I am going to try to recount this to the best of my ability. It was a highly emotional session and I am having a lot of trouble remembering exact things that were said. I hate when that happens. He said that we will have a 30 minute 'recall' phone session this week to process the session further.

We were talking about how the little girl was so mad last week when she couldn't see him twice. He wanted to know how the little girl could feel safe with him and fit in with the "others." I said the little girl is the least like the other compartments of my personality.

He said, "The little girl is loved in here." I said, "Um, loved by who? Who loves her?" And he said, "Well, who's in this room?"

Whoa.

He continued on to tell me that he values, understands, respects, and cares for the little girl and the best way to express that is by love.

I asked him why he used the word 'love.' I had brought along some pictures of myself when I was a little girl. He held up one of the pictures and said, "This is the little girl that is part of you. She is in here now with me and she is valued and lovable."

He said, "I remember many months ago when you told me that something goes horribly wrong every time you get attached." I said, "Well, I am attached to you."

T replied, "This attachment is mutual."



I told him I was confused. That I was scared that I was misinterpreting the entire thing. That the adult parts of me wanted be loved my him, too, but maybe they couldn't be. He said, "Why not? Maybe they just aren't ready to accept it right now. But right now I want the little girl to feel safe in here and able to come back and be a part of the rest of you."

We talked about how we will define love in the next session. He said that right now to feel love as the little girl is really important because there is no eroticsm to it-- it's much easier than feeling love for the adult part-- but not to worry because even with love for the adult part, safe boundaries will remain. He goes, "Nothing that you don't want-- or do want-- to happen, would happen." lol

Earlier in the session I had made one of those, "I hate you, I love you" statements in passing, talking about devalue/idealize. I told him, "I can't believe you used the L word." He said, "You said love today, too." I asked him, "You mean earlier when I said I loved you? Well, I was just being sarcastic." He shook his head no and said, "I think it meant more than that." Of course he was right.

I am overwhelmed. Still confused. Very confused. Doubtful still. In disbelief. I get scared when things like this happen. That's the adult. The little girl-- she might be starting to feel safe and ready to come out more as far as telling her needs. T said that she needs to have a voice.

[(JD)]

((((Pink)))) Love and hate are not opposites, they are on the same side, as you cannot hate something you don't care about. Apathy is the opposite of both. I trust this will be a safe relationship for all of you.

[ECHOES]

What a great session. It must have been so hard to end it. I would have wanted him to keep repeating... god, if we could TiVo some of our sessions!!.

[Perna]

LOL, Echoes, TiVoing sessions.

[LittleMouse]

Pink I am so happy for you! What a wonderful session you had today and to have him say the words "I love you" to the little girl in you must have been a jaw dropper. I remember the first time my T told my "I love you" that moment sticks in my mind like it was yesterday. It was at the end of a session and in a spontaneous moment as I was leaving I turned to him and said "I love you" and he looked me in the eyes and said "I love you too!" If I live to be 200 years old I will never forget that moment. I hope you will be able to accept this statement from him and charish it for many years to come. I hope you learn to love him back in the most pure sense of the word. Love is such a wonderful healing thing but I sure it can be confusing too. I was a little confused at first but I came to know my T love as the love I had always wanted from someone. The kind of love that accepted me as I was, the kind of love that would not intentionally hurt, the kind of love that makes you feel so warm and accepted inside. It is a wonderful thing and I am so happy for you. My therapist once told me therapy was all about two people loving each other. Love was the power that heals.

[mel4]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
He goes, "Nothing that you don't want-- or do want-- to happen, would happen." lol

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Love it, lol

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
T replied, "This attachment is mutual."

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

OMG, Pink. Not only does this guy know how to talk to your intellectual side, he also knows how to get through to you emotionally! WHAT A POWERFUL STATEMENT!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
"Nothing that you don't want-- or do want-- to happen, would happen."

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I love this quote! ROFLMAO

I hope you are basking in the glow of this awesome session.
Can I start seeing your T?

[MissCharlotte]

He loves you because YOU are loveable!!!

so nice and validating.

cooooooool

I really don't understand anything that went on yesterday.

I feel like he conducted the therapy session in some foreign language that I don't know (oh wait, I don't know any foreign languages).

I feel like someone went to therapy in place of me and she was supposed to report back on everything that happened, but she either didn't, or she mixed everything up.

I am so confused.

[drummergrl]

Okay, pinksoil:
I hate to be the " doubting" thomas here, but I'd be careful if I were you. There are too many unscrupulous guys around in this field that might take advantage of the situation. You sound like you're in a real vulnerable state, and I'd hate to see you hurt by one of his big ideas!! Yes, he claims nothing will happen in here that YOU don't want to happen???? That sent the warning lights off in my head.
You be careful what you tell him pinksoil, tread lightly on uncharted waters..........you could get in way over your head.
Just trying to caution you here. You are putting way too much emphasis on the relationship, and you aren't thinking
of the consequences of " your" actions. He sure knows better than that. That's why I choose WOMEN for T's. They
don't get hot and bothered by inferences in the working relationships. That's all you have, I might say. Don't confuse it with something deeper than it is. I promise you,
it's NOT!!!!
If I have offended you, I apologize but I'd hate to see him take advantage of the situation. That's all.

Take care.
Again, be CAREFUL.
P.S. If he ever asks if the "little" girl would like to SIT on his LAP????...........get the hell out of there!!! I knew a friend from long ago that it happened to, and she didn't realize what he was after..................he just told her he needed to check the nerves in her legs. Oh, paleeeeeeeeez!!!!!

[MissCharlotte]

Drummergirl,

Have you ever heard of lesbians?

Choosing a female T does not cure the issue you speak of.

Pink's T is doing exactly the right thing by loving her inner child.

Peace

[Fuzzybear]

[ECHOES]

drummergirl, you seem to have a really huge fear of this happening in spite of the reality of what has been posted. It seems as if you're projecting your fears here about something that's about you, not about the poster.

I hope you are okay.

I think drummergirl was trying to be supportive, in her way. Her history include something that makes her worried about Pink.

For Pink, I think it's hard to hear negative reactions to her T because she cares so deeply for him. I totally have been there and understand.

We are all wierd in our own way!

Hugs,

Campy

[Rapunzel]

Thanks Campy. I also believe that drummergirl was expressing well-meant genuine concern, and also that Pink has her own feelings and experience that may make it hard for her to receive that warning. Trusting therapists is hard, but essential to healing for a lot of us. It's hard to balance that with the possibility of unethical therapists. Pinksoil has not apparently had cause to suspect her T of being unethical, and from what I have read I don't have any reason to think that she is missing anything here either.

Love is powerful, and can be scary. It can be awkward at times. Some of my developmentally delayed clients keep asking me if I love them, and they seem to need me to. I don't know how to respond to them without hurting them or setting them up for one or another kind of hurt later on either when I leave, or they trust someone too much. The more I think about it, the more I think that the only interest that would be served by denying a client love would be my own interest in not appearing suspicious to anyone. There are appropriate kinds of love for any relationship. It's just important to make sure that the kind of love offered is the appropriate kind. I know that I want desperately to believe that my T loves me too.

[Perna]

Wow, Pink. I had that experience reading She Who Runs With the Wolves. It was like someone deep down had a clue and was supposed to be taking notes for a later, life and death test and I was there hoping to Goodness that they understood and knew what they were doing!

[MissCharlotte]

We find rest in those we love, and we provide a resting place
in ourselves for those who love us.
~ Saint Bernard of Clairvaux

Oh I think it is beautiful and sorry Pink's post was removed. sigh.

Peace

we can't go through life terrified of those who offer us love just because some of those hurt us.. i thot that was part of what therapy was about... to learn how to trust and love.

[ECHOES]

[drummergrl]

Oh I stand corrected sister!!! I was only trying to give her the benefit of "wisdom" here. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS???? I wasn't trying to scare her, only warning her about what she's perceiving as "love". It sounded to me like she's fallen for him on a more personal level than she is able to deal with...........I don't have any misconceptions except when they seem not so appropriate for the situation.
Yes! I know what lesbians are............what the blazes does that have to do with the price of tea in China?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
It sounded to me like she's fallen for him on a more personal level than she is able to deal with

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

This is called transference. It is a part of the process of psychotherapy. She's not the only one going through it, in fact, I think most of us are.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Yes! I know what lesbians are............what the blazes does that have to do with the price of tea in China?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Erotic Transference can occur with female T's and female clients even when the clients are not lesbians.

Pink's T hasn't crossed any boundaries. I'm sorry that you are seeing her situation in this way.

[MissCharlotte]

Well I'll tell you what the blazes it has to do with it::

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
That's why I choose WOMEN for T's. They
don't get hot and bothered by inferences in the working relationships.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Women T's can have erotic countertransference and transference with both men and women clients. It doesn't matter what combination of genders you have. It does matter what you are comfortable with, and you should stick with that, of course.

I just think that what's right for you is not necessarily right for everyone and Pink's T seems to be perfectly ethical and upright. Pink has not expressed doubt about this relationship so I don't think it's fair for any of us to tell her that it is wrong. Nothing untoward has occurred and no boundaries have been crossed. Expressions of love feel beautiful and healing to me. An acknowledgement of erotic transference allows the working through of this issue. (See my post today in Mandyfins' thread.)

You know, it seems a bit over the line and intrusive to try and warn someone about something that is perfectly logical, natural and beautiful.

Peace

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
drummergrl said:
I wasn't trying to scare her, only warning her about what she's perceiving as "love".

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Actually what I "perceive" as love is what my T explained to me about love. If you read the post carefully you would see it is not about me falling for him, it is about him expressing love for me as a client and me reciprocating the same.

My good judgement does not need to be in question here.

The relationship is as genuine as any could be.

This will probably get removed too, but...

I find it curious that my post got removed last night, but one that directly undermines my judgement, as well as portrays my T in a bad light, can stay. Oh well.