Couch 233: Nothing’s Ghana Stop Us Now

cool whip

Hi Artie! I had a recent miscommunication with my T. He brought up the therapy goals we've met and some the progress I made. I immediately thought he was "getting rid of" me and I was not ready. Several unsent emails and a week later I walked into his office and blurted that out. He laughed and said he had just been reviewing my file because they're switching over the computer system. He wanted to congratulate me on my progress and share how proud he was of me. (His laughter was not mean - he knows me well)
So completely opposite situation, but still anxiety producing.

PS Usually a lurker, but no-one answered your cool whip so I did!

Hi Bug! Thanks for sharing. I like your avatar thingy, yellow's my favorite color! I appreciate your answering my cool whip! I'm feeling a little bit like Artie McNeedypants tonight. Haha

I think I'll go drum for a bit, that will help quiet the ol' noggin. Night, couchies.

Artie, I think the question of whether you're done with this T and whether you're done with therapy are not necessarily the same question. L has shown some sensitivity before to your reducing sessions (like the whole "put it on a credit card" incident), so it's not surprising that she feels uncomfortable or put out by your only coming once a month. And her thing about you not really doing therapy anymore might be accurate, if there isn't the continuity to "dig in," but so what? Your guilt about taking up space tells me that maybe you aren't totally "done" working on yourself. And if L is sort of implying that you're done (if she is?), it might simply mean that you have hit the end of what she can give you, not that your work is done.

I ended sessions with my current T by mutual agreement like nine years ago, and it was very calm for me. We both realized I didn't have things I needed her to help with right then and that I could just make occasional appointments if I wanted to. Then I came back once a year or so for the next several years as things came up until I eventually hit a place where I was really ready for transformative work (due mostly to a complete life upheaval). You seem much more anxious about this transition and sort of blown around by your emotions, which makes me wonder if there are fruitful things to work with there if the setting for working with them were different for you.

Sorry to just drop in but I feel super lonely. I had a text saying I've been in contact with someone who has covid, but everyone I've seen in the last 2 weeks said it's not them and I don't have the covid app and haven't scanned in anywhere.

It could only really be my therapist, but he's denied it as well. Not too bothered about myself but I have a 10 week old baby and I'm worried he will get sick. Been worrying for a few days and I'm so tired.

Thank you, EM. You're right, I'm so not done working on myself. And I am anxious about this transition partially (mostly?) because of the way she's acting about it. She told me that she wants me to be in charge of my process, she wants me to decide what I need the 'container' to be, etc but then goes and says things that to me sound like the complete opposite of that. I've tiptoed around this before and never did anything about it, but it sounds like it may be time for me to accept that whatever is coming up for me around this, is not something she can help me with like you said. Maybe because we're both too close to it or something; she's not as "on the outside" as she thinks she is. She has said straight out more than once that I don't need therapy anymore - but if I'm this anxious about the current situation it's obvious that's not true. Maybe that was just the only way she could say that she can't help me with this part. I don't know. This is unfamiliar territory for me and I don't know what the heck I'm doing.

You guys, I appreciate this discussion more than I can say. I just wrote her a short, concise (albeit tearful) email explanation of where I'm at right now and sent it, and it literally feels like a weight has lifted from my shoulders.

Hugs, Artie. I was thinking that an email or call might be a good idea--a month is a *long* time to sit with all this. I hope she replies in a supportive way.

Artie, what you said about the next part of your development only taking place once you have left therapy makes a lot of sense. It seems like a really powerful realisation - that regardless of when/how/why you end therapy there will be further growth and wonderment ahead. I find that idea quite grounding and reassuring, not least because it places the emphasis of growth firmly in you and not your therapist or the therapy.

I also want to say that I think what she said about the therapy being a container a very caring thing for her to say. I realise that this isn't how you received it and others here have agreed that you should have autonomy and choice (of course you should). But also, I found it thoughtful of her to want to protect the space (ugh horrible therapy cliche, sorry) for you. It seems like an attempt to take care with your process and be respectful of the therapy because it matters.

Try not to worry yourself too much, get some good food, try to relax and get your daily vitamin D and other vitamins somehow. Try to wear a mask when you have to see somebody, or try to do it virtually instead...


Are you vaccinated? By now it's been shown that it also reduced spread to some degree
other than that just try to be clean around him, I know that sounds easier said than done. If it's possible get him his necessary vitamin D too, I know early on my parents gave me drops, but I don't know what age that was, and sunlight if available.

Thank you, all of that really resonates. That's a good perspective on what she said about the container, and makes some of the other stuff that I have realized make even more sense.

Hugs, Lostislost. I hope you and your baby won't catch it. Maybe you got the text in error? I would certainly hope that at least your therapist would be honest with you--I'd think he could face potential liability issues if he lied about having it. And I'd also hope everyone you'd seen would be honest as well.


Did it give any sense of when the contact was? If it was a week or more ago, you're likely in the clear.

Thanks, LT. I don't really expect much of a response but I'm okay either way, it was enough just to send it. (For now at least)

just got off the family zoom call, it was ladies day haha me, my 2 sisters and our mom. My one sister got a new kitten, they named him Kreis (she said that's German for 'circle'). He's an adorable, tiny little thing, she said he's a lynx point siamese.

Thank you, it thinks I was in contact with them on monday. I am vaccinated, I had it when I was pregnant. Also been doing bit D drops for baby since he was born so that's good. Fingers crossed everything is fine and the text was a mistake like you said.

I am watching “Children of a Lesser God” for the very first time and omg is this movie offensive and patronizing to the deafhh.

Had a psychologically terrible thing happen. Want hugs. Never been so...so bad crisis. A huge raw trauma anniversary since I left my abusive family then... 2 of my closest friends tore fresh psychological wounds using what I have confided of my trauma.

And I find out I'm not the first nor will I be the last target and...deliberate or not due to their unresolved issues, these 2 are, yes, not caring who they destroy. Not hyperbolic - wish I was horribly wrong. Former victims verified.

I got extensive reality checks. Reached out to someone with significant counselling credentials and experience in pastoral care who knew them for a long time.

Don't want to go psych ward. Psych ward is terrible though I've never been. Talking huge abuse of chemical and physical restraints. Crowded, loud.

I'm dissociative so they'll tie me to a bad incase. My friend has DID and has seen that happen, experienced that, had people tell her.

Doing my best to stay safe. Asked my therapist's clinic to get me in earlier and informed my therapist.

Big hugs, QM, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this right now...

I understand not wanting to go to the psych ward. Is there anyone else you can reach out to right now who can support you, ideally someone local that you could maybe see? And I know not local, but could talking to your partner help?

ETA: Saw your edit. It's good you've reached out to your T and the clinic. I hope they can get you in soon.

It came out when you were born, right? It was groundbreaking in its time. Unfortunately, yeah some people are still there or want to go back to that time.

I think the movie made Marlee Matlin a star because everybody just liked seeing her beat up on William Hurt.

I was 8-ish. And it’s not even enlightened for its day. It just reenforces the idea that hearing people know better than the deaf/hh and goes right back to 19th-century oralist education that destroyed so many deaf students and tried to destroy Deaf culture.

It’s only ground breaking because ooohhh, deaf actress, not in its attitudes.

My graduation cap and gown came in the mail today. It doesn't quite feel real. Four more weeks.

Hi, yes LT. Thanks. Yes local survivor friend and the survivor friend who lives with me. Partner also been skyping with me.

Seeing my therapist in 1 and a half hours. Will go into clinic early just to wait, to be safer.

sending hugs, QM. I hope seeing your t was helpful and that you are still staying safe.

Hugs @@. I haven't seen that movie (so many movies I've never seen) so I'm not familiar with the story at all. I wonder now how Marlee felt about being in it.