Couch 236: NY PS Langston Hughes

I've had the urge the last few days to get my hair cut, thinking about getting bangs again - made pretend ones last night with a ponytail folded over haha and I actually like how it looks a lot. We shall see!! There's a salon near my house that I've heard good things about so I may go there, at least for one haircut, even though they cost more than like Great Clips or something. I can use some of my overtime $ that I'm still adding to. Yes, the overtime is continuing this week....


Hugs and head nods all around as wanted/needed/appropriate.

Go for it artie bean. A good cut is worth it.

I'm gonna. Just gotta get an appointment but they're closed today so I'll call tomorrow.

I’m sorry he seemed to take her side, that had to be so frustrating. I can understand why you’d be hesitant to ever bring it up again.
I completely agree that it can still be abuse even when done by a child. While the child might not be as aware of what they’re doing (in some cases), the damage is still just as real. Just like children are capable of aggression and even murder, they are capable of sexual abuse. Coercion, lack of consent, and all sorts of other things are still very real regardless of age.

I don’t blame you for skipping that dinner. I can imagine you’re feeling all sorts of things right now after the conversation, all of which are valid.

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I cut about 2 inches off my hair last night. It was hanging on my neck and making me hot and driving me nuts. Now it is just past my earlobes. It looks so peppy!

is anyone else no longer able to see who thanked them on here?

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Sending you love. I've gotten that "but he was a child" excuse from folks, including a counselling intern. It doesn't matter if your abuser was a child. You were harmed. That's all that matters.

Nope, I have to go down to the aid office. Doesn't matter if its just food, my last application got denied despite how my bank statements show I only spent on necessities. Too much savings, although it's absolutely impossible to live on the $/month they expect me to live on.

Yup, I've a copy of my renting contract. I shouldn't purchase a new lock without my landlady's permission because the lock is the flat front door's.

i'm sorry he said that, lemon. if he was gonna take sides it should have been yours. I don't think you're being dramatic.

Okay, I now have the experience to say that calling ot texting a hotline is useless.

Five minutes with the worst therapist I’ve ever seen would bave been more helpful.

Hey everyone..I’m thinking about leaving my husband (at least for a few months) and I’m super scared. There are so many unknowns. I also need to figure out if I could take my dogs, because I’m not going without them—not long term anyway.

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Hugs if wanted. I've never found a hotline helpful either, sad to say.

Is there a dog boarding place you could take them? Or maybe a domestic violence agency might know a place?

well he wouldn’t hurt the dogs, so they’re okay staying with him for a few days or maybe a week while I just get out the door. I’d spend that time trying to find a place where me and the dogs can be together. Maybe I could split time with the dogs with him once I secure a place to stay where dogs are allowed? All the possibilities keep spinning in my mind. I’m worried about staying in my car because where will I shower, or even use the bathroom?

I just feel like I can’t stay here one second longer. I’m even tempted to just pack tonight and get out, but I don’t think that’s a good idea. I have to figure out if I wanna talk to him about taking time apart or just pack while he’s sleeping and leave with no warning.

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Since you're fearful (saying this because I fled a abusive living situation recently myself)...and that it's difficult for you to decide what's best, it might help to go to a DV agency for a plan and information. Put your safety first.

Leaving is the most dangerous time, especially if he learns you want ro leave.

For me, it wasn't with a partner but my family and then my former landlady but I had no pets so both times, I packed and fled.

Even with an agreed upon "end date" just over 1 week later (to move into my next rental place) with my former landlady, she drastically ramped up her abuse to the point that I left early.

Showers, I dunno.

I typically used toilets in public libraries but had to rotate my shirts and ensure I didn't smell, or I'd get caught. I used hand sanitiser a lot for my arm pits.

My sister helped me get a room at a cheap hotel, since I didn't have a shelter to go to.

Definitely hoping folks familiar with your part of the world can help. Please know that you deserve safety, Summer.

Summer,
There are some places that will board your dog if you've been through DV. I found a place when I was thinking of leaving my H. There are also crisis lines, organizations, and resources that just help with DV.

Hugs, Summer. I agree with the other suggestions of contacting a domestic violence hotline for advice (but of course in a place where he can't trace it, like you went online, use someone else's computer or a computer at a library, something like that; if you call, delete the number from you placed calls on your phone). For the dogs, you say he wouldn't hurt them, but would he let you have them back if you left? But you need to be the priority, even though I know you love the dogs.


Stay safe....

Ugh, I'm sorry. I've heard lots of bad stories about them. Like where they suggest a hot bath for anything. The one time I tried to contact one, the wait was so ridiculously long (like an hour) that I gave up and texted with a friend (that I knew from here) instead.

Frustrated with myself for eating my feelings again.

Stay safe Summer.

@@ I'm sorry the hotline was not helpful. I called one once a long time ago at the worst of my depression before I got on meds years ago, it served as a distraction but not much else as I recall. I never called again.

Hugs if wanted, Lost.

Well today is my first day in concurrent chat at work. It's actually not as bad as I feared it would be; trying to stay positive. I've had 7 sets of 2 chats at the same time this morning and have managed all of them okay. It's lunch time now.