Couch 242: madam i'm adam

Thats good clarity, the distinction between a stating a preference, and the reaction to it (yours or his). You could be mad at HIS "feeling" too. All a person has to do is say no.

So much stress again today H is mad and stomping around and I'm sick to my stomach over it all. I'm trying to hold onto the good things from talking with L the other day but it's hard. Just too much going on. H is acting like an absolute CHILD because he is not getting his way on some things that are out of our control. We need to just do the things we have to do so we can be done with it all and he's digging in his heels and he's going to make the whole deal fall through. Maybe that's what he wants. I don't know.

If you are not still working -why not just leave and go for hike someplace close or to a movie or something. He can have his emotional response - you don't have to engage with it or watch it or do anything about it at all.

Boy you lesbians sure know how to spoil a guy's fun!

this needs an lol button

Unfortunately I'm working for another couple hours or I would have already gone somewhere. He has settled down now somewhat and is watching football. I 'left' as much as I could by closing my office door and staying in here away from him.

True enough - I am not much for trying to control or take care of men's emotions - although in all honesty - I am not much for doing it for women either. Basically I think everyone can go off and have them but it is not my problem one way or the other. I have a nephew in town for his freshman yr at college who is struggling to grasp why I am not charmed by him and have absolutely no interest in indulging his peter pan tendencies (from what I have observed -that is the province of his parents). I told him teen age boys are not my kryptonite -leaving him perplexed.

I truly wish I could learn to be like that, at least a little bit.

That does not surprise me. I recently read that youngsters thought the name Lois was pronounced to rhyme with Joyce. They dont know Superman.

He was perplexed at the idea I am not succumbing to his boyish charms - he knows superman.

Can you explain this loyce business? It broke my heart! I soooo wanted to be her - girl reporter.

I love our conversations.

I have not heard of the Lois/Loyce situtation in relation to superman. I have known people named Lois who pronounced it Loyce.

I think it stuck in my mind because its the first odd name when i was learning to read. That and Aloysius, which i encountered in a Highlights magazine in the dentist office.

I feel better now about Loyce. Like its a millenial thing i just didnt know. A new invention rather than a debilitating deficiency.

break time. work is somewhat better today, and only one minor little run-in with h this morning (it's early though). I'm staying in my office with the door closed, dude get a clue and leave me alone. Today, I am numb. My feelings are numb.

I used to have a boss named Aloysius waaaaay back in like 1990. He went by Al, but I always thought it was a cool name. Found him again on fb recently, which was a nice surprise. He was a good boss! I remember one time he told me "Art, you've forgotten more than I ever knew about running this call center" when I asked him a question one time. haha it was true, though. back in those days I had my fingers in everything - I knew who to call and was always getting access to things nobody else in my department had access to bahahaha so I could get stuff done. I mean shoot I could even get into the Server room and change the recording on our incoming 800# whenever there was a fiber cut!! Those were good times, good times indeed. I don't honestly know what happened to that incarnation of me, I really don't. I miss her.

A lot.

I suspect she made way for an incarnation of you who pays attention to different things, who moves at a different pace and who has changing priorities. You don't need to work from a deficit model of yourself. Women are changing and cyclical beings, we move.

Comrade, that is so beautiful and well said! That really touched me, especially: "We move".

It reminds me of SD's quote: "Women are allowed to take up space".

Thank you, Comrade.

I need to remember both of those things!

I really appreciate y'all here. A lot. I may not always say it, and I don't always know what to say, but, that right there is the truth.

stopdog and I have the potential to become quite the poetic duo. In many ways, I think she considers me to be her muse.

So this is coming from a sports angle, but something Dr. T said to me today is helping. I have all these regrets and also ways that I'm unhappy with myself right now. And when I try to change (like getting rid of less healthy habits and picking up healthier ones), I tend to get hung up on my failures, in not changing fast enough, in not being perfect.

He said with athletes, they're taught to just focus on the next play. That if they just fumbled the ball or struck out or missed a shot, they can't be focusing on that--they have to be thinking about their next move. I'm going to try to apply that more to my life. I'm not an athlete, of course. But instead of thinking "I got nothing done yesterday, I suck," maybe I can make it more like, "OK, so what can I do today?" Or even smaller, not "I spent too much time scrolling Facebook in the last hour," but "I can do some work now." And such. It sounds simple, but the difficult part will be trying to actually put it into practice.

He also suggested I have a list of potential positive things I could do each day (it could be something like "go for a walk" or "have fewer than 3 drinks"). And then at the end of the day, list the positive stuff I did, what I accomplished (I did try something like this briefly). The risk of that for me is if I have an actual checklist, I'll likely get hung up on what I *didn't* do. So I think maybe I don't have an actual list. But I look back through the day, noting even when I just made a slightly better choice (I parked a little further away than usual so I got a few extra steps in).

I don't know if it will work--I do know that I need to try something different.

Thanks for sharing that, LT.

It resonates with me too.
I can't remember how I found it, but I'm signed up to emails from a site called raptitude.com.

This is the owner's latest blog post, which feels like it might also be relevant to you.

The Right Now List - Raptitude

that resonates with me too, LT thank you for sharing. Lately I have been so ultra-hyper-focused on all the failures and stressors that have already happened/are currently happening that I'm barely seeing tomorrow at all.

That looks interesting, Lost. When I can actually focus and read, I plan to read more.

My stress levels feel through.the.roof right now. SO much going on in addition to my trying to work a 9 hour day today. My heart is pounding in my ears still even though I logged off work 27 minutes ago and poured myself a glass of wine. I actually mentioned the "D" word to h today. Let's just say he was not amused and thinks I'm nuts and had no clue that I am having those thoughts. He hugged me and I laid my head on his chest and just sobbed. This has got to be my worst January on record since I started working for this company in late 2012.