Couch 218: Northern Minnesota 2050

Sorry to hear, Kit. Were you able to work on amending your crisis plan?

HUGS

Is this the first time she's seemed checked out?

my team at work feels like high school sometimes too. we used to be a real 'Team' but we're not anymore. an interim director came in and changed up too many things and brought in new people to our team who cause nothing but division and angst. the new director has changed back a couple of things but not nearly enough. There's one gal in particular that is like a "Mean Girl" from the movie she's just horrid.

Hugs to all who want!

Thanks Lemon.

Best of luck with your new semester!

Unfortunately no. But that's okay. I wasn't in crisis. It just wasn't as productive of a session as it could have been I suppose. Kind of a let down.

I got pulled from my normal job and am being forced to take calls today. I hate taking calls. My shoulders are up around my ears already and it's only been 3 hours. I went to lunch earlier than i usually do just to get off the stupid phones for a bit. I hope we don't have to stay on them all day! I sure miss our old manager who was able to keep us off the phones. The really dumb thing is we're having to do overtime to stay in compliance with our own jobs, because of being pulled for the phones. I don't want OT right now, this new class is a lot of writing. i like writing, don't get me wrong, but it's jsut a lot of it and I don't want to get behind. I know tonight is only the 2nd class but we have a discussion post we have to do during class that closes when class ends, then another discussion due Wednesday and a paper and a research article both will be due Sunday. i don't have no stinkin' time to do OT! Gripe over.

At least i'm not aggravated with h anymore.

Session felt really awful. It felt like T was telling me I just wasn't trying hard enough to reflect on why I'm feeling so badly. But when I feel this badly, reflection feels impossible.

He seemed annoyed with me. I told him that and he said maybe 10-15% of his experience was irritation and the rest is concern for me and that I should try to focus on the concern.

I'm going back to bed.

Husband is in the ER - they are ruling out a stroke. I feel bad because I was angry he demanded that I leave work early and take him to the hospital (and refused to call an ambulance), then, on the way to the hospital, he insisted on stopping for a slice of pizza. Obviously, I didn't think it was serious since he was acting like this. Hopefully it's not serious.

Yeah, I'd have been angry too. Especially the stopping-for-pizza bit.

Hugs...if he opted to stop for a piece of pizza, I seriously doubt it was a stroke. I hope he's OK, of course, but that sounds really frustrating.

Hugs...And wow, this sounds *so* much like Dr. T with the 10-15% of what he's feeling (10% creepy with the stone). I imagine you're like me, where you focus on the negative 10-15% feeling rather than the other part.

Yeah, it reminded me of that incident.

I was quiet for a long time and T was like, "what are you thinking?" And I wasn't gonna say, "you reminded me of when LT's T was being a jerk" so I didn't answer.

(I hope you're not offended by me saying your T was being a jerk by saying that. It just seems like kind of an awful thing for him to say? Like, how is that therapeutic?)

Hugs Polibeth. I hope he's okay and that it's not serious.

hugs, chihiro. i'm sorry he seemed annoyed with you. i don't care how annoyed they get i think these t's need to learn how to not let us see it. y'know?


L gets annoyed with me sometimes, i sense it, i know it, but she always says she wasn't when i call her on it. yeah, right you weren't you can't pull the wool over my eyes i want to say to her. Kudos to him though for admitting it. eta i say that because to me anyway, it just pisses me off even more than her getting annoyed, that she denies it.

I'm having my usual beginning-of-the-semester doubts. Thinking why am I even doing this, I'm never going to apply for grad school anyway it costs too much. I've been deluded or something. Besides I'd be pushing 70 before I could even finish having to work full time and do one class at a time if I even did and somehow managed to get in. i mentioned this to h and he was like, do whatever you want to do. If you want to just scrap it, scrap it. But you have to make the decision.i guess this is all part of the growing up i'm trying to do. just decide what i ****ing want, go for it no matter what, and damn the consequences. i don't know. don't mind me.

Oh, not offended at all, though thanks for checking. I agree that my T was being a jerk. And the worst part was that he didn't seem to understand why I was upset about it. And said (after getting consultation about it) that he shouldn't have to explain his reaction to me.

He seems like a completely different T now. Maybe I've had a good influence on him Even from a year ago, because our big rupture that got me to leave for a few weeks was right around this time last year. I would say it's the effect of the pandemic, but the shift really seemed to start when I came back after terminating.

Anyway, sounds like your T also doesn't understand why saying something like that, even if it's honest, wouldn't have a good effect on a client. How is it therapeutic of him to say he's a bit irritated with you? My T would say that he wants me to understand how other people might react to me, but then he's also admitted he (obviously) doesn't know what everyone else is feeling. And he was really wrong about something with my H once.

I'd try talking to him about it, but not sure if he'll get it...

They are paid to sit there. They can be annoyed or irritated on their own time.

Exactly. I don't get to be irritated with my patients when they're acting like idiots. Why the hell is therapy any different?

*Staggers in and collapses on couch*

Today was Technical Issues Day in the Zoomiverse.

And I still don’t have captions.

That's a very good point.

I was really glad I teach on T/Th when I got the email about zoom

Confession time: I am considering making an appointment with pdoc again (haven't seen him in like 8 years) to discuss going back on meds. maybe something different from what i was on 8+ years ago. i don't want my feelings to be gone completely. i just don't want to feel so damn MUCH. sometimes i think i'm losing it again since the stupid pandemic started. this anxiety, it's not good, h wants me back on meds, my mother says i should go back on meds, and THOSE 2 never agree on ANYTHING. Therapy doesn't feel like it's helping at all because we're working with some hard stuff that I had never really connected before between the present and a particular part of my past, like it's something i thought was done and put away but when I made the connection, it's like, I dug it back up and ripped that healed-over wound wide ****ing open again. And I can't even blame L for bringing it up - it was all me - I was all innocently just doing some journaling and it just came out. I guess after going through that first breakdown in 2008 or whenever it was I recognize the map or something and I am a little afraid that I'm heading back into that territory if I don't do something about it now. This is hard to admit. Honestly I think that what would best serve me right now is to put therapy on the back burner for awhile, go back to pdoc and get on meds again and get this anxiety under control, and then go back to therapy with a new t. That's what I think I need. But do I have the guts to call it a plan and go through with it????

what i do NOT need to do is run away from school. that is a positive thing and I enjoy learning, I enjoy the writing.