Couch 231: Live Long and Prosper!

Argh, I'm annoyed with everything today. I bought a desk off of FB marketplace and the girl was 30 minutes late meeting me, and then couldn't disassemble it like she said she could so we had to wrestle it into my car. I was going to go hiking but it's super smoky/cloudy, plus I can't decide on a place. The damn fire panel alarm is going off in my apartment yet again so I couldn't take a nap. Then I had an appointment to get new tires (because I need to do that before getting my car's alignment fixed, which is a whole separate expensive annoyance) and went through all the rigamarole of finding the cheapest place (including paying for a Costco membership b/c the tires were so much cheaper there), making an appointment, and then getting there and having them tell me that they don't have a full set of tires for my car so they'll have to have them shipped which'll take another week. My damn program director still hasn't given me my effing schedule for the rest of the year (or my schedule for September ffs), so I can't buy plane tickets to go see the BF later in the fall. Plus my stomach hurts for no discernible reason, which always makes me grumpy. And I don't want to go back to work tomorrow. UGH.

That all sounds really frustrating, Chihiro. Hope you feel better and that your week gets better. And that you can get your schedule soon.

SD - i am declining an invasive procedure because of very likely iatrogenic outcomes. I would almost welcome simply a benign result.

Covid is my co-pilot right now: "I caaaant do that test / whatever, i might get covid!" So far they havent effed with me.

i like reading about freezing while im all snug in my bed. I do admire the length and strength and suppleness of their hamstrings. Mine are like the rubber bands you had on your braces in the 1960's. You could put your eye out.

My BF and I did a cooking date over FaceTime together (which was his idea) and it was super fun! We made chicken picatta (which he has cooked for me before but I’ve never tried to make myself). It was super fun and tastes amazing. I told him he was the best boyfriend ever and he said, “you are my best everything.”

I do not need postcards to sustain me when he comes up with other adorableness. He does care about me; I don’t need him to care about me in the exact same way that I care about him. Lesson learned. Hopefully I can hang on to this concept for a while before getting my panties on a twist about something else

Hi couch. Hugs all around to those who need/want!


H and I are back from our little vacation, we spent 3 days/nights in Jerome, AZ at one of the haunted hotels (Jerome Grand Hotel). I love old mining towns, I always find them relaxing places to be and Jerome is no exception. We both thought the hotel was lovely, it's an old building that used to be a hospital, still has the original elevator and some rooms have original tile flooring, and the call lights are still in the hallways, stuff like that. It's furnished with period (or period replica) stuff. We did a LOT of walking, it's a small town so you can walk everywhere. We did a 2 hour ghost tour one night which was super interesting, and had a lot of history of the town included. I had such a good time I didn't once open my laptop, which I'm not sure has ever been the case before on a vacation.


It was nice being there on Thursday and Friday without the usual weekend crowds, and then we either ate at off-times when the restaurants were mostly empty or just took food back to our room after the weekend folks got there. I feel like we did a pretty good job of balancing the need for being prudent with a pandemic still afoot and wanting to travel a little. I'm still not in any hurry to get on a plane, but driving and maintaining social distancing and stuff felt pretty okay this trip, we did mostly outside stuff. Our son and his gf came over and took care of feeding the cats and doing diabetic cats insulin, so that was helpful. They hung out here for awhile he said last night, cuz we still have free HBO from when we got direct tv here after our move so I guess they played with the cats and watched a movie.


Gonna take me a bit to get caught up on the couch I feel like I've missed a lot!

Aw, what your BF said is really sweet! Glad you had a fun evening. (And I know it can be difficult to hold on to positive feelings like that...)

Chihiro i loooove piccatta!

Artie i loooove old floors! While i was living back in my hometown, my favorite dept store had been turned into a medical clinic that i went to. But the floors and the stairs were the SAME! And the escalator. Indestructable! That was a special escalator. It was built like a tank.

Agnus Dei, qui tollis piccatta mundi,
miserere nobis.

THATS why i like it!

Chicken piccata takes away the sins of the world? That isn't what I remember from ccd class.
Of course I don't remember much except I thought it was all whacko. I did take a lot of latin.

Because God takes away piccata?

Translation: “Lamb of God, you who take away the piccata of the world,
Have mercy on us.”

This is really going to rewrite Church doctrine.

ETA: I wonder if lamb piccata is a thing?

I got the translation but I don't like chicken piccata, I want it to do something more if I have to endure eating it. god and her lambs can have all of it she likes.
I do like to eat lamb. Just the regular kind -not the god kind.
I am awake because both my dogs have some sort of stomach bug and one or the other has to go out about every 45 min or so.

Hi everyone, I got my test results back from the imaging center--no my doctor did not call me, not a shock--anyway the dr thinks it's benign. So that's good. I can move forward with my life now.

I feel really messed up today. I feel like relapsing. Even though last time I relapsed (4 weeks ago) I felt really stupid afterward and like that was dumb. I don't know. It's just stuck in my brain today. I think I'm stressed about stuff that is coming up and I'm just not processing it well. I don't know. I started out the day feeling okay but the longer it goes the worse I feel. I tried making a donation which usually makes me feel better and I'm going shopping after work for groceries for the food distribution this weekend, so that should get my mind off stuff. I think sometimes I'm just a screw up and I'm never going to make it in this world. Sigh.

I love it when other people say they know you will be okay when you are in distress. I don't even know if I will be okay. How can they possibly know that I will be okay? Argh.

Hugs, Kit, I'm sorry you're feeling so awful right now. Distracting yourself seems like a good plan.


I'm also glad to hear that your test results appear to be benign.

Thanks, LT.

I agree that that’s a super-annoying response, but I look at it like, “these people know me and they’re not influenced by the garbage I think about myself. They have faith in me. I’m going to trust in that faith and encourage myself to get through this.”

My regular psychiatrist wasn't around, so I had to see a substitute. Young chap, quite inexperienced, he kept leaving mid appointment for a lot of patients.

Including me. I felt really awkward because I was counting on my regular psychiatrist being around. She knows my T, and previously she'd told me to discuss with my T on if I should lower my med dose as it's suppressing alter communication and I'm way more dissociative etc. And I was going to talk about it...

Ended up having to tell the guy I've DID and about the decision and he was very very very not keen on lowering my meds. I was pretty insistent, had studies saved on my phone etc. He ended up going to find a more senior psychiatrist and the senior agreed with me.

I guess the diagnosis (along with the CPTSD, depression, anxiety etc) is scary? He was fretting about if I'd sui or SH and wasn't particularly convinced when I said I really really really haven't had SI or SH urges in a long time. I got annoyed (I'm not fragile) but reigned it in. Said I understand his concerns and I know how to keep myself safe and what to do if I can't. And he made me promise to go back up dosage wise if that happens. Not going to happen, but sure.

Hugs Kit, QM, and anyone else who needs/wants.

Management asked for volunteers to take calls in the morning the rest of the week, so I volunteered from 6a-8a each day. I must have a fever.

Navajo rabbit!

There are two sides to stepping into a grief advocacy space. The director of the bereavement organisation whose accessibility board I have just joined has just emailed me after I shared a link to my former blog with the members last night.

She would be 'keen' to share some of my writing on their site. I have come so close to tearing that whole thing down in the past, because of what happened.

I really don't know what to say. I feel like I should discuss with R, because it's in the past, but it's not the past.

Of course, I had planned to spend this week's session on other things.

Thanks @@

After I thought about it for a while and got over my initial annoyance, I thought about it kind of like what you said. I thought that she was saying she believed in me enough to know that I would get through it. I would be okay and she was having confidence in that outcome for me. She just didn't say it well. After I reframed it, then I wasn't as annoyed. I can't expect perfect responses from others when I don't have perfect responses myself!

I called and emailed my apartment management over the weekend about the fire panel alarm that goes off for hours at a time every few days. They have not called or emailed me back. They did, however, post a notice in my door that they’re going to inspect my apartment tomorrow.

Wtf? Are they, like, trying to find something wrong so they can boot me out and don’t have to hear me complain anymore? (I mean maybe this is just their initial inspection bc I moved in two months ago — they did tell me they were going to do a walk-through at some point.) Also, if they have the time to inspect my apartment, why don’t they have the time to fix the effing alarm?

Also I’ve never had an apartment inspected before — what are they even looking for? The place is clean and I don’t have an illegal pet or AC unit or whatever, so I figure I’m fine?

My apartment complex inspects everyone's apartment once a year. They're making sure the alarms work, water heater and air-conditioning work, no leaks or mold, etc. I don't think it jas anything to do if your apartment is clean.