Couch 231: Live Long and Prosper!

Ouch!! Hugs if wanted. I hope you're not still sitting there and are all patched up by now.

So, I wrote the therapy letter that L suggested day before yesterday. It was a hard one to write, I didn't cry but I did feel a little choked up at one point. I never knew until the recent dream that brought this up, just how much shame I had crammed deep into my Shadow over how I handled (er, didn't handle) this long-ago relationship and how that hidden shame manifested in complexes. I'm heading outside to burn the letter now, assuming I can find a lighter or matches.


And after that, I'm going to go re-read some brene brown stuff.

I have made five-cheese lasagna for dinner. The more cheese, the better...except in cake.

ETA: my student covid count is at 3, across 2 classes.

Trader Joe's has a few different jackfruit items/recipes for their canned kind. I think both canned and frozen.
Jackfruit Carnitas
Trader Joe's New Bbq Pulled Jackfruit Is Turning Heads

Stressed - I hope you are okay -fainting is scary and the ER is usually scarier and more frustrating.

I had cranberry beans that I had soaked and needed to cook along with summer squash. I added a lot of garlic and onions to both and it was good

Do you also dislike cheesecake? (Texture issue for me.)

And ugh to Covid count.

Yeah, I’ve just never been able to get behind cheesecake. Occasionally if it’s really light and airy, it’s good, but it’s usually heavy and sloggy.

my ex FIL demanded cheesecake for all birthday celebrations, i mean like everyone's not just his. So you had to have a special cheesecake just for him until I revolted one year and didn't do it. I hated that man so much.

I like regular plain cheesecake. I like the texture (I don't usually eat the crust because it is just mushed up graham crackers or other cookies and messes with the smooth filling feel) unless it has things in it like chocolate chips or anything that messes with the smooth creaminess. I often use my sous vide stick to make it - and I don't even bother putting crust in it

How many jackfruit do you get for a beaver pelt? (Asking for a friend.)

I'm still here, they are intubating a man next door whose wife is covid positive and he's in bad shape. I can't actually feel germs crawling on me, right? This losing consciousness could have happened not during a pandemic. I feel so bad for doctors and nurses who have to treat these scary infections, and of course I feel bad for the sick people as well.

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2nd thing here to make me LOL today.

I am having chocolate for dinner because chocolate isnt just for breakfast.

I like Japanese cheesecake. Light and fluffy.

Japanese Cheesecake スフレチーズケーキ • Just One Cookbook

Basque cheesecake is light with a mildly caramelized top despite how the top looks scorched.

https://www.hummingbirdhigh.com/2021...heesecake.html

I'm drowning in shame, and ashamed about feeling ashamed. I don't know why exactly.

Some of it could be because I felt my T didn't believe me about a recent triggering bunch of events, and I shot back an angry and hurt email. She replied saying she's uncertain what I'm reacting to, and asking me (kindly) to try again to articulate it, so she can respond to me.

Other stuff too, I'm sure. I just don't know what.

Probably the tofu.

That sounds really scary...I hope everything checks out OK and that you can go home soon (and that you don't pick up any germs while there).

I forgot to update the couch! All tests normal. Released at 5 am. So almost 12 hours for a bandaid and a bunch of tests. I guess no news is good news.

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Glad to hear you were released and that tests were normal! Sorry you were stuck there for 12 hours though--ugh.

Wow, I am majorly grumpy this morning. Still no schedule from boss. I’m sick to death of these people at the VA who are incapable of getting anything done. Also I used a new face wash and it has caused an insane breakout, worse than anything I ever had as a teenager.

Happy effing Monday.

Glad you are okay. Sorry you had such a bad night though.

Thanks! I always forget about Trader Joe's. It's kinda far from where we live now, but I don't care, I'll be up that direction on Friday anyway so will add that to my list!

We were on the phones today until 2:35pm (and I get off at 3pm). So, almost my entire shift. It was not fun today at all. I got screamed at/cussed out on probably my 3rd call of the day. Thankfully the rest of the day I didn't get any more mean people, but I did get a lot of really weird stuff that taxed my brain. 55 calls total today and I'm kinda hoarse like every Monday this month that we've been taking calls. Thankfully overtime is voluntary now and I said no thank you to it today! I've had enough. Maybe I'll do an hour or two of OT tomorrow we'll see.... I'm gonna go make a cup of tea with a little honey and lemon to soothe my throat and then go watch some episodes of Mom that I recorded.

I just sat through some therapist's presentation about "realms of self" and mindfulness required at work of faculty leadership.

One of chiding German chair's redeeming attributes is the willingness to pass snarky notes with me during such presentations.

ETA: Darn, I should have asked her about that recent study that showed mindfulness could lead to excessive self-absorption.

Now my boss has told me what I'm doing for the first half of September, but nothing about the rest of the year. I asked her what I'd be doing after 9/15, I know she saw my message (WhatsApp sends read receipts), she didn't respond.

I'm about ready to cry. Last-minute cross-country plane tickets are expensive, and the longer she waits to give me the stupid schedule, the longer I have to wait before booking a ticket and the more expensive it's going to be. Plus, my BF is visiting this weekend, and saying goodbye to him on Sunday without knowing when I'm going to see him next is going to be awful. (Some of the places we work require us to take call from home or go in on the weekends, so I have to know when I'm scheduled to be at those places before I know when I can be out of town.)

I know that this topic isn't interesting to anyone but me; I'm just so freaking sick of my awful boss and the other fellows are probably sick of hearing me complain about it (though I bet they'd feel differently if *their* schedules/lives were being screwed with ffs) and if I don't vent some of this frustration I'm afraid I'll say something to the wrong person and make things worse for myself. This kind of absolutely terrible communication in a situation that matters a lot to me where I have no control makes me absolutely crazy. Pls do skip/block/ignore/whatnot if all this venting is annoying.

I understand the concept - I am not that way with chocolate, of which I am not that enamored, but I sometimes have popcorn for breakfast