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#176
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Thank you. I didn't yell at her or anything, I just hung up without waiting for her to say ok or goodbye or whatever. I instantly wished i hadn't right after I did but it was too late. I was just not wanting to waste any more time because she was acting like she couldn't help me. So it's elements of both. I feel bad that I disconnected the call like that, but you're right, it's not like I just hung up in her face or called her nasty names or anything. I said it's ok, nevermind or whatever first. So maybe it was just an unfriendly interaction and she's not going to take it any farther. I'm always afraid that other people are going to get me in trouble. That just never goes away it is so ingrained. I dunno. I definitely was brought up the same way to apologize for everything including my existence.... Although I suppose if she does take it to my supervisor I can always claim side effects from the covid booster made me do it ![]() Last edited by ArtieTheSequal; Nov 07, 2021 at 05:07 PM. |
![]() LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, SprinkL3, unaluna
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![]() Quietmind 2
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#177
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Congratulations, EM! (Thanks for the new word - haven't come across that one before.)
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
![]() SlumberKitty, unaluna
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![]() ElectricManatee
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#178
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Hopefully not until the end of next month!
![]() Thanks! And I've mostly heard it in reference to fish that are puffy from being full of eggs, but it seems somehow appropriate to my current state. |
![]() SlumberKitty, SprinkL3, unaluna
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![]() LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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#179
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Quoting myself cuz it's too late to edit that post. I noticed that I also have a swollen lymph node in my left armpit (same arm I got the shot in Friday). I've read it's nothing to worry about but it's a little painful. So probably was contributing to me being irritable at work today! I'm only mentioning it so that if anyone else is going to get their booster soon they will be able to plan accordingly... the most uncomfortable of my side effects from this one didn't start until the next day, like 24 hours or more after. I thought about calling in sick today and now I wish that I had. Oh well. Nighty night couchies, I'm toddling off to bed now.... gotta be up early |
![]() LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty, SprinkL3, unaluna
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#180
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![]() LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, SprinkL3
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#181
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I'm thankful to be Asian and in Asia because I have been stalked before. Not as dangerous as potentially being a victim of hate crime...not equating that. Just saying that kind of vigilance while walking about takes a huge toll. Model minority myth definitely can trigger so much shame. The belief that you'll work hard and are smart and that harsh parenting produces good results. When it stunts ability to learn and grow psychologically and can leave many many many deep wounds. I feel a ton of shame looking at how not ok I am due to CPTSD and DID. How I'm so far behind my ordinary peers. How I've never done well academically and in anything I'm a failure in life with health problems. Religious/Spiritual abuse is painful - I'm still really hesitant to talk to my T about it. I've 2 alters from the religious abuse, and while I've nothing against religion or spirituality, I'm really afraid to talk about it. I don't mind being an adult, because decades of abuse from before 4 or 5 sucks... but I do wish I had a different childhood so I might not have the difficulties I have now. Sorry I'm rambling. I just want to say I relate some. |
![]() ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, SprinkL3, unaluna
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![]() SprinkL3
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#182
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![]() Having tough parents are hard, especially when we don't live up to their standards. My parents don't believe my mental illness at all. I think that hurts the worst. But I survive. Thank you for understanding and relating. ![]() |
![]() LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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![]() Quietmind 2
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#183
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Whenever it happened, (before I fled my family), my parents would scold me. Like I wanted to deliberately faint? Stuff about how I didn't drink enough water or water or eat enough food. Seems like an Asian thing lol - yell and lecture based on completely illogical stuff. I keep my mental health issues a secret from my parents, since they're the ones who gave me them, along with other abusers. My father did suspect I had depression but yeah, it just meant he lectured me for 3 hours about how I'm pathetic, weak, a useless adult child, a failed investment. On and on. It definitely hurts that they don't believe you. I think we never really ever "grow out" of the longing to have supportive parents? It hurt badly when I left - I lost my family and my extended family. Even though I've always felt painfully lonely, I guess it really hurt to see them all choose my parents and the older siblings who abused me. Having moved out, life is easier, though I struggle a lot still. But like you, yeah, I survive. It's OK to take your time to reply or not reply (saying in case you've social anxiety issues like me) -- I've been on these couch threads for a while, including on my old deleted account. Sometimes folks continue the conversation on the next Couch thread since each Couch thread gets locked after reaching some limit. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Hey Couchies - do any of you remember when is the existing thread locked and the new one started? ![]() ![]() ![]() |
![]() ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, SprinkL3, unaluna
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![]() SprinkL3
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#184
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QM - A thousand posts.
If you look on the index pages, you will see that the max post count on long threads rarely exceeds 1000 posts, or not by much. |
![]() SlumberKitty, SprinkL3
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![]() LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2, SprinkL3
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#185
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![]() Your childhood sounds like my childhood. I was in and out of the hospital as a child, but for stomach-related illnesses. I think I had food poisoning once. My acne turned black. LOL. I rarely received comfort or praise, and I was abused by my uncle and father. My mother was emotionally neglectful, as was my dad. Anyway, I'm dealing with all this the best I can. Hopefully I figure out what is causing my new vertigo symptom. What is the lockout thing at 1000 posts? |
![]() LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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![]() Quietmind 2
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#186
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The downside of apartment living: neighbors upstairs decided to move furniture around at 1am!!! 1 freaking am! Now they are quiet but I am wide awake. I have to get up at 5am for work and not sure whether to try and go back to sleep or not.
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![]() junkDNA, LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty, SprinkL3, unaluna
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#187
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I feel like i am boring research subject, a research company rang me ro do a social media survey they asked me what devices i had and then asked me questions about my phone i dont have any apps on my phone i use my phone for phone calls only and the guy didnt seem to know what to do next so after an long pause he just wrapped it up.
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![]() ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty, SprinkL3, unaluna
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![]() LonesomeTonight
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#188
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My lymph node under the collarbone on the side where I got the shot stayed swollen for like 2 weeks after each one! I tend to have reactive lymph nodes though, ever since I had mono in college. It wasn't particularly painful though, just noticeable. I hope you feel better soon, Artie, and that your apology gets acknowledged and accepted. |
![]() ArtieTheSequal, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty, SprinkL3
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![]() ArtieTheSequal
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#189
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Meeting Dr. T in person outside again today, as it's unseasonably warm in my area, like high in mid-60s (F). Hoping we don't run into ex-MC this time, though I think I'd deal with it much better if we did, as the ice has been broken, so to speak. Still, would prefer he not be there!
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![]() SlumberKitty
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![]() junkDNA
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#190
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Thanks LT. I don't think I've ever had the ones under my arm swell before just the neck ones. I guess that's why it's bothering me more than it should, cuz it's a 'new' thing. Or something. Or I'm just being a big baby. Ha ha! No acknowledgement of said apology yet. Oh, well. I'm working on just letting it go. |
![]() LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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#191
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Outside with Dr. T went well. I was able to get a table on the side of the building and sat with my back to the parking lot, so was able to put ex-MC out of my mind (aside from a few minutes of discussion about him). Went well, stayed with topics like local real estate (including our own experiences in it) early on, plus a bit of stuff about D, but nothing overly deep. But the last 15 minutes, we had some discussion about our relationship, plus a bit about ex-MC, and I think it was very productive.
Amusing moment: I said how I felt like ex-MC was different in therapy than he likely was in everyday life. And how I got the sense from what he's said that Dr. T is basically the same in real life as he is as a therapist. Dr. T (laughing): "Yep, I'm just as obnoxious in real life!" |
![]() Daffydungle, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty
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#192
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I'm glad you got to have an outside session and that it was productive. And that's funny about Dr T saying he's just as obnoxious in real life. I so enjoy when humor comes into a session. Laughing with L about, well, anything really is always so good for my soul. |
![]() SlumberKitty
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![]() Daffydungle, LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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#193
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Ordering groceries online sure cuts out the impulse buying even though i always shop with a list. I was wondering why my groceries were cheaper then i realised i wasnt buying the expensive vegetarian stuff for my daughter as she and her boyfriend are buying their own groceries.
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![]() SlumberKitty, SprinkL3, unaluna
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![]() LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel, SprinkL3, StressedMess
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#194
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Dear Couch People,
I hope you are are doing well and having a great week so far! I'm sorry if I'm not able to keep up with all the new posts, but it's an interesting thread! ![]() And congrats to all those who got their boosters! I got mine about 10 days ago (Moderna #3, full dose; wasn't as bad as Moderna #2). I think I read a lot of postings about boosters lately, so I just wanted to briefly respond to that here. If I missed a reply from someone, my apologies. I'm totally okay with people tagging me, so that I'm alerted of responses. It just takes me a while to go back and review the places I posted so that I can keep up with any replies, LOL. Hope there are some people here for the holidays. I'm alone every holiday, so it helps to connect with others in the same boat (or in this instance, on the same couch). |
![]() SlumberKitty, unaluna
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![]() LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2
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#195
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I'm now prediabetic, so I have to adjust my diet. I just purchased three cookbooks (obesity code, diabetes code, and Dr. Gourmet's GERD/Acid Reflux) and have to look up the FODMAP online. I plan on cross-referencing all three and then making a master grocery list and meal plan for every month. For now, I'm trying to eat up what I have in the apartment and also see what I can either donate or store for about a year, just in case of another store/delivery shortage in the future. I like vegan and vegetarian meals, even though I'm neither a vegan nor a vegetarian. I just prefer their low-cal, low-carb, low-fat, low-sodium, low-cholesterol, low-gluten, and low-sugar/fructose meals. Not all of them are healthy, but many of them are great supplements for processed foods or fresh red meats that can cause health problems when eaten in excess. I learned that the hard way, even though I was more in survival mode during the beginning of this pandemic. ![]() |
![]() Daffydungle, SlumberKitty
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![]() LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2
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#196
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I also buy most my groceries online. Started it because of Covid and now find it easier. I do have to go to the grocery store every once in awhile when online doesn't have something.
__________________
"Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
![]() SlumberKitty, SprinkL3
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![]() Bugtussel, Daffydungle, LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2, SprinkL3
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#197
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I am so tired and in so much pain. I spent 4 hours yesterday cleaning out all of my dad's junk in the garage. We're giving it back to the apartments to save $150 a month. We threw out 3/4 of a dumpster worth of stuff. My sister took like 15% to keep or sell, and we have another 10% to go through in the apartment. Today I went through one box of stuff, and that alone took me 2 hours. I hate taking care of everybody. I don't mind sometimes, but for everything...
We're going to try to get my dad on disability, and then I can claim that I'm his caregiver. That income will help us a lot.
__________________
"Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
![]() ArtieTheSequal, junkDNA, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, SprinkL3
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#198
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I am sorry you are struggling with pain and all the things you need to do to care for your dad. Hopefully your dad isn't a hoarder in the clinical sense of that word, but it sounds like he had collected many things throughout his life. Have you discussed this with him, and is he okay with you giving his place a good cleaning? If so, that's great. If not, hopefully you can explain to your dad that there are healthier options for him to enjoy than filling his home with unnecessary stuff. Hopefully those donated items go to good use. I donate about twice a year. There are things that I purchase that I realize later that I don't need. What has helped me is having a storage space to organize things in before I donate. I also use my storage space to place things in when I want to deep clean my apartment (from ceiling to floor, literally). I use Swiffer and Scentivia to clean my ceiling and walls (they disinfect and clean at the same time). I also use those to clean the baseboards with (but bending down is a b-****). In your case, since you have a house you are trying to clean out, you could temporarily rent a moving truck to place everything in, keep all the donation items in the garage until people have come by to pick them up, and then clean the entire house (or hire professional cleaners) to deep clean - even behind the stove and fridge and other appliances. If you have time and money, you could also repaint the walls inside the house. That way, it'll be like having a near-brand new home you're moving into. Then, you can bring in furniture one by one and clean it. You can also clean all the linens and clothing you bring back into the house. Once you got the final items back into the house, you can recycle or donate the boxes, bins, and/or plastic bags you used temporarily. It's just an idea to get ready for your new caregiving career. I'm hoping your dad is really glad you are his caregiver. It would be nice to get paid, and hopefully they will pay you! It's unfair that many family members don't get paid enough, as it really does help out the economy, in my humble opinion, when family cares for each other, as opposed to leaving it up to non-filial caregivers. The only exception is when they need 24/7 care in a nursing home, which is the most hardest thing for most family members to deal with. Those places are petri dishes, but it's more cost-effective than hiring professional nurses 24/7 (most people can't afford that, and no insurance will pay for that). |
![]() SlumberKitty
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![]() ScarletPimpernel
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#199
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My dad actually lives with me and my H. My dad isn't so much a hoarder, just a slob. Most his stuff is junk (old bills, tiny parts, trash, old supplements, etc.). We kept all the good stuff (i.e. crystals, watches, electronics, etc.). I do all the cleaning, make sure he has food/meals, take him to appointments.
It's the fact he's a slob that bothers me. Actually, it's probably more that I don't get any appreciation for the work I do.
__________________
"Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
![]() Daffydungle, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, SprinkL3
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#200
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The T i have been waiting for to get in person sessions has referred me back to my exT should i email back a tell her the situation re the parts that wanted to terminate and the confusion about why i went to see other therapists but ultimately wanted to continue and me trying to get back but him saying that that once i am terminated thats the end or should i just say he was my T once and said it cant go back to see him and leave it at that.
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![]() LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, SprinkL3, unaluna
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