Couch 236: NY PS Langston Hughes

Hugs, Kit. I wish I knew what to say that would help.

Thank you, Artie. Hugs are always helpful. Hugs for you too.

Hugs, Kit. I'm not sure what to think about the $25 offer. I think maybe she's just trying for anything that might help? In reply, I'd just be honest that it wouldn't help you right now (and maybe that you feel weird about taking her money, assuming that you do).

Is there something else you'd find to be comforting maybe? I know this might seem silly, but could you buy yourself a nice blanket? A warm, fuzzy robe or cardigan? A really soft stuffed animal that you could stroke? Or just treat yourself in some way to a food or drink that makes you happy? A candle? Or to binge watch your favorite show? An online game or phone app you enjoy? Basically, some way to give yourself care? Or could you ask your parents to make or order your favorite dinner or dessert? (if it would help to be cared for by someone else).

However, if you don't think there's anything that could help, maybe it is time to consider the hospital?

Sort of amusing Dr. T thing today:
Me (15 minutes into in-person session): "I feel like I'm acting really anxious right now. I'm sorry."
Dr. T: "It's OK. And you seem normal to me."

Me: "So...maybe this is just how I am normally to you?"

Dr. T: "Well, it's a least one of your normals."

I did settle down after a bit--he said I tend to be a bit anxious until we settle on a topic or otherwise get more engaged in conversation. I know I'm also trying to adapt to being in person again (this is just the third session).

'One of your normals'...now I'm curious about my 'normal' to R.

Is there a club for those of us who over-apologise to our Ts?

There should be a club for us!


And I'm wondering what my other "normals" are!

I know I've been described as 'emotionally closed off' in the past. These days I'm not sure that's true. I'm becoming a little more accepting of my feelings.

Thanks LT.


While I don't know what would help, I did take some anti-anxiety medication (still within the limits prescribed by my pdoc) and an entire pill of Olanzapine which has calming effects. I usually just take half but I can take up to two. I'm really "zoned" out now. Like numb and out of it. Which has made the self harm urges go away for a while.


My parents did bring me some coffee to work. And I ate a piece of chocolate really slowly. I plan to have tea out of my pretty teacup at work if I don't run out of time. And when I go home tonight I plan on writing to one or more of my Compassion kids. I try to write them twice a month. I wrote all the girls over the weekend and one of the boys so time to finish up the boys.


I don't think I need the hospital now that I am numbed out. I might call my parents to come get me from work though since I took Xanax.


I replied back to T and just ignored the bribe thing. That just struck me as really odd. HUGS Kit

That's awesome, Lost!

I don't think I ever apologized to a therapist. I can't imagine why one would unless you stepped on them or knocked them over by accident or something like that.

One of the therapists I interviewed said she made bets with her clients. She was, of course, batshit crazy - but I knew someone else who had hired her and said that indeed that one did make bets. I did not go back.

I think people have various versions of themselves that they use in various situations. There is a normal professor me, and a normal lawyer me, and a normal with friends me = they are all a little bit different depending

Kit, I'm glad the medication is helping, though like you said, might be good to have your parents pick you up. Your plan sounds like a good one. When do you see your T again?

If not there oughta be a club for that. I over-apologize to everyone for everything including to L.

I'd be weirded out by your T, Kit. She perhaps made a good point - what do you find comforting?

I remember 1 reason I found SH comforting is because

I definitely over apologise to my T. And I have a snarky mode, that she'll comment on.

Lately, I'm quite incoherent on the phone as I call around to various government places in order to find out where can I go if I'm houseless again.

I think that's another one of my "normal" to my T whenever I'm in a major crisis.

What did she bet on? How long they could stand her?

Snort!

I just lost my job.

I'm so sorry, QM.... Hugs if wanted.

Hugs appreciated.

T was helpful in reminding me that even when people judge harshly without knowing the facts or bothering to actually ask me why I made particular decisions, I don't have to rip open wounds to explain.

I finally talked with my therapist after 3 months. I'm glad we have reconnected

I see my T again tonight on Zoom. At least there should be lots of stuff to talk about.

That's great news, junkDNA

I'm so sorry QM.

Hugs to all of you. I'm sorry some of you are struggling

We just got our house yesterday. I'm very excited to move, hope the rest is going to go okay.

Glad you reconnected, jDNA!