He used the L word.

the thing which is odd to me is that nothing in Pink's post was sexualized... so why sexualize it for her? It would make me pretty mad... i'd feel personally like it was insulting to my own abilities to percieve and an insult to my T's integrity. The relationship is pretty intimate regardless, and such a sexualization would be more likely to cause a person to defend themselves and their T rather than see it as any sort of warning.

perhaps if a well-intended warning was what was meant, then it was poorly chosen wording and tone. Maybe posing the question as to whether pink felt her T was trustworthy and she was secure in feeling safe... posing a question is often more effective than assumption or advice.

i'm sorry anyone has been abused in anyway by a T, that is a horrid experience. But a deep sincere relationship is very healing too.

Okay people, if you know someone got it wrong, why beat them over the head? I know about the L word and I know about sex with a therapist; trust me, they're not that far removed! If someone has a bad experience or no experience, feel badly for them but don't get "angry" at them? It's just their point of view. Read it, learn something from it if you can or will, "shrug" if you can't or don't want to. If they obviously don't know you or your situation, don't take it personally! They don't know you!

Your mother wears combat boots!

well they kind of do... because very similar replies have been posted before.

projecting your own fears in a histrionic way onto someone else and trying to call it support .. ? it sure isn't

i'm very very sorry if someone's had a traumatic experience but to overlay that onto someone else's separate expereince isn't now and hasn't previously been appreciated.

I adore these very open, selfless and thought-provoking posts by Pinksoil and it would be such a loss if she was to become discouraged from posting them because of wild, alarmist, from out in left field types of replies that are about the experiences of the person replying, not about the experiences of Pinksoil.

I don't think it's necessarily fair to drummergirl to treat her like she was trying to attack pink or her T. I think she was only trying to point out that she saw what in her mind might be warning signs. Maybe she's totally wrong about that T, but she didn't say what she said with malicious intent.

At the same time, I think that pink's T made it clear that he would not cross her boundaries when he said "nothing you don't want- or do want - is going to happen." Honestly, when I read the first part of that sentence, and knowing he had said the "L word" and has made some other contacts that are less than routine (ae: randomly calling to check on her), I was a little concerned that maybe he would put the moves on pink, too. But when I read the "nothing you DO want" part, I was reassured.

Basically, all I'm saying is that I think pink is safe with her T and that her reaction to wanting to protect and defend this person who has loved and cared for her so well, is very natural. So was drummergirl's well-meaning observation/warning.

We are all at different levels in our vigilance/hypervigilance, and we are all here to care for and support one another. It's basically impossible to view ANY situation without the lens of your own emotions and experiences, although we certainly do our best. No harm was meant, and I don't think all the arguing about it is really necessary.

Both pink and drummergirl (and pink's kind wonderful T) are doing the best they can, and they all seem to be fine ppl to me.

Just my two cents.

Sweet/Angela

To ECHOES POST
I think we are lucky to have somebody like pinksoil who is willing and open enough to share her sessions and feelings with us. I can honestly say that it has helped me several times. I would hate to see her feel uncomfortable or start feeling as though she has to monitor each thing she says due to the possibility that somebody may interpret something incorrectly.

One of the most beautiful things about pinksoil's posts are that she has the ability to describe things in ways that are colorful and evoke empathy. I always feel I am "with "her when reading about her life and I appreciate that.

tulips

I agree Sweet!

Your post was perfect. At this point I think we should all move on........ for everybody's sake.

Take care everyone!