Couch 222: Create, Cooperate, Harmonize

Alas, I do know what you mean. I’m hoping I can take the energy and good intentions and wrangle then somehow.

How do you give someone kissing tips without making them feel really embarrassed?

Oh yeah i remember the great colors!

Maybe make it personal, like, “When someone’s kissing me, I really like it when they...[whatever]”?

1. This.
2. World peace.

Eta - i made myself a yummy dinner this afternoon. Okay, packaged basil-potato gnocchi, but i made a sort of watsername Marcella Hazan sauce, chopped and browned an onion and added a little baglet of Oloves (chili and garlic) to a box of pressed tomatoes. Sooo good.

I feel that some men learned from maybe movies that they have to kiss extremely crazy looking passionately like “eat woman’s face” all wet and sloppy. I don’t know why they kiss like this. I dated couple of men who kissed like that and I ended up just avoiding kissing them and going for hugs or other things instead.

Oh, god. I met one of those in high school. Like feel his teeth around your mouth. You'd think someone along the way would have figured out a way to guide him to something more pleasant.

Unfortunately, 16-year-old me didn't know how to approach this. Instead, I was at my after-school job when it was slow and was chatting with a coworker about this very topic, when unbeknownst to me guy in question has just walked in and overheard me saying he was a terrible kisser. I've felt so guilty about that for years now, even though it was unintentional.

This is so awful. And shocking. Altho i didnt realize she was married. Was it from the covid?

Can I come over for dinner?

Her email said unexpectedly, so I’d guess no, but heart attack, stroke, brain aneurysm, accident, and so on.

Atat, I'd also send a card if it were my therapist.

Chiriho, I'd probably tell the guy somehow as well. I'm not really for just not kissing due to him not being good at it, people can learn. As others have suggested, in a quiet moment you could say something like 'I personally like this and that better'. Everyone's different, most people understand that.

Glad the date went well, Chihiro (aside from the kissing). And good he took it well when you didn't want to go further.

Sorry about the kissing--I've dated a few like that (or other variations of bad kissing). With kissing (or anything like that), I think it can be better to tell him what you *do* like vs. what you don't. Like, "I like kissing with mouths more closed" or "I like it when you do x." Though one of the first guys I kissed said something like "Relax your lips more" (probably the opposite of what you'd want to tell the geneticist!) and after a moment of thinking "Oh no, I'm a bad kisser," I was actually grateful he gave me feedback. Maybe something like, "I really like kissing you, but I tend to like kisses that are more ____." Maybe demonstrate? OK, I'll stop now!

Thanks, all -- I'll have to find the right moment to bring this up with him. I imagine it'll be at least a little awkward, but what is life without a little awkwardness?

In other news, I'm super duper bored today. Had a session at 8 and now I have nothing until 7pm when my dad and I are going to do a virtual whiskey tasting together. I sort of want to go to a nearby nature reservation for a walk but it's in the 30s... I guess I could just bundle up?

Oh, also in session this morning T said that in order for him to see me while I'm across the country during my fellowship, I'd have to pay him out of pocket (because of something to do with licensing). That's just not realistic for me, especially since fellows are paid significantly less than attendings. I guess that seals it, then.

I'm sorry, Chihiro. That is rough. I hope you can find someone who treats you with more respect than your current T has seemed to in the past.

Oh, that sucks, I'm sorry.

Also, the virtual whiskey tasting sounds fun! One of the local breweries did something like that where you could pick up a 4-pack of different beers, then do a tasting via Zoom, but I didn't do it. Maybe I'll see if they're doing another one.

@@ I would also send a card.

Oh I'm sorry. That's difficult. Maybe you will find a good T near where you are going to be in July that will work out well for you. At least you have time to wind things down and it's not like "oh in two weeks I gotta leave" because that would be really tough!

that sounds so delish i can almost smell/taste it! i love basil.

I'm on the phones today (Boo!) and I'm enjoying it even less than usual today (if that's even possible haha) because my shoulder woke me up during the night with several seconds of take-your-breath-away pain when I rolled over. It's ok now but I laid awake the rest of the night afraid the pain was going to come again. Ugh. I really need to go get this checked out!!

Yeah, I've had a lot of fun doing virtual beer tastings through one of the local breweries! I didn't even really enjoy or know anything about beer before the pandemic, but doing beer and cheese pairings or IPA tastings or what-have-you with J the former BF made me realize that I actually like it.

Though tonight Dad and I are just getting on Zoom at the same time and trying some fancy whiskey that he sent me and also bought some for himself

Went on a walk at my favorite local place.



But now it's sinking in for real that I have to find a new therapist when I move in July and I pulled a beer out of the fridge and ordered a pizza and I'm going back to bed even though it's only 1:20pm.

Lovely photo!


Beer, pizza, and bed are OK--that's a really difficult thing to deal with, regarding your T. Sending hugs if wanted.

beautiful picture, chihiro.

Talking to Dr. T near end of session today about struggling to find things to look forward to, like stuff on the calendar, how sessions are one thing I have, but I know I need more. So maybe we could discuss suggestions next session. And he said he wasn't really sure what to tell me, that looking at his calendar, he doesn't really have anything on there (I wanted to be like, "What about sessions with me?") aside from renewing his state psychological license later this month. I said that was important, and he said, "But not exciting." He said no trips, no social events, how there aren't many places you'd want to meet outside right now (getting cold in my area). I suppose he refrained from putting "time off" on there to protect my feelings. But it was still rather depressing when my T struggles to come up with ideas of (scheduled) things for me to look forward to. I said, "Well, I look forward to watching football, though my team isn't doing well right now...but I still like watching it." How I had another couple months of that, if COVID doesn't take it away.

He just seemed rather depressed about it all. In a way, it helps that he understands. At the same time, if he's struggling to come up with things to look forward to, seemingly for himself as well...