Couch 233: Nothing’s Ghana Stop Us Now

LT - I agree with atisketatasket regarding private school tutoring after school. If you can afford it, there's a licensed one online who is able to help children in other states, or can refer you to the resources in your own state. I can private message you, if you'd like. She graduated from Harvard and helps children with their lessons and homework, homeschools, preps teens for their SATs and ACTs, and preps undergrads with their GREs, etc. She has also published books. I'm not sure how expensive she is, but if you can afford it, she does work with children with special needs.

If that doesn't work, I hope the school will find an assistant. That sounds like a great plan as well!

Hang in there. ((( safe hugs and wishes )))

After nearly 12 months and i dont know how many brands and types of kitty litter i have found one that my stressy cat likes and he hasnt peed in the laundry basket or other places around the house for a couple of weeks now..

I sometimes feel weird when my T speaks directly to a different part during our online sessions. But then the different parts inside feel better, which then make me feel weird before I feel better later. It's an adjustment to being co-conscious with alters. (((( ))))

Your T using a disability as an excuse is not really ethical or professional. T's who state their own life experiences and/or disabilities should only do so if it helps to benefit the client, not as an excuse for being inattentive, distracted, or otherwise lacking in areas that you might need during session. Furthermore, the licensing of mental health professionals sometimes includes disclosing their mental disabilities and adhering to standards for which therapists must have their disabilities under control and/or managed in some way so that it doesn't affect the nature of their job, the treatments they offer their clients, and/or harm. Based on these things that I've known about and/or read about, it would appear that your T is bordering on being unethical, not adhering to the state's licensing requirements, and affecting your treatment. There are many different T's who are good at their work, despite having a mental disability or otherwise. But that's because they have learned to manage their disability so that it doesn't affect their work in a negative way - operative word here is "negative." Sometimes disabilities could be positive, but it takes getting to know their clients/patients well enough beforehand, and it should benefit their treatment - not just the relationship themselves.

Your T might react defensively if you bring that up, so this is a tricky area. Most of the time, us peers would offer you advice on speaking with your T about those concerns. However, in this case, your T sounds like her ADHD is not managed well, based on her using it as an excuse during your session.

You have a choice to report her to the board, after first speaking with her about that. You'd then have to find a new T, because you wouldn't be able to continue with her if you report her to the board. Or, you don't report her, but you have an exit conversation with her and then find a new T on your own. Or, your don't waste your money and time on her, and instead, you have grounds to just quit and find a new T altogether. If she is being supervised by someone in an agency, you could report that to the supervisor instead of to the board, but then it might create conflicts for you to feel safe with any other T in that organization.

Honestly, if it were me, I'd find a new T.

Or, you know, it could be that atisketatasket asked a simple question and the therapist replied with a simple explanation.

Yes, this is how I look at it.

Also, as I said: it did not make her any less helpful.

OK, I heard back from one of the child psychiatry centers in my area that had been recommended both by Dr. T and my D's former school psychologist. We now have two appointments (one parents only, the other with D) with one of their child psychiatrists in early December. He has 20 years of experience, and ADHD and autism are two of his specialty areas. So hoping he will be able to help her. And I like that they do a parent-only session as part of the intake, too (we're doing that one telehealth, the other in person).

I hope they are helpful, LT.

H got back home at like 5am this morning, he drove pretty much straight through with the exception of stopping for the actual delivery, for gas, and food. I don't know how he does it. I would have spent the night over there somewhere! But he LOVES to drive, and he doesn't like spending part of his pay on a hotel, especially in Los Angeles so.... he said he listened to Howard Stern interviewing Paul McCartney, and said what an excellent interview it was. Apparently Sir Paul wrote a book about his lyrics, and h is like I want to read it! So I said well maybe I'll get it for you for Christmas. I just looked it up on Amazon and it's (gulp) $90!! Holy carp. Well, I have been working overtime lately.... and January overtime is coming too.... so I may just buy it for him. I'd love to read it too, I bet it will be really interesting. I see on kindle it's less, but h wouldn't want to read it like that. I would, I have tons of books on my kindle app!

Thanks, Artie!

Maybe see if there are any used options available via Amazon? They usually have a list of "other buying options" or something like that. I've gotten some used books in really good condition that way before.

Today is the day that ex Individual IOP T is having surgery. Sigh. I emailed her a prayer even though I know she won't get it before her surgery but she'll get it at some point, after. I didn't get an "out of office message" that I was anticipating getting and which she had when she went on vacation so I wonder if someone else in her office is picking up her emails, or if she didn't anticipate getting emails from clients. She did ask me if I wanted to to pray for her so I figured it was okay to email it to her.


I have an appointment with new Individual IOP T today which is the same one I saw when ex individual IOP T was on vacation. She was pretty good on the psycho-social-educational part of things so I am wondering what to bring up that would be helpful. I don't know how many days I have in program left currently, I did text message my case manager but he must be in a meeting because he didn't respond ASAP. I'm thinking maybe emotional regulation or distress tolerance because those are two areas I specifically came into this IOP wanting to work on.

Ex Individual IOP T (there has to be a better name for her but they both have the same initial) was working a lot with me on distress tolerance but not so much with emotional regulation so I am wondering if I should keep working on distress tolerance or try to work on emotional regulation now. So hard to know what to bring up when I don't know how many days I have to work on this stuff. Sigh.

That sounds promising. Best wishes for productive appointments!

The same neighbors that were moving furniture at 1:30 am the other night were up screaming at each other at 2am last night. Our apartment complex has a 24 hour security guard on duty so I called at 2:30am but others had apparently already called according to the guard. I can see why - they were screaming and swearing at each other at the top of their lungs outside. Ridiculous.

I opted for emotional regulation in therapy today. It was mostly a psycho-social-education appointment but it was still good. I learned a lot.

I'm going to be in IOP until 11.19.21 and then I will be in aftercare. So I made an appointment with a new T (guess I will call her new T) for 11.29.21 at 7 PM, telehealth. So I will have one week off but I will be in aftercare so it won't be like I have nothing. Aftercare is one night a week for a year.

So here’s something I honestly don’t know what to do with. Chiding German chair has been going around the past two weeks forming a coalition among various departments on campus (disability studies, speech & hearing) to launch a concerted effort to get my school’s administration to change the disability accommodations process for faculty and staff. It was already formed when I learned of it when she asked me to join. (Of course I said yes.)

I don’t know what to do with this, emotionally. First, I would not have expected her to do this (you all know she hasn’t always been great on this subject). Second, while I know plenty of supportive hearing or able-bodied people, I’ve known only one other person who thought they should be an activist about it and speak up, and that was my father, who died 20+ years ago, so that tells you how long it’s been.

My mind is having difficulty grasping that she’s doing this. I feel like I can’t quite trust it, and I keep wondering why she would bother. She has no horse in this race, she’s had to put scarce free time into it, it doesn’t get her anything.

It apparently just came out this month, so I bet it'll be hard to find used for a while. I checked Thrift Books and Alibris and didn't see anything cheaper than $90 either.

@@ - i had something similar happen when i was in an educational situation. I was on my way to being fired, but i was still brilliant, right? Anyway, i was kinda competing with a woman 20 years younger than me. So anyway, this younger woman started championing my idea or procedure or whatever it was - i never had any official approval, just the idea. Next thing you know, she's getting promoted or whatever for it.

So i would guess something similar in your case. She got the go-ahead from higher-ups. They put it in their plan, to get diversity points.

Oh, didn't realize it had just come out. Does it have photos or some other color element inside maybe? That would make it more expensive. From past experience working for a newspaper, color printing is quite pricey.

Had a mostly-good, productive session with L today but it kinda derailed there at the end and I got all defensive and snippy with her (some complex or other got activated, I could feel it, but was helpless to stop it for a bit). She'd asked when I wanted to schedule again and I was thinking out loud about how I've been debating on that because a week ago, I had briefly wished we'd scheduled for that day instead of today. She caught me completely off guard when she responded with something along the lines of (probably not exact words, it didn't 'sound' or feel like her at all, sounded like she was quoting someone else) 'This is a container with boundaries. You can't just call and schedule a session anytime you feel like it.' I snipped back at her something like 'well I didn't did i.' She said, "No, you didn't." At that point I was angry and thought **** it now I don't want to come back at all. But by then I realized it was a complex that had me and I knew if I said that, I would regret it so I said I want to schedule for 12/10. I was feeling rejected and like she was pushing me away.

On the way home I was thinking about it and I'm thinking that decreasing frequency messed with the dynamics of the relationship or something. I mean she's always, always, always harped on this being "a relationship". I have never before gotten a 'boundary lecture' but it felt like one today, with the "this is a container with boundaries" stuff. I'm not angry anymore, I've decided to look at this within the context of the past 10 years of doing this work with her, and just taking it as maybe some complex or other got activated in HER and she didn't catch it in time.

So anyway song lyrics come to mind right now.... "it's better to burn out... than to fade away...." Maybe she and I are at the point of burning out. It is a relationship after all, and any relationship can become subject to that. Much to think on before we meet again, that's for sure.

I had my gym bag in the car so I stopped on the way home and swam laps for awhile and that made me feel better.

eta: I wonder now something else - how much of my previous patterns with her are replaying here with this today?

I am very happy that I scheduled time off Sunday-Tuesday of this coming week! 5 day weekends are awesome. I am going to clean my house, starting tomorrow. H was sleeping most of today after having driven all night last night, so I didn't want to run the vacuum and stuff. I relaxed most of the day, other than grocery shopping this morning, L and the gym.

Hugs, Artie, that sounds really difficult... And it seems like, if she has the time available, there shouldn't be any reason why you couldn't just schedule time when you want it.

I wonder if she's maybe bothered (like countertransference perhaps) that you switched to going once a month? Not that you're at fault, because those decisions are up to you, but I wonder if maybe that she almost felt rejected or something?

Thanks LT, that's an interesting thing to ponder - that she might have felt rejected too when we first talked about my not needing/wanting to come weekly anymore. I mean I had such a fierce attachment to her for the longest time... maybe it is something along those lines as she's feeling me pulling away from her. But then again, aren't they basically supposed to work themselves out of a job with each client? I guess even if that's true, like she's always said it's a relationship and maybe they get attached to us, too...

You reminded me of something else she said during this - she did also say that I need to decide what I want that container to be. In my head I was snarkily thinking hello that's what I'm trying to DO right now. It's all good. I've done a little journaling about it this evening and I'm feeling better. Gonna let her deal with her, and I'll deal with me. And in December we can talk about the burning out thing.

I think it has Paul McCartney's picture in it?