Couch 222: Create, Cooperate, Harmonize

Welcome to the couch, old and new! A place to hang out - sometimes you get immediate feedback, sometimes you don't.

Shouting, "Cool Whip" tends to bring others out from between the cushions if you're feeling lonely.

This is a chatty thread. All are welcome. We're kind of psychologically oriented, sometimes. We try to be supportive. At times we discuss what that means.

It’s a place to plop down on the couch when you come home from work or wherever, or wake up in the middle of the night, or check in at lunch, rant a bit or not, and be among friends.

We advise you not to drink or drug and text your therapist ("T") - we speak from experience.

Sometimes the thread moves fast and you might get overlooked; sometimes it moves slowly and all you hear are crickets. Sometimes you get hugged or thanked pages later. So if it's a bigger question, you might want to start a new thread.

Grab a cushion, a spot on the floor, or an armchair in the corner and make yourselves comfy.

222 - an angel sign!

Una thanks for the new couch!

Rant. It's too cold here tonight for the window air conditioning, and I rely on it heavily for white noise. I woke up at 1:45 am and I can hear everything. The insulation is abysmal and apparently soundproofing was not a thing when this house was built.

Hope you're all tucked up snug! Have a good night.

I saw a product for children which produced white noise to help them sleep.Maybe something like that could help you too.

It was this:

Sweet Dreamers, Ewan the Dream Sheep, Grey - Baby White/Pink Noise Machine and Sleep Aid with Night Light: Amazon.co.uk: Baby

Artie I would book a solo trip to Hawaii when everything is safe again. He has no right to behave like that especially in front of people.

Are these the British equivalent to FunYuns?

We also have onion rings here too. But the monster much was puffier.Not had any for ages.

SM - I use a white sound noise machine to sleep. We also used to have a windowed ac, but now we have central ac. I can't sleep without some sort of white noise.

Amazon.com

Aaaahhhh tomorrow is fellowship match day, the day I find out where I’m going to do pall care fellowship next year. The results come out at noon, and my local BFF is coming over that morning to help me pass the time and to celebrate with/console me depending on the results. I am really rooting for my first choice, which would keep me on this coast, by would also be thrilled with my second (though that’d mean I’d have to move across the country next July, which would make dating a real bust). The rest of the choices are also good, just less thrilling.

I use this sound machine for sleeping.

I hope you get your first choice, Chihiro!

YES!!!!! I love this idea.

"After that thing h said that i told you about last week, well he said something yesterday that made me feel the same way all over again and worse and I'm never eating again. He made me feel fat, and ugly, and undeserving."

I hope you really do go artie bean. You've been working so hard. In the wise words of SD "Women are allowed to take up space". You don't have to measure yourself to someone else's idea of what your body should look like or how much you should weigh. You do deserve to eat. You are not ugly or undeserving either.

You're allowed to enjoy yourself regardless of your size.

ToddlerManatee has the same one, although hers is white. (White wasn't that so much more expensive than black when we got it or else she'd have the black one!) I like our old Marpac one a little better because it didn't sound as artificial. We just use a box fan in our room, though.

Artie, my jaw dropped when I read what your husband said. Truly shocking and not okay. Also, I'm pretty sure Hawaii admits people of all sizes last I checked. Your tourist dollars are just as green as anybody else's.

I tend to just buy whatever color of something is cheapest on Amazon at the time, when color doesn't really matter, like for a mouse, the sound machine, etc. Prices on there can vary so much on the same item and day to day.

I would like to say something about the word "fat". I am fat, fatter than some and not as fat as others. I would really like women to feel centred enough that we can use the word "fat" to describe ourselves, and other women, in the same way as we might use the adjective "tall", "European", "curly haired" etc. "Fat" is a neutral descriptor, it should not have value judgements attached to it and it should not be weaponised against women.

So ArtieTheSequal, you might be fat, I don't know. However, I know that you aren't ugly or undeserving. I also know that your partner sounds like a knob when he speaks like that.

While I agree with what you're saying, once the word has been weaponized against you, it's really hard to find the word neutral. My ex called me that word almost everyday, usually along with another demeaning name (b***h, wh*re, c***), maybe even throwing in an extra "ugly" or "stupid" just for good measure. It was extremely demoralizing and I'm left with a lot of shame.

Lone dog and I had to leave new cat at the vet this morning. She refused to give them a urine sample at first and I have never had success with those crystals they give you to put in an empty litterbox so the cat will pee in it--cats are not that dumb or compliant. So they kept her for a few hours.

Lone dog moped around all morning when I was teaching, so I took him with me when it was time to go pick her up. He rested his head on the seat by her carrier on the ride home and listened to her long list of grievances, occasionally giving a soft moan in response.

In short, lone dog is new cat's therapist. So of course as soon as we were home and she was free she gave him a smack. Typical ungrateful client.

I really understand the harm which abusive words can carry. I am not attempting to minimise the pain of being on the receiving end of verbal, and associated emotional, abuse.

I don't think women should shrug off the pain of verbal abuse or offensive terms. For me, there could be a qualitative difference between words like b**** and c*** and fat. Words which describe our physical being have no bearing on our soul. B**** and c*** say nothing about our being. Knob ends will use words like fat because they want to take away the material reality of women's bodies. £uck them, they are idiots.

As an aside, I don't like the kind of reclaiming of language I see in the LGB community, such as q*ueer or d*yke. Now that I think about it, this might be a contradictory stance. Maybe.

If we don't describe fat women as fat, what other words would we use? Anything else is medicalised or euphemistic. Fat women exist and we have words for ourselves.

Overweight, heavyset, pudgy, plump, obese, big, well-nourished—these words exist and are used as euphemisms.

I am not sure that historically fat when applied to people has ever been value-neutral (though it should be) In the ancient Mediterranean fat was good because it meant you were a rich noble heroic aristocrat who could afford plenty of food. Now it means the opposite in class and economic terms, reenforcing stereotypes. It doesn’t take an abuser to say it to make it bad.

I think also fat has more rhetorical and aural impact as an English word because it has a lot of the same characteristics our more popular curse words do: monosyllabic, short vowel, ends with a plosive consonant. Its sound is memorable.

Just my two cents. I prefer plump. I am a plump woman. Yes I could stand to lose some weight but you know, that weight was gained by AP's that saved my life. So you know......it is what it is. IF someone else thinks I'm fat that's their concern. I, for the first time in my life, love me for who I am, inside and out. And that only came because I stopped the . So all of these are good things. AP's and stopping a negative behavior/addiction whatever.

Well nourished is a nice term, it has positive connotations. Your other examples are either inaccurate - big, what's big? My feet are big - or medical terms - obese. These adjectives don't say much about the true nature of my body.

Aural and rhetoric qualities are not inherent, they are culturally and temporally dependent at best. Similarly, the southern European value of fat as a class indicator is still current in some communities, to say nothing of non-Western communities.

My point is that the meaning we attach to the word fat are created, relative to our moral peculiarities. If we separate the imposed values from the word, fat women can begin to find our own space and meaning.

My Dad called for me a pet grooming place to see about getting Amelia in, to see if it was necessary to help her with this transmission fluid that hasn't totally gotten off of her despite our repeated attempts at baths. But the pet grooming place basically said that they would do just what we have been doing so it isn't really necessary to bring her in. (At least they weren't money grubbing and like yeah bring her and it costing me $150 for a Dawn bath that I did at home already.) I think her hair is just going to have to grow out some, get fuller again. She sure did make a right mess out of it!

I got a propane griddle for camping but am debating whether to keep it or not. I am not a big fan of propane but this would be (and it is a hot camping item on people's lists) very handy for cooking. But propane can blow up. Probably my desire not to blow up will beat out my desire to have an easier way to make breakfast.

A survivalist's conundrum.

"well he said something yesterday that made me feel the same way all over again and worse and I'm never eating again. He made me feel fat, and ugly, and undeserving."

I think there are several things going on. His statement was cruel and demeaning and one need not put up with being treated in such a fashion. But the reaction of "he hurt my feelings so I won't eat ever again" is also turning power over to him. Not eating won't teach him a lesson. Go to Hawaii or wherever you want to go by yourself, with your friends, take your son etc. and eat a whole damn roast pig or whatever you want.

Okay, I let down the guy I was unsure about. Seeing scientist guy on Friday. And I'm supposed to meet another scientist guy tomorrow. Friday guy is a geneticist, Wednesday guy is a virologist. Battle of the disciplines?