Couch 233: Nothing’s Ghana Stop Us Now

So sorry you are struggling now with two T's - your ex-T and this new T sending you back to your ex-T. That doesn't sound right at all, unless your new T is unaware or forgot that you left your ex-T.

Either way, both T's sound like they need replacements.

Will you be able to search outside of that network of T's to find a different T on your own, such as through an online search somewhere? If you're in the U.S., you can try a few key phrases to find a T that specifically treats your disorder(s) and is in your area. You can then narrow that list down to those who accept your insurance or work on a sliding scale you can afford.

If you wish to speak with your new T about your concerns regarding the ex-T referral, you can (but you're not obligated to). You could simply terminate with your new T and start over, if you don't wish to speak about your ex-T, or you could ghost your new T altogether, or you could speak directly to your new T about your being terminated from your ex-T and that your new T's referral won't work. You could also discuss why you keep being terminated or pushed off from one T to the next, and if that's the case, to save time and copayment monies, there might be a better question up front to ask for a qualified T to treat you, so that you're not wasting your time and money, or theirs.

I've dealt with that with my DID and CPTSD conditions, and I felt really lost and without support at all. When I was suicidal in the past, it was extremely hard for me because the suggestions were to find a specialist for trauma and dissociation, and to seek professional help, when none of that was available. I kept wasting time and money on T's that would see me for less than 3 months before they decided to quit. It would have saved me all that heartache if they weren't trying to convince me that dissociative disorders don't exist or that I was "too complex" for them to work with or that my issues were more revealed later on, which they weren't aware of in the beginning. Well, given the nature of trauma-related disorders and variances of complexity, it would be helpful if a FREE phone interview would include such questioning, so as to avoid the pitfalls of money-hungry therapists who wind up giving up on you the moment they get a seemingly "easier" client they can see later. I fear that the therapy profession is more like a business (like the hospitals and HMOs and PPOs these days, with their decisions based on healthcare approvals and not what the patient truly needs - regardless of healthcare denials). It sucks that we're not treated appropriately all the time.

Anyway, it took me two decades to find a really good T to help me heal from all the bad T's I've had in the past. My current T is great, and I'm sticking with her for as long as I can before she retires. I'll then have to deal with what you're dealing with now. I'm so sorry.

If there's anything we can do to help you find T's in your area, let us know.

My exT was a really good fit for me and i have been struggling to find a T that i click with. I have never seen this T as she does online only and i dont have anywhere private i can do online sessions plus she is the only one in my area that practices the modality that clicks with me. There is just her and my exT and my exTs wife who practice it and exT and his wife wont see me again, ever. Apparently once you leave you cant go back with my exT.

Maybe discuss this with your current/new online-only T, just like how you described it to me/us. It seems that your online T has a reason to refer you out, since you don't have any private area to do online sessions, which might be an issue of ethics and seeking the best care for you. Perhaps you need in-person only, or at least accommodations outside, where there's fresh air but still privacy. There might also be separate patient-only rooms to do hybrid online therapy with a T in the other part of the building or a T working from home. Kind of like a private patient hub area for those seeking therapy but have roommates or other conditions that make it less private for them to do online.

Answer only if you feel comfortable, but what happened with your ex-T if she worked well with you but never can see you again?? That sounds mean and disheartening. It seems you liked your ex-T, but they didn't like you?? I'm confused.

Also, if you have roommates, could you ask your roommates to give you an hour of time to yourself? You can state that you are doing telehealth (you don't need to explain what it is for), and that you really need your privacy.

Update on my dog: I'm glad we made the right decisions. I'm glad I helped stop her suffering. My heart is still broken, but I'm just relieved we did right by her.

Its hard with pets. I am glad you are relieved you did the right thing.

I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. I'm glad you got confirmation about doing the right thing though.

I am confused too it was very confusing the last couple of years i do not know exactly what happened.

Do you have a dissociative disorder, meaning, do you lose time, experience blackouts that aren't caused by substances, hear voices inside your head (but NOT on the outside), envision intrusive thoughts as if they were happening in an "inside world" inside your mind, experience changing friendships and other relationships but don't know why, and/or find yourself in places or positions that you don't know how you got there in the first place - or why? Do you also tend to feel out of body experiences, like you aren't real in the world, and/or like the world isn't real? Any "yes" answer to any one of these questions could mean that you are dealing with a dissociative disorder.

If you haven't been formally diagnosed, join the "Dissociation Club." Unfortunately, it was noted a few years back that about 50% of mental health professionals, including trainers and professors, don't "believe" in diagnosing and/or treating dissociative disorders. This makes it harder for those with untold or revealed dissociative symptoms to get properly diagnosed and therefore properly treated by a therapist who does recognize the signs, assesses, and treats dissociation - or can at least refer out to a specialist (pursuant to their ethical guidelines about only treating disorders they are competent to treat and referring out to specialists when they lack competency in treating specific or complex disorders and comorbidities). If this is the case for you, you might want to get evaluated by at least a mental health professional (psychiatrist or psychologist) who can assess and diagnose you, and then later refer you to a talk-therapist.

If dissociation isn't what's going on, then you can explore if you are dealing with a substance-use disorder (i.e., addiction), paraphilic disorder (sex-related disorder), personality disorder (antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, avoidant, obsessive-compulsive PD - not to be confused with OCD, schizotypal, schizoaffective, etc.), etc. A trained psychologist or psychiatrist could help offer you a diagnosis or more so that you can then get a referral to see a specialist.

If you're confused about why the last therapist refuses to see you anymore, and then why the current therapist is unable to continue treatment with you, then ask directly. Ask why it didn't work out with your old T, and ask your new T why it didn't work out where that new T could still see you. If you can, ask your new T to find out why the old T terminated with you. Then discuss those things as you transition to finding a new T.

WRITE WHAT THE T SAYS DOWN, and use that to help guide you toward finding appropriate care.

Sometimes it could be a combination of many different disorders that lead therapists to believe that they are not competent enough to treat you, which is an ethical response. Sometimes it's a therapist feeling uncomfortable treating a client because of the therapist's biases, which is also an ethical response for the therapist to decline (so that they don't inadvertently harm someone for their own inability to professionally put aside their biases, such as religion and other culturally competent areas). Sometimes it could be that you don't recall doing something threatening or abusive to the last therapist, or you don't consider whatever the last therapist found threatening to be that at all (even though most people would consider it threatening). These are things that I am guessing off the top of my head, based on what you stated. I might be biased in these areas, since I have major distrust issues and CPTSD with DID, so other opinions might help better than mine.

Nevertheless, these should be discussed with your current T.

I do dissociate i know that. What i probably should have said but i forgot as i got a bit riggered by the memory was that at that time my exT got rid of a whole lot of clients at that time. I am have terrible memory problems at i dont think inwas good at therapy because i couldnt remember 90% of my childhood/early adolescence but i think when i said i dont remember he interpreted that as i dont want to talk about it which wasnt the case. And then when he asked i dont think i answered as i wasnt sure if i couldnt remmeber or didnt want to talk about it

I'm so sorry you struggle with memory problems and possible dissociation. Only a licensed professional can diagnose, but it sounds like you struggle with some things I used to struggle with years ago - that is, before I got a diagnosis and treatment.

I hope you are able to work things out with your current T and try to find a T who will see you in person where you're at.

You can also try doing a google search for dissociation therapists in your area.

Today is my last appointment with my individual T from IOP. I will get another individual T from IOP but this one is going on medical leave. I am sad to be losing her even if sometimes I left the appointments really upset or she would say something that was condescending. I got attached to her. In two stupid months I got attached to her. Now today is the last day. I am really sad. I know IOP wouldn't have lasted forever anyway and she wouldn't see me afterward (she is in training and felt I was too high risk--ugh). But it is sad that it comes down to today.

Getting my covid booster this afternoon/evening. Pfizer I think.

(((((safe hugs Slumberkitty )))))

Glad you are getting your booster today. Yay!

Sorry to hear about your last day with your T. Please self-care and know that there will be good T's out there for you to see in the future. It's hard to see now. But you can cope with support from us online here and I'm sure many other resources in your area, too.

What does "IOP" mean? I've seen that a lot lately on the threads. I tried looking it up, but then something about eye treatments or physics popped up. I doubt that's what everyone is talking about. LOL.

IOP = intensive outpatient

Ah, got it. Thank you!

I miss my intensive inpatient treatments from the trauma facility. I had a good therapist who saw me every single day for two months, and then again for a second round of two months as IP. I couldn't afford IOP with the Medicare copayments though. And now my 90-day max Medicare for psychiatric IP is almost gone. It's stupid that they put a cap on that!

Anyway, thanks for explaining.

Hugs, Kit. I know it can be really hard to part with someone, even if it's only been a couple months. I hope your appointment goes well. And your booster, too..

Kit - Try not to be too hard on yourself for your attachment. I knew I was attached to L after my very first communication with her by phone.

I'm crying over the loss of T.

Hugs to you, Kit...

Although I read the book back when I was a teenager, watching Hulu's 'The Handmaid's Tale' is really hitting a nerve. Instead of a cautionary tale, it feels more like something that could actually happen. Maybe I've just become paranoid.

Well the book is actually inspired by real events. One is a dictatorship in Argentina in 1970s, babies were taken from poor people and given to elite. Many people still search for their lost family members. Then there were other reproductive health issues and control over women and their bodies all over the world, child marriage, sex trafficking etc.

Although it might not happen in all entirety, similar things did happen and are happening and could happen

Yes it’s very scary

I read Atwood’s sequel, “The Testaments,” last year. That one uses some real events from the Middle East (executions of women in stadiums, for instance). But on the whole, it is a much more hopeful book than the first one and the TV series, if that appeals.

Well, I mean, looking at some of what has happened in the past few years...it makes sense that you'd feel that way. I suspect reading 1984 now would have a similar effect, especially with all the technology that exists.

If you haven't read it, I highly recommend Atwood's The Blind Assassin.