Couch 230: Decent Communications

If I had made such a typo, I would 100% keep it on my website. She sounds like a superhero! Informatino: wings of steel, forms of data!!

NP, I don't want to sound like a wanker (although it comes very easily to me), but isn't this the nature of therapy? Working through the misunderstandings and misinterpretations. Seeing things through another lense, realising your position is not the only position. I mean, obviously, the gift could have been accepted superficially and kindly. However, the broader meaning lies in ignoring the gracious response and looking at what happens for you, for him and between the two of you.

Oh my therapist has trained me well. She would love that response.

Nevermind, he is an ungrateful knob.

Yeah, I am currently trying to work through this not only here, but with him as well. I sent him a tearful email that hopefully didn't make things worse since I last posted here. We meet again Tuesday, so we'll see how that went. I don't think he's ungrateful, I just think I didn't think through all the complicated stuff that could have happened with this gift.

I've told her about it, when I told her her nickname.

Don't forget cleavage of marble.

Hugs if wanted, NP.

Ideal T reaction to a gift:

"Well thank you! That's lovely. I can see you put a lot of work into that.

What made you think of it? How did you feel when you made it? How did you feel when you gave it to me? What kind of reaction were you hoping for? What kind of reaction did you think you would get? How did you feel when I reacted the way I did?"

P.S.

Madame T went as far as "I think this means you love me."

To be fair, this is why I have given my therapist gifts. Or, at the very least, to showcase to her how interesting, clever, thoughtful, sensitive, complex, unusual I am. Or, at the very very least, to demonstrate how better connected to her I am than her other cruddy clients. It's difficult to pull off such grand claims with a gift box of tea, but I keep trying.

And this reaction is a major reason why I have never given a therapist a gift. It can’t just be a gift.

Sending Info a condolence card on her husband’s death was more than enough. And at least she didn’t cross-examine me about it.

The two women got paid to do nothing - I wasn't going to give them a present on top of it. I never felt an urge to give a therapist a gift.

The important thing is, you thought about it.

You don't go to therapy to examine your feelings and motivations?

Quite right. You paid them because you collect receipts.

I go to therapy with goals. Examining feelings and motivations can be part of that. But I don’t see the need to add to Info’s questions about my actual goals and problems that arise in meeting them by giving her a gift that might elicit yet more questions on a topic that I don’t see as relevant to said goals.

I guess for me giving her a gift would be making therapy about the therapist and our relationship, while I think it should be what I want to get done in life. (Yes, yes, I know you think therapy is about the relationship. I don’t disagree entirely, but I also don’t fully agree.)

ETA: I also don’t think one needs a therapist to examine feelings and motivations.

Plus, I give them the gift of my presence. What more could they want?

I only once gave a therapist an actual gift. I didn't really plan it or go looking for it - I just kind of stumbled upon it one day and thought it was a perfect metaphorical representation for our working relationship. Fortunately, he "got" it right away and it wasn't a big drawn-out thing - I'm sorry this is stressing you NP. I don't think your T's reaction was negative - he seems to have appreciated it and recognized it was meaningful. Sounds like he is just trying not to "think" for you and wants to be sure he's not putting words/meaning in your mouth about it. That seems respectful.

I think my presents were little poops. Some of them were even shaped like little poops. Like the fidget thing. Or the sock monkeys. Or else they were flat - i guess like toilet paper. A lot of those. Coasters, books, seat cushions for the kindergarten chairs, a print.

Cant get much more freudian than that.

oh good lord

I did not hire a therapist in order to examine feelings/motivations. I went for one specific reason = the two I hired were useless in helping with it.

My birthday present: meet Tails! I've always wanted a hedgehog, but they're illegal here. My sister got me this one for me She's so cute!

It's very cute, but what are you going to do if it needs a vet? I imagine the fines for having one are pretty expensive.

There's exotic pet hospitals here. Even the pet stores sell exotic foods. They know people have them, just we're not supposed to. And hedgehogs don't really need a vet like dogs or cats.

I just found out some bad news. I wrote that my sister contacted L for some reason for my birthday. I just found out that L actually talked to my sister on the phone. I NEVER gave her permission to actually talk to my sister! I feel violated and betrayed! My family is not trustworthy! Why would L do this? It doesn't matter what my sister asked her to do for me, she should have never talked to her!!!!!

For me giving gifts was because I wanted to show that I cared. I wanted a reminder of me left with Rob. He'd pick up the books and hopefully think of me too. I wanted to be a part of his life and present even when I wasn't there. I wanted my stuff in his home. Looking back now I honestly wish I hadn't even though it felt right at the time. It was multiple children's books for his birthday and Christmas so he could read (with his young daughter, a £30 gift card, shortbread, ££ chocolate. His last gift was different packets of seeds + a £3.50 chocolate bar + postage. Didn't do anything last Christmas for the first time. If I did see him in person I would also bring him cake for the first session from M&S which was around £3 each time.

None of it was needed and I wish he had kept saying no instead of giving in to me.

I can understand your feelings, but I think it can be hard for a T to not pick up the phone when it rings without knowing who is on the other end. L might have just listened without engaging in further conversation.

Never heard of sock monkeys before. Cute!

Awww the gift of time.