did not describe them. Oops.) So I asked when we regrouped at the end if I could go in and flesh mine out a little before the deadline tonight "because it was pointed out to me" that I had misunderstood one of the questions we had to address. She said yes, go ahead as long as it's before the deadline. So I guess I'm glad the gal pointed out my error with time enough left for me to fix it, but still.... she's not the teacher dammit!

So, it's been two weeks since my therapist told me he's closing his practice, essentially, what feels like to me at least, abandoning me. It doesn't feel any better yet. He's tried, bless him, but it still feels like abandonment. I think I just have too much history to get past this the way he wants me to before he's gone for good. We were working on it, but my gears were seriously rusted shut and I needed more time to un-rust them enough to be a fully functional human being. I so much wanted to continue to work with him on the un-rusting process. This isn't fair.

I feel like i should be over my exT already its been 16 months. At least i have stopped checking my phone and emails to see if he has contacted me.

My mum relayed a message through my partner...

Bad mistake to reach out in an online support group. A fellow Asian totally made a blanket statement "your mother does love you."

That's progress for sure.

Betrayal is not something that is processed in months, BCM. You deserve support, even if you don't feel you 'need' it.

I just applied to win a street library from my local council then i realised i dont really want to win it as i dont want people near my house, but i do want a street library inmy street. Oh so conflicted

Someone near my street has made a small library themselves by taking a small box (with a pull down hinge to protect the books ) and putting it on their wall, but I wouldn't want people outside my home either.

You could join Manchester's central Library online if you go for the web account despite not even living in Manchester or the UK. You just need an email address and have to renew after 2 months.

All the books you could want minus the travel, fees or people. I currently have borrowed Dawn of the planet of the Apes!

Libraries | Manchester City Council

I don't think there is a should be point. You need as much time as you need. You have made progress.

It will take time.

Has he given you a time frame for when the inpatient program would start?

Artie bean one thing I would say is just take it one thing at a time. You don't need to have everything lined up now. Stick with what you enjoy.

If you did apply for a master's program I'm sure you would be able to deal with it when the time came. Some courses even let you spread it out over two years. It doesn't matter when you do something as long as you do it.

R also did one of his other degrees at a night university which I didn't even know was a thing but classes were held from 6-9pm. There's a lot of options just don't give up if it's something you really want to do. I told you about the student at my first school who was in his 70s ! You're never too old to stop learning.

You're doing your best and that's all that matters. You can't do more then where you are right now. He needs to check his own reaction.

Break time. Glad to be getting this training for the rest of my week, I already feel like I've learned a lot and its only been 2 hours. I will be much better equipped to work with these accounts now than I have been for the past couple weeks or however long I've been working with them.

I'm glad to be working a long day today because at least I'm getting paid for a long day. But I'm also bored and it's only a little past 9. Not good. I'm worried about my sis and bro-in-law. They need to find a house to live in because the one they have been renting for years the owner is going to put on the market but they haven't been able to find anything they can afford. My Dad is thinking of buying them a house and putting the down payment down for them and having them make the payments (because it would be cheaper than renting) but he is a bit conflicted because it's a big investment for one, and two, my parents are nothing if not fair so if they essentially gift my sister $125K for the down payment they feel like they are short changing me. I don't really care because I stay with my parents anyway. I just don't want my sis and family to be homeless come December. But I did have to side with my Dad against my Mom because my Mom doesn't really want to help them out this way (but hasn't come up with another plan of how to help them out) so then my Mom got pretty mad with me. Ugh. Family dynamics. Oh well. Today I'm at work and I can just pretend all is well in the world.

I have an intake appointment with a psych NP (no relation) today and I'm really nervous. P had a chat with her yesterday and said he likes her approach. I'm afraid I'm going to trigger myself by talking to her. It's a long appointment too, 90 minutes.

HUGS @NP_Complete

Ugh. I'm taking my boards on Friday (which is a $3,000, 10-hour experience) and I have to give a lecture (which I haven't finished prepping for) and do my ACLS recertification on Thursday. T's irritated with me and I'm furious with him. I've still only heard back from half of the fellowship programs I applied to (though it's been less than a week so I probably shouldn't panic yet). My stomach has been hurting for weeks, ever since I restarted my MAOI. I don't know what to do about J. The secretary for the doctors at my hospital is a complete moron and keeps messing up my schedule so I am not starting regularly scheduled non-backup work until mid-September. I feel like I'm wasting this time off by being lazy and depressed instead of working out and enjoying it.

I'm overwhelmed and anxious and mad and I just hate everything.