Couch 222: Create, Cooperate, Harmonize

Oh Kit I'm sorry for your losses. So sad.

Sure is. One of my fabourite book series as well the Chronicles of Thomas Covenant by Stephen Donaldson. My vocabulary increased a lot with those books, a lot of people find him verbose, an old boyfriend for one, but i loved the desriptions.

How come i never find guys who like reading? When i do i discover they are unavailable.

The new forums are borked. My profile concerns are all wrong and when I fix them, and save, they don't turn our correct either.

The student who’s been taking classes with me every semester for the last four years and is now graduating just sent me a handmade scrapbook of her favorite moments from my classes.

In the dead of a New England winter, with snow outside, I think my allergies are acting up.

I'd settle for one sorta smart one.


Still bearing gifts, though.

Felling pretty lonely and bad right now. After a year of not seeing any family, I finally managed to travel to my native country (in Europe) and see them. I had a test, was very careful, so I was pretty confident that it would be ok. I was supposed to stay there until after Christmas and then return home to the UK. But the day after I got there, Boris announced this tier 4 business and lots of European countries closed their borders to arrivals from the UK. I had to make a choice: change my flight and leave while I still could, or risk being stuck there for who knows how long. I looked into repatriation flights, but il all seemed so complicated and dependent on the number of UK nationals. So I made the difficult decision of coming back to the UK after spending less than 48 hours with them. I don't have a job where I can work from home and I've run out of annual leave so I needed to be back at work in early January.

I just feel like such a horrible person to have made this choice. I have my difficulties with my family but I wanted to spend time with them and I love them. Maybe I should have chanced it and hoped I could have returned after Christmas....I just don't know if I made the right decision. I feel so guilty and horrible. Wish I could talk to T about it but he's on holiday until Jan. Definitelt an awful Christmas this year.

Zoom session yesterday in the car was hell. T felt he needed to know all of the details of what went down with geneticist guy, said he thought it was important therapeutically. But I don't like talking about the minutiae of physically intimate interactions with T. I'm not a prude, exactly, I just hate talking about this stuff with my intense, often awkward male T. So session felt like a parallel process to the one that happened with geneticist guy--a man pushing up against my boundaries, not listening when I said "no." To his credit, T did name that dynamic... but that didn't stop him from pushing me.

Ugh.

That is pretty awesome.

I mean, you make your stuff sound interesting even from way over here.

Will she be following you into your specialty?

Chihiro, honest question, why does your therapist get a pass on refusing to acknowledge your autonomy and being controlling when J and geneticist guy did not? None of them deserve a pass, IMO, and you even have a natural exit strategy for the therapist: you’re moving.

And therapy is not about breaking through a client’s boundaries. It’s not demolition work.

Yeah, but to teach high school, not college. She’s got exactly the right temperament to teach high school, too, while I don’t.

Ugh, I'm so sorry...Your T should have realized that pushing you for so much detail was the wrong thing to do.

I'm so sorry, Merope. But it seems like you did what you had to do so that you could be guaranteed to get back to the UK. It's not your fault--it's the fault of the inability to contain the coronavirus. I imagine your family understands that you wanted to spend more time with them, even though they may be disappointed.

Maybe there is some helpful information in Steve Harvey's book about waiting 90 days before giving up the cookie? I agree with the concept - i cant even tell if i want to be friends with someone before that (except for the chiro gosling - i fell instantly but from a safe distance!).

That sounds quite nice.

This makes me go all "aww" on the inside. So lovely of her and it's nice to know how much she appreciated your teaching.

I'm sorry for your loss Artie. I'm sure she knew how much you cared about her.

You made the right choice for you at the time. It's so hard to know what the future will look like when restrictions can be implemented overnight and I'm sure your family understand.

I think you deserve a better T C. It's not okay to create the above dynamic and to keep pushing you beyond what you're okay with.

Chihiro, I honestly think he's just a bad therapist. I know you respect his mind, but he is bad at his job, and he is (repeatedly) hurting you.

Merope, you did exactly what I would do in your situation. Practical (because you need a job) but so unpleasant. I hope you can find some ways to make Christmas at least okay-ish: favorite foods or movies, special time to do a hobby, whatever really appeals to you. It's hard to be away from people you wish you were with, and it's also an opportunity to be that lovely, supportive person to yourself.

Ugh is right. That is not a way to model safety and honoring boundaries.

I'm with @@. He does not get a pass on this.

See, whereas im - ts are allowed to say anything. Altho the dental hygienist and i WERE just rolling our eyes at my dentist who brought out just ONE rack of my teeth for me to photograph. We were pretty awful to him behind his back. He comes back in and goes, "Hmm, i think things were said about me, but whatever!"

OTOH, i have been blunt, and vulnerable, with him to his face, and thats what MAKES our relationship. I take a chance on hearing bad news from him.

Chihiro - i think thats what our parents have a lot in common. (And i see it a lot on Kitchen Nightmates.) Our folks did not want to hear bad news from us. You are a madonna or a hoe, and they dont wanna know which. That puts us on shaky ground for ANYTHING - like even taking responsibility for what movie i want to see.

IMO, i think your t is just trying to talk you past or through that point. Why isnt it safe with him? Define it as safe with him. Easy for me to say, i was a math major. We make assumptions, prove stuff, then give ourselves awards. :winning:

Btw, my new crown is pretty cool. I love the meme where the person goes, my dentist said i need a crown, and im like, i know, right?

That’s the point where I usually fire them. “You’re a difficult client because of your hearing impairment.”

Clients are allowed to say anything, then, too—including ******* ****** ***** ***, *** *************!

T is a place to practice having difficult conversations.

So yes, clients are also allowed to say stuff, but you gotta say it in context: "I feel ***** when you say #####."

Otherwise SD and i woulda gotten married loooong time ago!