Couch 228--The Wellness Couch

Hugs to all who want.

I'll take a hug. I turn 50 tomorrow and I'm not too excited at the prospect. It doesn't feel like 50 is the right number.

BF had a negative involuntary reaction to something about my body, and I feel gross and sad. I’m not exactly mad because I *know* he didn’t mean to hurt my feelings, and he apologized. But also I don’t quite know how to talk about it and obv he doesn’t either bc he’s being careful and gentle with me but hasn’t tried to talk about it with me.

I also worry that he’s going to get sick of how I get sad about things sometimes and get quiet.

Hugs SK. You've had a big loss with E. It makes sense to be depressed.

Lost, I hope R will respond in a helpful manner.

Hugs if wanted, chihirochild.

69 is 70's waiting room. I had no plans for my 50's, and thats exactly what happened.

Turning 50 is alright, any even number is great. Ok Birthdays at the start of each decade are a big deal and occasionally anxiety inducing. When you turn 20 years old, you are no longer a teenager. Then you turn 30 years old, and you think wait what happened to my 20’s. 40 is tough too. Then 50, you are half a century old, no who wants to think about it. Maybe it’s good, you’re 50 years old, you have some great wisdom going on, you have life experience. But 60, I don’t know, I’m not there yet, don’t want to think about it, not yet. Can I get a do over, send me back to 20 or 25 years old. Oh well, I have some life experience, wisdom, better get moving with a bucket list.

In my 60's i wanted a do-over SO BAD! I had finally figured out where i'd gone wrong. Now i just want a keep-doing.

Thanks, QM.

She was very helpful, but I am still worried. It was not my usual way of reaching out, and it was the weekend, when I wouldn't normally make contact.

But then, it's not every day that:

Hugs, Lost, I hope she's OK...

Thanks for the hugs, LT. She's home now, and it was 'only' an anxiety attack, but I'm still rattled. I feel like I've been telling myself that whatever is going on in my world is 'just a blip' for the last couple of months.

There comes a point where it's 'just a life', I guess.

Maybe you could write it out or talk about it via text if it would be easier?

Getting sad and becoming quiet are perfectly normal human experiences. Your relationship is also about you too- not just him. You deserve a supportive partner without trying to change your behaviour.

I watched the first few episodes of the new season of in treatment and I think I'm giving up on it. I don't like the clients and I hate the constant references to covid.

Client 1 - textbook maternal transference
Client 2 - super angry guy
Client 3- floating teenager with overbearing grandmother.

"Only" an anxiety attack can still be a terrifying experience for you and her. Hope you can feel more settled soon.

Sending you love NP for tomorrow.

Well, I have now been discharged completely by the mental health service

I honestly don't know what to do now.

I would like opinions on something: do you think it would be reasonable to email my ex-therapist (I saw her on Monday for a final follow-up appointment but couldn't really say much because I was too upset)? I just want to thank her for everything she tried to do for me, but also to explain how hurt and upset I am at the way I have been treated - by the service as a whole and not specifically her, although she did repeatedly promise me that this would not happen.

HUGS @littleblackdog

Maybe write the email but don't send it yet. It sounds like your feelings are really raw. Write it out with all your feelings and everything you want to say. Then in a couple of days edit it and then think about sending it.


I'm sorry the system let you down. I'm sorry you are feeling so badly. HUGS Kit

Appointment with case manager went okay yesterday. She wasn't mad that I didn't get the third thing done but she was really impressed that I got two of the things done. She says I have really good skills. She did suggest that I see a psychiatrist for a second opinion (I'm on a lot of psych medications) and see someone in network. I see a Pdoc who does cash only so it's like $200 every time I see him. I budget to be able to see him 6 times a year, and so far this year have seen him three times. But it is a lot of money when I pay for good insurance and my copay would be $30. She's just concerned because I am on a lot of medications and I am still having symptoms. Hard to argue with that. It was a short call, maybe 10 minutes but it is nice to check in with someone. She doesn't seem terribly organized. Example. Last time she asked me for my primary care doctor's phone number so she could coordinate care but as I was on the phone with her I couldn't get it. So I had it ready for her and she was going to get off the phone call without getting the number so I was like, wait, don't you want this number? Maybe she was just rushed yesterday. She sounded rushed. I don't know if I should see a second Pdoc for a second opinion. My Pdoc gives me benzo (generic xanax) and I know some won't prescribe that. He also gives me a stimulant for the ADHD and some won't do that with a psychosis background. But maybe it can't hurt?

Wishing you the happiest of birthdays NP_Complete. I wasn't too thrilled with my last birthday either but it turned out to be a good year. Maybe this new decade of your life will be the best yet! The best is yet to come! Thinking of you, Kit

I guess that means 59 is 60's waiting room.... where I'll be in less than a month. The waiting room, that is. It's a good thing I'll have a year in that waiting room to get used to the idea of turning 60! I can scarcely fathom it now. It just does not seem real.

Kit, I'm glad the appointment went OK. I think a second opinion from another p-doc could be good. Also, is it possible the ADHD med could be contributing to things like hallucinations? I know there are some newer options for ADHD that aren't stimulants, so could one of those be a possibility? (I looked into them once regarding my D, though we haven't pursued them.) Getting a second opinion wouldn't mean that you'd have to leave your current pdoc.

Thanks, LT. I have this notion in my head that seeing another Pdoc would be disloyal to him. I know he wants what is best for me though. I think he is a really good doctor but....what if there is something out there that is better or would work differently. I don't know if the ADHD medication is messing with the hallucinations. I've been on it for so long I don't think so but you never know. But when I don't take it I feel like crap so I am kind of scared to go off of it. I never take more than prescribed but I think I am on a pretty high dose. I can definitely tell when I forget to take that medication.

Not to dismiss your viewpoint kit, but you are always allowed to seek a second opinion or even a third. Maybe try to think of it just like food shopping at a store. Sometimes they don't have what you want so you go elsewhere.

Sometimes a second opinion can be really helpful.

When my ex-Pdoc went on maternity leave, I was transferred to the county and saw one of their Pdocs. It was then that ex-T abandoned me. I needed help asap. The Pdoc put me on an anti-psychotic, and it was the best thing that ever happened. While the specific med made too sleepy, ex-Pdoc came back and switched it to another anti-psychotic. I am still on that meds today and it's been a life saver, seriously.