Couch 236: NY PS Langston Hughes

..... of course, I've been nibbling on peanut m&m's this morning, too. heh

thank you so much everyone. I’m heading into work so I can’t go through all the replies individually rn, but I appreciate all the support. I’m so conflicted. Now I’m having second thoughts about leaving. If I do leave though, I’m going to take everyone’s advice and contact a dv agency for help—I know there’s a really good one close by so I’m lucky for that. The reason I haven’t contacted one yet is because I’m a little afraid they’ll look at me like I’m ridiculous for using their resources since he doesn’t put hands on me.

edit to add I definitely read each reply, what I meant is I couldn’t reply to each one individually, just wanted to make that clear! I’m def reading all your responses!

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I’m sorry they weren’t helpful. I’ve called multiple times and it’s hit or miss but I guess I’m lucky because I’ve had more helpful ones than not. I actually called last night and got a bad one too—maybe we talked to the same person

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Had a really awful session Friday that left me angry with my therapist. I'd had a work thing Friday morning where my team went into the office to clean out our desks in preparation for more permanent WFH.

Got to session and he asked about it. I said it went fine. He started asking me questions in what felt like a confrontational manner. I responded in a defensive manner. It's like he didn't want to accept that it was just "fine". I mentioned twice that I was anxious before going in, then he asked me if I had been anxious. I responded that I'd already told him twice that I had been anxious. I asked what he wanted to hear. At some point he said he felt like he was in a Twilight Zone episode. At another point I mentioned that my teammates could have chosen to not WFH, but done a hybrid plan. So then he decided to ask if that was like when I felt him quitting being a therapist had to do with me, insinuating that I took it personally when my coworkers chose to WFH. It took some courage to tell him that sometimes it does feel personal that he's leaving. I feel really stupid for even thinking that and it felt like he slapped me in the face trying to compare him leaving to my team WFH situation.

Finally after about 25 minutes of this, I said I don't want to talk about work anymore. He asked me if he could ask another question about my coworkers. I said no. He started to ask something else and I again said no. Considered leaving at that point because I was feeling really irritated with him. We spent a few minutes in silence while I tried to think of something else to talk about. A few minutes before the time was up, he asked me a final question, something like who was I happiest to see that morning, my coworkers toddler? I just said "I guess", got up and said I'd see him Monday.

That last question pushed me over the edge into actual anger. Once I got home I sent him an email with the subject line "No is a complete answer". I don't think I said anything horrible to him, but I think he knows I'm angry. He didn't send me an invoice this weekend, but he also didn't respond to my email at all, which has just made me feel even angrier. I want to just ghost him today.

I just now checked my email and he's finally responded. I'm not sure this helps quell my anger or not. Sorry guys, I needed to vent about this.

First time ever I emailed T something because it was just a bit too long to text and because I can't really talk about it during my phone or Zoom sessions as my parents can hear my end of the conversation. I wanted to tell her about my Mom and how she was rather harsh and hard on us children when we were little but how that is not the person she is now. We have a good relationship now but I was scared of my Mom when I was a child. (Rightly so.) So I texted her to tell her I had emailed her. I also asked her if she wanted to Zoom or do a phone call tomorrow. I don't know if her dentures are fixed yet. (She did have them at the dentist but I guess they weren't fixed right and she has had a lot of trouble with them "slipping" for some reason. It is weird seeing her without teeth but it's not the worst thing in the world. I don't mind a phone session if she doesn't have her teeth.) Now I am waiting for T to respond to me and not sure if it was okay to email and that whole general "waiting" sense that is always so difficult!

HUGS NP_Complete (if wanted). What your T did would have really irritated me! No is a complete answer. He should have gotten that! I'm sorry that the session was so frustrating!

Hugs if wanted, NP. It really sounds like your T had his own agenda there and wouldn't pull back when you wanted--he really should have stopped talking about that topic when you asked. I completely understand your leaving and may have done the same. And I get why it bothered you that he compared your coworkers opting to work from home to his leaving--I'm sure they're very different things in your mind, and he should have comprehended that. I hope your session today (?) goes well and that he properly apologizes.

And no need to apologize for venting....

I'm sure they won't think you're ridiculous. Abuse can come in many forms. From what you've described on this site, they'd definitely take you seriously. Hugs if wanted....

I'm trying to put into words why something is bothering me but can't figure how how to say it (or at least how to say it in a way that might make sense to my T).

So Dr. T had talked about potentially returning to in-person sessions in the middle of this month, which would be next week. I asked today, and he said he's decided to push it back to the end of the month, in part because the one client who he said is maybe even more careful than me in terms of Covid, and who is immunocompromised, just had to cancel today because he got Covid and was too sick to meet virtually. So it spooked Dr. T a bit. That's the part that's bothering me in terms of how to explain why it bothers me that he's pushing things back due to another client rather than, say, if a friend or relative had gotten it. (He said this client likely would have stayed virtual anyway.)

The other element is that he's partly waiting until the end of March because he's going away for a long weekend, so may as way wait until after that. Which, in my head, brings up that he doesn't feel safe meeting clients in his office, yet feels safe traveling? (I don't get the sense he's just, say, going camping in the woods.)

But I think I can explain that part OK in talking to him about it. It's the element about the other client. If that would bother anyone else, could you articulate why? It's like I knew what is emotionally, just struggle putting it into words.

Maybe because he's comparing you with another client and is basically saying he doesn't trust you? And he's okay with going out into the world, but not okay with meeting just with you? That's how I would feel anyways.

Thanks, Scarlet, that's a good way of describing it. I think the seeming lack of trust is part of it. And his being OK meeting with others, but not me. Maybe that second part just highlights how I'm not part of his outside life, too. And that maybe he'd be willing to take risks for others, but not me (or other clients).

T accidentally video called me. Ha. That was interesting. She said she got a new phone so I guess she didn't know how to work it. We are going to do a phone appointment since T's dentures are at the dentist again until Wednesday. So that's tomorrow. She said she would read my email.

Going to get my hair done on Wednesday

Hugs to all who want/need.



Oh my. I was wrong when I said concurrent chat wasn't as bad as I'd feared. It was okay this morning. But this afternoon for about an hour or so it was back to back to back to back concurrent and at one point I felt like I couldn't breathe and had to reject one. We are allowed to occasionally reject a chat thankfully (when we reject it just goes to the next person in line), but we have to immediately send the info to our Sup of when we did it and why. I did make it through the entire day rejecting only that one. I don't know if I am going to be able to do this or not. My shoulders feel like they are up around my ears. I think my brain may be too old. Well, tomorrow's another day. We shall see.

Artie is having wine for dinner.

Great! I tried to get an appointment today but the place I want to go is closed Sunday-Monday, so I will call tomorrow. I'm looking forward to getting mine cut/styled. I want something different, fresh, young....

I want to keep the fullness, but lose a little of the length, and have actual bangs. Hopefully the stylist will be able to interpret that into what I want!

I just remembered... some DV places allow text chat if you can't call. It proved useful when I was stuck with my family in a lockdown back in 2020.

Ugh, I'd be so frazzled. 1 chat is enough in a call centre setting. 2 concurrent sounds terrible for quality of work.

I've never worked in a call centre but I know it's super fast paced and that would be exhausting even if I had the brain for it.

Hopefully!

I went to the govt dentist this morning i had an 8 am appointment and the said to turn up 20 minutes early for a covid test i turned up and they dont open til 8 am so a few of us who turne dup early jad to wait outside in the heatwave. By the time they checked everyone in and processed the covid tests the dentist didnt have time to do any work on me except xrays. So now i have to go back next week not treally happy about that.

Ugh, that sucks, I'm sorry.

Same, I don't think I could manage even regular calls, let alone concurrent. I could probably manage regular texting replies (again, not concurrent).

Artie, don't you work for something medical or insurance based? If so, I'd think with a concurrent chat, there would be a risk you could reply to the wrong person and potentially give out protected health information. I wouldn't think your company would want to risk it.

I see it from the point of view that he just realized that it is not as safe as he thought. Whether the other client would be in the office or not, your T was awakened to the fact that someone who is super vigilant still got Covid.

As for his travel, that may have been scheduled a long time ago. Your T is in control of how careful he is when he travels. He can't control what each of his clients do and he will be the one in the room with them and has to take the risk of catching Covid.

Another point of view would be that he realizes he may catch Covid on his trip and has decided to be sure he was safe and well before possible subjecting his clients to Covid.

I know you are disappointed and I know you have said in the past that you would rather believe in hope and enjoy the good feeling of something to look forward to, but you also have to be prepared for the let down as painful as it is. I can totally see his logic in deciding to hold off. He has to make his decision based on many factors including his family, his health, and the well being of ALL of his clients.

You guys I forgot to tell you! I'm so excited! It's not Hawaii, but h and I are going to go visit one of my good friends on the Oregon coast, in July to celebrate my 60th birthday!!! She posted some pics of the ocean near her the other day, I texted her how beautiful they were and how much I need that view in my life and next thing I knew we were making plans for H and I to fly up there in July for a few days to visit her and her hubby! Her bday is in July too so we'll actually be celebrating both of our birthdays. We're going on July 7th (well, assuming I get the PTO approved, which I'll know on Wednesday of this week, the calendar is empty so I likely will). It's the ocean, which is enough for me! I can't wait to see her. I haven't seen her since the summer before the pandemic started. We've been friends since 1988.

Hugs, LT. I think I kinda get how you feel. different, but sorta kinda similar in a way. so after the pandemic started and after L had been sick and got better, after doing virtual sessions for awhile at one point I'd seen her in person with masks and distancing but then she suddenly reversed herself and went back to virtual, but the email she sent to tell me she was doing this was very obviously a blanket form letter that went to all her clients, and it felt terrible receiving such an impersonal notice that obviously went to all clients. And i reacted very badly to it as I recall.

Thanks, Artie. Maybe part of it here is the fact that he has to make the same decision for all clients, too? That it feels very generalized? He can't be like, "Well, you're being generally careful, LT, come on in!" Because that wouldn't be fair to his other clients.

It also doesn't help that he mentioned how some of his other clients aren't so careful, and, besides me, they're the ones more likely to resume in person. So maybe a part of me is a little concerned about them as well? And while part of me is glad he's being honest, part of me doesn't want to think about them either.

I suppose it ultimately comes down to not thinking this would still be a concern 2 years later, especially after vaccines came out and everything. I just worry it will go on forever at this point. I mean, I imagine it will always be out there, but I mean in the sense of it continuing to be a day-to-day risk vs. something like the flu that's at least seasonal.

So, as I mentioned to him today, it's not really just all about him and in-person sessions. I think I'd been using it as a sort of barometer to safety in general. And even though the majority of people I know seem back to life as usual (myself *not* included), it's like if he's still virtual, that suggests that it's not OK or safe.