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Comfy Sedation
Member Since Sep 2012
Location: the woods
Posts: 19,301
(SuperPoster!)
11 8,149 hugs
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#601
Quote:
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LonesomeTonight
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atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2
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Comfy Sedation
Member Since Sep 2012
Location: the woods
Posts: 19,301
(SuperPoster!)
11 8,149 hugs
given |
#602
In my experience, my delusions weren't really something I could say wasn't real and try to find out where its coming from. My delusions were very real to me at the time. I also didn't like when ppl would try to argue me out of it
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atisketatasket, MobiusPsyche
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,405
(SuperPoster!)
10 6,397 hugs
given |
#603
I have a lot I can/should be doing, but I have no energy for it. I'm really lacking motivation.
Btw - 18 days no smoking! __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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junkDNA, Quietmind 2, SlumberKitty, StressedMess
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,730
(SuperPoster!)
9 74.9k hugs
given |
#604
Wow, Scarlet, 18 days is great!
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SlumberKitty
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Quietmind 2, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
given |
#605
Great job Scarlet! 18 days is fantastic!
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
Quietmind 2, ScarletPimpernel
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
given |
#606
Well I wrote Individual IOP T an email explaining that it very much felt like a rejection even if she didn't mean it to. I told her how I was feeling and I managed to work out that there was some self criticism going on. She has a word for it but I don't remember what it is. Oh persecutor I think is her word. So I could tell I was being persucatory with myself. Sorry if that's not spelled right, it didn't come up in spell check. I told her I wasn't sure I would get through without self harm and that the threat of kicking me out of IOP wasn't working anymore as a negative to self harm since I won't be able to see her outside of IOP anyway. I didn't self harm though. I wished her luck on her test today, some sort of law and ethics test she has to take for her license. She's like still getting her 3000 hours so she is under a supervisor. I think maybe if I had come across her 5 years down the road she might not be so quick to get rid of me because she would have more experience. I think I scare her even though I certainly don't mean to. But today I looked online for therapists. I contacted one through Psychology today (left her an email) and then was contacted by a group that I guess that T belongs to so I filled out paperwork, told them what my symptoms/diagnosis are, and gave them my insurance information. They are supposed to match you with a therapist based on your needs. So we'll see if they get back to me. I'm supposed to see Dr. K next week but if I can get a new T lined up by then I'll cancel him since he is most unhelpful anyway. I also have the list of therapists from my insurance company so I can start contacting them if this other place doesn't work out. I'm still incredibly hurt by Individual IOP T even though Rationally I can probably see it's more about her and her lack of experience than it is about me. Doesn't stop me from feeling bad or feeling like it is all my fault or something. It doesn't stop me from wanting reassurance that I'm not this horrible disgusting person that she doesn't want to see. But I probably won't get that. The self loathing right now is palpable. I'm glad that I am taking steps to find a new T but I am loathing myself because T doesn't want me. It's like I can feel the rejection coming off of my skin.
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
junkDNA, LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail, NP_Complete
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Quietmind 2
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,217
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,753 hugs
given |
#607
Hugs/dignified head nods all around as appropriate. Lots going on up in the ol' noggin right now but precious little of it is making it into my journal. Oh well!
I want pizza. H and I ate at Screaming Banshee Pizza when we were in Bisbee and it was SO delicious. He was just saying today that he wants to drive down there again just to get pizza, it was that good. It's wood fired and super-thin crust. Yum. I was like hell yes, let's go back this weekend. It's close enough for a day trip (like 90 minutes) so why not? haha |
SlumberKitty
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LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,730
(SuperPoster!)
9 74.9k hugs
given |
#608
Hugs, Kit. I hope you're able to get a T soon from the new place.
You mention IOP T still being in supervision--it could be that her supervisor is the one saying she can't continue to see you, rather than IOP T making the decision herself. I'm not sure if that would help at all with the rejection feelings. |
SlumberKitty
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Quietmind 2, SlumberKitty
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,789
12 3,116 hugs
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#609
I'm sorry you're going through this, Kit. It sounds so painful.
If your T is still in training, then I can see both sides. You have finally found a T that you feel can help you, and she may be feeling stretched. However, that's no reason to make you feel rejected. I think it's probably more to do with where she would stand legally than anything else. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
SlumberKitty
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LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
given |
#610
Quote:
I'd cry if I did actually cry which I don't. I can feel the self loathing on me, coming up from within me. I can't help my history/symptoms but I feel like I am being judged based on my history/symptoms. So I feel like I am in a rock and a hard place. I am hopeful this new place will find me a therapist that will work for me and be fabulous. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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junkDNA, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, ScarletPimpernel, WarmFuzzySocks
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Quietmind 2
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
given |
#611
Quote:
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Quietmind 2
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
given |
#612
The new place that I contacted for a T got back to me and said that all their therapists who take my insurance are full but if I want to go self pay ($120 a session) I could do that. Sounds scammy. So I got out the list from my insurance company and I contacted one of the T's from there. I hope she gets back to me. I hate this part of looking for a T. Sigh.
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
Quietmind 2
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Child of a lesser god
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: Tartarus
Posts: 19,143
(SuperPoster!)
8 12.4k hugs
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#613
Quote:
Yup, I hate that part too. __________________ The secret to eternal youth is arrested development.—Alice Roosevelt Longworth |
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SlumberKitty
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LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
given |
#614
I don't think $120 is out of the question. I just think that they are bait and switching. Their whole premise is like, oh we'll help you find someone that takes your insurance and get you in fast. And then they are like, oh every one who takes your insurance is full. No asking if you want to be on a waiting list or anything. Maybe I am just jaded against therapists right now. But I need one ASAP.
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
LonesomeTonight
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LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,730
(SuperPoster!)
9 74.9k hugs
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#615
Quote:
I'm thinking that maybe they just don't have anyone who takes insurance available, so they want to try to offer someone. It could be that those who take insurance have long waiting lists as well. If that charge would be doable for you, it could be worth trying the therapist out who could see you. And then you could try to look for other ones who do take your insurance in the meantime. Or ask to get put on a waiting list there, too. |
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SlumberKitty
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SlumberKitty
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 34,722
(SuperPoster!)
12 1 hugs
given |
#616
Could you drive farther away if you found someone in person and you saw them on the weekend? Maybe give less money to your church/charities and spend it on your own health for a while until you are feeling better. Taking care of yourself instead of giving it away is not wrong.
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
ElectricManatee, MobiusPsyche, Quietmind 2, SlumberKitty, StressedMess
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 34,722
(SuperPoster!)
12 1 hugs
given |
#617
It is cheaper by just a little bit than what both the first woman and the second woman were charging. But they were in person with offices/overhead and they were grossly overpaid. I would find $120 a lot for online where all they need is a computer.
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
SlumberKitty
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Child of a lesser god
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: Tartarus
Posts: 19,143
(SuperPoster!)
8 12.4k hugs
given |
#618
Quote:
Could someone else at the IOP recommend someone? __________________ The secret to eternal youth is arrested development.—Alice Roosevelt Longworth |
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SlumberKitty
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: Usa
Posts: 3,068
9 589 hugs
given |
#619
Around here every psychiatrist and therapist in private practice is self-pay, do not accept insurance, etc. We are stuck with the county mental health clinic, where staff are overworked and underpaid, which leads to long waits between appointments and to quick turnover. My youngest has had 4 counselors in the past 12 months, for example. They bill my insurance $185 per hour. I'm not responsible for the full amount, but that makes me shy away from looking for private practitioners, because there's absolutely no way I can afford that.
Good luck Kit! Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk |
atisketatasket, junkDNA, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Quietmind 2, SlumberKitty
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,730
(SuperPoster!)
9 74.9k hugs
given |
#620
Quote:
I'm sorry you have to deal with that, especially with your youngest. It's worth checking into whether private, self-pay practitioners might have a sliding scale. My T does, for example, and I recall when I was looking for a potential new T in the past that many had it listed on their Psychology Today profile. Many T's build that into their pricing, assuming that they'll have a certain number of sliding scale clients (I asked Dr. T about it once). Also, know that those therapists definitely are NOT getting that full $185 from the insurance company--probably more like $50, if that. (It should say on your explanation of benefits from the insurance company.) So T's do better financially as self-pay, even if they have a considerable number of sliding scale clients. And you should see if your insurance offers any out-of-network benefits, as I get half reimbursed, even though my T is out of network (previous plan reimbursed 60%). |
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SlumberKitty
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Quietmind 2, SlumberKitty, StressedMess
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