[ECHOES]

So many feel disconnected now or that things are just "different" or that T is relating in a different way.

Did they all go to some T convention over the holidays and decide to change directions, move boundaries, step back? Mass hypnosis? LSD experimentation?

Or, for both T's and ourselves, is it something to do with the stress of the holiday season itself or reconnecting with traditions, family, ourselves as we welcomed in a new year?

It's interesting how therapy or T seems to have 'changed' during the break.

What do you think?

[sunrise]

ECHOES, that's a very thought provoking question! I've been noticing too how so many of us are having disconnected sessions.

My T, as he told me, rarely takes long vacation. He took 2 weeks straight at holiday time this year, so there were 3 weeks between my sessions. He says he can't remember the last time he did this. I felt him kind of distant in my first session back and a couple of times when I shyly/awkwardly ventured to connect, I felt pushed away or held at arm's length. I wonder if it is hard for him to start back to being a full time therapist after 2 straight weeks off? He has had a lot of time for himself, relaxed, spent time with friends and family, did projects of his choosing, etc. He's just been Joe Blow, human being, not Joe Blow, the therapist, having to be supportive, empathetic, caring, and nice for 10 clients a day. I think it would be hard to go back to that if I were a T. So I am hoping that as my T gets used to being back from his vacation, he will build up his stamina and be fully in T mode again.

I keep a detailed journal and I did go back to it for last year's break and look at what I wrote for my before and after break sessions. Last year he only took 1 week off, so we had two weeks between our sessions. Both my before and after break sessions were fantastic sessions. It actually made me cry to read them, because they were so much better than my sessions have been in the last couple of months. It made me really miss that kind of therapy. The sessions were so rich! We covered so much ground. There was so much connectedness. Reading these sessions from a year ago makes me realize what a different place T and I are in today. Makes me sad that things seem to have changed between us.

With that past context in mind, I think maybe that in our first session back last week, I may have been pushing a little too hard to be connected and draw us closer. Maybe I was slightly desperate -- ("I want to be connected and close like we have been in the past. Gimme. Gimme.") And T reacted to that by drawing back. I think I need to chill more. Maybe I am chasing him away.

[ECHOES]

((( sunny ))) aww, i doubt you are pushing him away. I think it's just like you said, he's gettng his groove back, so to speak.

I hope you have a really great and conncecting session next time you meet.

[confused4ever]

I was thinking mass hypnosis or something myself. My T was distant, very. Seems everyones or just about everyone's was. He called me yesterday to check in, and we talked about the last session, he said he cannot help me if I hurt myself, and that he is not abandoning me, but he feels that when I slip into the abandonment issues that is when I hurt myself and instead of taking it out on the person that is hurting you, you abuse yourself. If I overdose, he cannot help me anymore, he wants me to get better and believes 100% that I can, he asked me to please talk to him next time, the rejection issue's and abandonment are out full force, and not to push it onto him, it is not true he cares and believes in me and isn't going anywhere. So I tried to think what was said in our last session that made me feel this way, other then his disconnection towards me, so I came up with that has to be it, he triggered my reaction with abandonment because I felt so disconnected from him, he agreed that could of been it, but it isn't the case.

I still think they all went on some joint adventure somewhere, mine went skiing, but not so sure now.....ha.....

[Mouse_]

MY T takes every sch holiday off, so its not just about the xmas or NY break. I told her once when it was one of our 1 week breaks that that was almost worse and couldnt understand why. T said because you don't get time to grief with just a week an stay "connected" to the process still and are caught in a kinda of limbo. yes each time I return to T after any break I feel T is not there the same way, that her caring has lessoned, but maybe its just these were the feelings I had split of during the actual abstence and can only allow myself to experience on a kinda of delayed reaction on the return of T, so its like the disconnection is catching up with me during the first couple of sessions back?

[chaotic13]

Maybe its just the longer the break is the more stuff builds, the longing to release it increases, and we start to idealize our sessions and create unrealistic expectations for that first session back.

Kind of like the old saying distance makes the heart grow fonder. The memories seem rosier than the actual experience. Then when you get together again reality hits and its a let down.

I agree, McKell. My second session after break, I told my T that I was hurt that he didn't read the email that I had spent so long in writing, and he said, "Okay. Whatever." Later he said, "I'm sorry that I took 3 days off from reading my emails!"

I was so angry with him. I wanted to say, "I'm sorry that I spent so much time telling you exactly how I felt. I'm sorry that you didn't give a sh#$ enough to just read mine before our session. There were a lot of things in there that I wanted to talk about this session and now I can't." How about, "I'm sorry but I can't pay you this week for this %#@&#! session." How about, "I'm sorry but after the break you forgot your skills. I'm sorry but you need to take a refresher course on empathy."
"I'm sorry that you don't find me important enough, that you think I'm nothing." He is an @#$@#%^##$%#$ #$%#$%#$%#$%#$%#$!

He should apologize for being that.

[chaotic13]

Soliaree,
I'm going with the "LSD experimentation" theory regarding your experience with the "WHATEVER" comment. I can see why you are very angry with that. No matter what voice inflection I gave this comment, I could not make it sound like a professional, caring response to someone who is expressing pain and hurt.

I can appreciate that your T may have been a bit behind on reading his emails. I can even accept the argument that maybe expecting our Ts to analyze/respond to our emails is too much to ask of them. My T sees many patients per day and is likely experiencing a rapidly increasing number of out of session communications. In order to keep her sanity and maintain a quality personal life, I imagine that she has to draw the line somewhere.

Telling a patient "whatever" about anything is not professional (in my opinion).

I'm an educator who has gotten a billion student emails over the past few weeks between sessions. I've only replied to a few that were critical issues that needed to be address ASAP. Basically students need to understand that I'm on vacation and not being paid to tell them individually what their grade was..how I calculated it,...bah..bah ..bah. It sounds like I'm being a b*&^% but you have to draw the line somewhere otherwise you're on duty 24/7. I'm sure our Ts are faced with this as well.

However, having drawn this comparison I must also say that --When a student reports to my office and complains about me not returning an e-mail. I would NEVER say.. "whatever!"

I also understand that education and mental health are two totally different fields.

Sol.. I hope you are able to express at least some of what you posted directly to him. He deserves the criticism and should apologize.