Couch 230: Decent Communications

Finished BIL's latest pair of slippers! He calls them "Karandals" which makes me laugh (a combination of my first name and sandals) even though of course they are not sandals. He's a lovable goofball. (ETA: Please to pardon h's leg in the background haha)

They're great, Artie! Nice job.

I think i know it from various singers on The Ed Sullivan Show. Now i have to google it.

I'll definitely have a serious talk if any of the recruiters don't listen to me about jobs that are maximum 20 hours a week. They earn for a successful match and I'll refuse anything that doesn't fit my criteria.

One recruiter kind of pissed me off. It's normal in my country for them to ask about my resume gap. I usually say "health issues". They can also ask what health issues but I really dislike that. Well I would usually say "burnout" along with a brief explanation of my department being under-staffed. This time, I said depression because despite the stigma in my county, it's more accurate.

And she said I'm burned out and not depressed due to how my voice sounds. Pissed me off. She's obviously not a mental health professional, so "diagnosing" me based on my voice in our very first phone call is rude and presumptuous.

And it's my body and brain - I know myself better than her, obviously. And major depression significantly impacts many people's level of functioning.

And of course, I'm reminded of my former psychiatrist who felt I don't look or sound depressed even though I struggled with SH and chronic passive SI, plus reported most MDD symptoms except for Psychomotor agitation or retardation.

Ugh, that's ridiculous she could diagnose you over the phone like that. I wonder if it would be better to go with "burnout" though, if it would have less stigma? I hope the other recruiters are better and that you can find something soon.

Seems like "health issues" should be a complete answer. Why do they need to know the specifics?

QM - yeah, im still getting over burnout 20 years later. Last night in my dreams i was presented with some programming problem AND solved it. I woke up wondering who i had to call about it.

I think the insidious thing about computers is, that to be good at it, you have to be able to replace YOUR pattern of thinking, your logic, with that of the OP. That is easy for some of us, the way we were raised, because our parents did that to us. Theres a psych term for it, something like infiltrate, but thats not it.

Interject! Having a parental interject. Hearing their voice AS your own. Which eventually becomes an evil interject into your persona. I need to reread about this, now that ive moved past it somewhat.

P.s. i wonder if you are about equally right and left brained, as i am.

"I was with the Maoists in Nepal."

We had a big storm here this afternoon, I had gone to the pharmacy re: the continuing saga of trying to get medicare to cover h's test strips (long, ridiculous story I won't bore you with). It was not raining when I left. But when I came out of the pharmacy it was into a torrential downpour and the roads were already starting to flood, the street leading into my subdivision was covered with water, I drove through it slowly with water flying up all around my car. It was fun. Thankfully there are no washes between my house and the pharmacy, so I didn't have to worry about encountering any deep/rushing water! The rain has stopped now.

True, I'm thinking of going back to saying "burnout". I think my anxiety comes from the fact that I only officially quit my job in March this year, but had been on unpaid leave from early 2019. But then part time jobs usually don't care too much, and some are advertised to semi retirees or single parents or stay at home spouses.

I know right? It's really annoying that interviewers will also ask that. Sadly people with physical disabilities here really struggle to get and maintain work, while mental health often isn't "valid". So I'll say burnout due to chronic understaffing and maybe along with "caregiver burnout" - which is all technically true.

Caregiving being my younger brother having depression and family issues from my parents, including my mum having parkinsons. But I don't live with them anymore. So I'm not sure.

Those recruiters can get pushy but I have been very firm that I want the details of each potential match in text (WhatsApp or email) so I can think things over instead of "yes, send them my resume."

I am probably equally right and left brained. Since IT (computers and software) requires analytical skills as well as like you and my friend say, "people skills". Having empathy and being able to take their perspective and see their "logic" even if it's not logical, being able to calm someone who is frustrated and even verbally abusive and throwing stuff on the floor in a temper tantrum.

Yeah, stuff our parents did to us! I definitely have parental introjects which I struggle with. I think I'm lazy, useless, worthless, and am harsh to myself. It's been really tough to tackle that in therapy too, and since I've DID, I'm wondering if I actually do have alters who are parental introjects.

There's a Swedish medical code in their version of the ICD 10, called "exhaustion disorder." It was really quite validating to me, maybe it might be for you too? It's considered a stress Induced illness but it counts all forms of chronic stress, not just work related stress.

Among the criteria is mental fatigue with cognitive impairments, physical fatigue, depression and anxiety symptoms. It's considered more impairing than burnout because the symptoms are much more impairing and wider range.

And it's seen as "you need help and time to recover", not "you handle stress badly, that's why you burned out." In a 2020 study, they also found that even after treatment, one third still meet criteria 3 to 12 years on. Where they no longer meet criteria, a good number still have residual cognitive impairment and are more prone to fatigue and number of years on.

Which is rather dismal but also important that they're not considered lazy or "not working to get well".

I have to keep telling this Asperger's friend to stop bugging me about what I "should" be doing with my time and low energy. What he feels I "should" work on in my therapy etc.

I've more than double his work experience, I'm not new to working. And my priorities in my therapy is none of his business. Although I'm working to build cooperation between alters because that would definitely improve my symptoms and functioning over time.

For some reason, he's gotten very interested in me and part of that involves him asking me invasive questions as though he feels he has a right to know. Even questions on my kissing experiences. Each time I tell him directly that's private, too personal, invasive, sounds like he feels entitled to know and that people have different comfort levels. But he'll do it again with another thing. After each boundary, he says self blaming things and I feel pulled to soothe his hurt feelings.

And of course I've baggage from my upbringing and culture. Mum being horribly invasive and interrogating me on my sex life (wouldn't respect "I'm an adult and this is none of your business"), parents deep searching my room and getting mad I had lacy underwear, perpetrator brother believing he gets to dictate my life choices. And of course setting boundaries being met with guilt trips or "I'll die from stress" / "I'll kill myself."

My fiancé is familiar with autism spectrum and told me that why he keeps asking is because he's fixated and will forget the boundaries...? Whatever the reason, I'm rapidly distancing myself.

Definitely rich material for my therapy lol!

Hahaha. That made me chuckle, thank you.

QM, thanks for the info about the swedish stuff.

We Aspergics don't like unanswered questions. It's nothing personal.

Okay, I can understand that, and I don't blame him or tell him I get triggered.

I do however set boundaries in a direct way, and my issue is that he still keeps asking invasive questions. I understand he considers himself very open, but I've repeatedly told him I have different comfort levels.

Do you have suggestions on how I explain to him? Because it's pushing my triggers even though I don't blame him and I'm working on my triggers, and it's quickly affecting my desire to remain friends.

You could say that you understand his need to know, but you also have needs. Your secrets belong to you and that's the way it's going to stay. If he wants to be a friend, he must do what a friend does: respect your privacy. If he doesn't respect your privacy, he's no friend.

You have to join the dots because he can't do it by himself.

Okay, thanks CE. I struggle to join the dots myself with regards to other stuff, so that's a very helpful framework I can keep in mind that it's not personal and not malicious.

Morning couch! Getting ready to start work but I have a few minutes before I have to log on, so thought I'd drop in. Happy Sunday and hugs all around to those who need/want.



I just looked at the picture of the "mood elevator" that I have on the wall above my desk and see that this morning I am at hopeful. That's a pretty good place to start a work day, I'd wager.


Hope everybody has a good day!

That's cool, Artie!

I will investigate this 'mood elevator' further.

Hope you have a good day too.

Camping with the BF. It’s a relief to be somewhere green again.

Enjoy, Chihiro!

Beautiful pic, chihiro! Have fun!

hey couch. happy monday. Hugs to all who want/need.


I am already looking forward to when we don't have to take calls on Mondays anymore!! And it's only the 2nd Monday doing it. Finally lunchtime! Thank goodness for hour lunch breaks, I would hate only having 30 minutes when we have to be on the phones. I've taken 25 calls today in 3.75 hours and they've been back to back - hang up from one and the next one's in your ear before you've even closed the previous account. apparently we're "all hands on deck" on Mondays because today I keep getting transfers from people who are like "I don't know what I'm doing, i don't usually take calls" and i'm like neither do i, but we'll get through it! Many of my callers today either woke up on the wrong side of the bed or forgot to eat their wheaties for breakfast or somethin'. Thankfully I've gotten a lot better at handling being cussed out for something I have absolutely no control over whatsoever.


H's next liver scan is tomorrow, the one where they are going to find out the extent of the damage to his liver so the specialist will know what the next steps are. He now wants me to go with him, so I'm just gonna work 4 hours in the morning then work another 4 hours after we get back. My sup is really good about letting us do that so we can avoid calling in sick or using PTO for stuff like that.

Artie, good luck with H's liver scan. I hope the damage isn't too severe and that the results will be better than expected. HUGS kit

Also sending good thoughts, Artie.

Usually, Dr. T and I schedule for the next full week on Mondays. Next week is somewhat complicated because I'll be out of town for part of it, but can still meet virtually though my time options are more limited (when I could potentially have privacy). He offered me 9 a.m. the one day, I said I wasn't sure if I could do that, but could have done 10. He said he could ask his 10 a.m. client if he'd be willing to switch, and I was like, "Well, OK." So he texted him, he got back to him almost immediately and said he could switch. I said, "Tell him thanks for me--right, I guess you can't really do that. 'Anonymous person thanks other anonymous person.'"


I felt slightly awkward about it, but not nearly as awkward as the time ex-MC *called* someone during our session (while we were sitting right there) to ask if they could do a different time (he'd messed up and put someone in our slot because the recurring appointment thing had ended on the calendar). And they answered, so he was having a conversation with another client in front of us (of course we could only hear his end).

I'm feeling down today. I'm not sure why. I wasn't feeling great yesterday but yesterday it was more...physical, while today it's definitely emotional/mental. I talk to my case manager tonight so I'll let her know. I'm suicidal but I don't know that I will be that direct with her. I don't want to end up at the hospital right now.


I have tickets to go to Disneyland this Saturday which are non-refundable. I'm kind of second guessing going because of the Delta variant, even though I am vaccinated and I could wear a mask.