Couch 230: Decent Communications

Hey big spender spend a little time with me?

I think I'll ask Kayla for some hot lines, warm lines. She should be able to provide those for me. Since that's the next step on my crisis plan. Although actually I haven't made a crisis plan with Dr. K so the step after crisis hotline used to be contact T but I don't know if Dr. K would want that. The step after that is hospital.


I don't know if going on the trip would help me or if staying home would help me more. I'm trying to decide. I can still cancel the hotel room and get my money back. I think if I cancel it the day of I lose a day. Still getting something back would be better than nothing. As for the aquarium, I'd just be out the $50 but I'd still be saving money on gas and everything else.


I'll try to talk to my Dad. Really talk to him. It sucks because we have Church tonight. I have Kayla at 4 so there's not a lot of time. Then it's hard to get him alone without my Mom there. I mean, I don't care if she knows but sometimes it is easier just talking to my Dad.


My brain feels like it is in pieces!

Hi LT.
I think I have exhausted the T's in my area. I wish former T would take me back but I know that isn't going to happen. I could write her though. I doubt she would respond.


I guess I could see Dr. K earlier if I took time off of work. That was his first 4 PM appointment available. I get off of work at 3:30. So 4 works well for me.


Yeah, I know what you mean. I don't know what would help to hear but not that. And maybe that would be helpful another time, this time it just wasn't. It's hard to know what would be helpful.

And hugs to you Artie
Thank you

Thanks, Lemon. It helps to read that. He could have very easily said, "Only contact me in an emergency" or "You have backup T's contact info, I won't be checking email that often." But he chose to say he's reading and responding to email. I feel I did good for 4 days without him, without even being tempted to contact him, so that's some sort of progress. Had things gone differently in the appointment today, I wouldn't have contacted him either. It's like I hit some sort of wall in what I can handle (both on my own and with non-T supports).

Kit, you deserve better. Dr K seems to not be attuned.

So what if you have Google Maps? It doesn't completely ease the anxiety and fear. Even with Google Maps and researching whatever route I needed on Street View or doing practice runs, I would still be horribly anxious. I couldn't go more than 10 minutes away from a train station without someone with me.

I had to take lots of baby steps to get to not being anxious and then confident. T cheered on every little step and helped me with my shame on how I struggled with such "small" things. She helped me focus on using whatever I needed to BE able to go places, then slowly reduce my safety behaviour. I found City Mapper helped with my fear of missing bus stops and getting lost because it'd notify me with sounds and vibration as I'm approaching the stop.

And that's for public transport, I can't imagine driving or even driving lessons.

And for SH... sigh. He shouldn't just assume...

Saw this yesterday. Thought it was super cute.

Owners Wanted To See The Reactions Of Their Pets After They Get Unexpected Kisses (45 Pics) | Bored Panda

This is golden. I think we see some real peaches on here sometimes.

Dr. T ended up sending a very supportive response to my email this morning. It felt really validating (particularly regarding one reaction I'd mentioned), which is what I needed. So I'm glad I reached out to him.

Scarlet, how are you doing?

Kayla, my case manager/care coordinator person, did not discharge me. She wants me to talk to a different Pdoc because she's not sure the medications I'm on are right for me. So just like get a second opinion. That's my homework. I have two weeks to make an appointment. She was worried because of the suicidal thoughts and SH thoughts last night. She told me if I get worse to go to the ER.

I made the difficult decision not to go to my sister's Thursday through Saturday. My parents thought I should go. That even though I'm terribly depressed, maybe the break would be good for me. My Mom offered to go with me but she didn't have a ticket to the Aquarium so what was she going to do just stay in the hotel all day, boring! So I cancelled my hotel, which I should get a refund within 30 days and I'm out the ticket for the aquarium, but whatever. I texted my sister and my niece and told them I wasn't coming. My sister sent me a gift card to Starbucks. That was sweet of her. I didn't tell my niece I was/am suicidal but I told my sister. I just told my niece I'm very depressed. My parents said they haven't seen me this depressed in a while. I don't feel all the way better this morning but I do have some relief that I am not going on the trip. I think the trip was stressing me out too much. I'm still going to take Thursday and Friday off of work but I am just not going to go to my sisters. I will rest and recuperate at home.

I'm glad you've made the best choice for yourself which includes some rest and being honest with Kayla.

Just wondering can you post your niece your aquarium ticket if it's physical. We have a guaranteed next day delivery service by 1pm.

Thanks Lemoncake,

My sister has my aquarium ticket. It is for a specific day (Friday) at a specific time (12:30) if she can't find someone else to go with her then I wasted $50 on a ticket that will go unused. But maybe my sister can invite one of my niece's friends or something to go with them and use the ticket. If not, oh well, $50 is $50 but maybe she can get a refund if she doesn't use it? I Zelled her the money so my sister didn't pay for the ticket. So at least there's that.

I made an appointment with a Dr K (not to be confused with my T Dr K) for a consult for psych meds. I probably have to fill out a list of all the medications that I am on. At least this appointment will only cost me $30 and not $200 like my other pdoc. I'm just worried that my other pdoc will be annoyed that I got a second opinion.

If you end up liking one Dr. K better than the other we can call him Special K.

We're all caught up on sMothered on TLC and have now switched to Extreme Sisters. It's very similar in entertainment value and it stresses me out quite a bit less. Maybe because I have both a mother and a daughter, but I don't have a sister/twin.

It sounds like you made the best decision for you. Sending lots of hugs.

Haha...I needed that laugh, @@.
I've just had a session where I've been trying to make sense of anger, trying to hold it together, and trying to trust that R can hold that anger for me.

I got off work early today, used my PTO so I get paid for it. I'm scheduled for live chat again next week, so won't be able to leave early, figured I'd take it while I can! Even after using some today, I have 60 hours available right now. Hoping to use 40 hours in December around Christmastime to visit my family. Can't put in for the time off until late September, which sucks because it's always a battle to try to get the week of Christmas off. I normally don't care but this year, with covid still happening and stuff, not to be morbid but I just feel the need to spend what might be one last Christmas with my Mom still around. She'll be 82 this December and is pretty healthy, but you just never know.

Also, I'm so jazzed about the Culture Ambassador thing at work! I'm going to be writing a column or whatever now for our monthly departmental newsletter, which is exciting as well. Already started my first article, which of course is about the culture stuff.

Congratulations, Artie! That sounds right up your street.

Oh and h has one of his next appointments scheduled re: the liver disease thing, for the extensive labs the specialist ordered. Still waiting to get the 2nd liver scan scheduled. I'm doing pretty well in managing not to catastrophize the situation, but it's still on my mind quite a bit. He's been working a lot and feeling good, so that helps me to not overly worry. We both really like the specialist so far, he seems to be very conscientious and thorough, so that's another plus.

Actually doing well. Thank you

L and I are doing so good right now. And I didn't get the "welcome back jitters" when she got back from her vacation. I think it's because she told me that not only does she hold me and our relationship in her heart, but that she "chooses" to be with me. Those two things I've really been able to hold onto. We still have one more thing to work out from our last rupture, but almost everything is worked through and healed.

My birthday is Sunday. I'm so nervous and excited! H, his mom, and I are going out to dinner Friday. Saturday morning I see L, and then go shopping with my mom. And then Sunday night, my dad and sister have some sort of surprise for me. I bought my nieces some presents for my birthday because they're probably too young to understand why Auntie is getting gifts and not them.

We still haven't heard anything from CPS. My sister is like waiting for doomsday. I told her to go about her life like normal. She's already signed up for an alcoholic group, so that's good. I'm hoping she still has the girls for my birthday.

Oh, and H has been super good to me. Not only has he taken me shopping for my birthday, he's let me shop online too. And then when all the stuff happened with my sister, he let me cry without trying to fix it. And then he told me to take my anxiety meds and get some sleep, and then tucked me into bed. We haven't been fighting or anything.

Also, I asked my Pdoc and PCP if we could reduce down to every 3 months instead of every 6 weeks. They both agreed because of how stable I've been.

So yeah, I'm doing really good.

Great to hear Scarlet. Happy early birthday!