[LostOnTheTrail]

Anything you want to say to your T, big or small - post it here.

[AliceKate]

You are awesome. That being said I hope it's okay if I keep my distance. I am wary of growing overly fond of and dependent on you.

[velcro003]

Sunday feels too far away. All I want to do is curl up in my bed and cry.

[ArtieTheSequal]

I know, I know, you harped on it so much, that I don't really know you.

Even so, I like the you that I do know, and I miss talking to her, even if she's not technically the real you.

Stupid convoluted therapy relationship.

One of these days I'll send you a letter. I've a few things to say that I didn't say back in December but that dang it, I want you to know. I wish we could just freakin' talk about it.

[LostOnTheTrail]

I've been looking for that blog post I mentioned all day, and I can't find it.
Shame, really, because it was so comprehensive on that subject.

The Critic still hates that my Wellbeing Plan exists.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

I know, I know, you harped on it so much, that I don't really know you.

Even so, I like the you that I do know, and I miss talking to her, even if she's not technically the real you.

Stupid convoluted therapy relationship.

One of these days I'll send you a letter. I've a few things to say that I didn't say back in December but that dang it, I want you to know. I wish we could just freakin' talk about it.

I hope you don't mind me replying, Artie. I REALLY don't like that she said that you don't really know her. You do. You were with her for a long time, and while she may be in more of a "therapist" mode when she's with you, and unless she's a sociopath, you saw her. You can't go 10 years with someone and not know the 'essence' of them. I think she is wrong.

[20oney]

I’d really like you to sit close to me next week and just be there with me. I know I could ask for this and you would be on board, but I’m not feeling up to it. I don’t want to ask you to sit on the floor with me because it’s not all that comfortable. I would just like to be close right now

[Mountaindewed]

You encourage me to email you and you love reading them. I guess you don't ever reply on Fridays either. Not that its a big deal though. I think I mainly keep checking my email for a shipping notice for a couple things I should have gotten awhile ago.

[Lostislost]

I admit I am feeling less than ok today. But it has occurred to me that you may have been trying to get rid of me for a long time..I just didn't realise before.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

You encourage me to email you and you love reading them. I guess you don't ever reply on Fridays either. Not that its a big deal though. I think I mainly keep checking my email for a shipping notice for a couple things I should have gotten awhile ago.

Just fyi, amazon had a power outage in michigan and has barely delivered anything in over a week.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Just fyi, amazon had a power outage in michigan and has barely delivered anything in over a week.

It was from the yankee candle store and I ordered 3 things at once one of which I've already gotten. The other 2 are in "progress"

[LonesomeTonight]

Dear T,
How you were today particularly, and to some degree how you were Tuesday--it felt like you were back to the T that I'd been missing lately. Perhaps you just needed this latest trip? Just felt very connected and supported. So thanks for that. And for sharing that funny story about cursing in front of your son and how it was "his favorite memory" for a long time.

Now I feel I'm back in a place where I can tackle the more difficult work with you. Perhaps we can start on some of that Monday?

Love,
LT

[LostOnTheTrail]

That feeling of drowning hasn't dissipated one bit. Yesterday felt like day one, without the insulation that shock provides. I will now try to float through today.

[LostOnTheTrail]

Now dragging myself through another day. Trying to set my sights on Monday, rather than Thursday...as Monday is closer.

[Mountaindewed]

I'll probably get crap again about my weight. I did buy a bunch of stuff I can eat and I've been drinking Ensures and getting protein. Yesterday I ate pretty well and I was eating throughout the day. I just don't get why we need to have a discussion about my weight each time. My pdoc told me its fine to be thin. You may be annoyed that I haven't been eating dinner or not waking up when my mom tells me its ready though. Which I guess is understandable.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

Your response made me cry. I know you haven't forgotten about me but it's always at the times I most need you that something goes wrong. And none of the people who I thought would be the most concerned about how I am after my surgery haven't been in contact or they even forgot I was having it. The couple of people who HAVE asked are those which I haven't even seen in years. I've felt very alone and forgotten about and deeply sad. And now due to the Queen's funeral it looks likely my appt next week will be cancelled. I know it's disrespectful but I wish it was on the Sunday.

[ArtieTheSequal]

Well, I may finally be getting to the point of letting go of the whole "you don't know me" thing you kept saying. I have decided to choose to believe what I know inside myself - that I do know the essence of you (thanks, Velcro for the word) after 10+ years of sessions, and I'm pretty sure that's what I mean when I say I feel like I do know you. (I wish now though that I'd thought to ask in response to your assertion what, after the door closes behind me when I leave, do you morph into sociopath mode?! Should I be watching the news??)

[LostOnTheTrail]

Three more sleeps.

[Mountaindewed]

I have this probably irrational fear of you sending me IP and me getting a tube down my nose so I'm trying to stay on top of my calories. I think 1700 a day is plenty. I guess I have been holding myself back on my eating but I'm still actually eating enough.

[velcro003]

Hi E. It was so weird for me to start crying when you handed me the stuffed animal. What is wrong with me? I am so so sad all the time.

[Just42dayK]

T,
Jerk!

Additionally as fall approaches a heaviness is finding it’s familiar place upon me. I’m tired.

[Mountaindewed]

You just said in your email 1800 calories is too low.... dude quite a large group of people would gain on that amount. I think 1800 for maintence for me is ok.

Is skinny shaming a thing? Even though you don't have a weight issue yourself so I'm not quite sure it would be called skinny shaming.

Is it rude to ask you how many calories you eat? I'd probably sound like a smartass. I have no idea what you eat. You talk about everything except what you like to eat.

[velcro003]

Awww, E. Thank you SO much for your reply to my email. They always help me so much.

[LostOnTheTrail]

I can understand a visceral response to the cancellation of the service. I can't understand the profound physical response I seem to be having.

I hope your goodwill over my cursing extends to this.

Two more sleeps.

[AliceKate]

I think I feel anxious now because you said we could try to drop the scales for a while. Perhaps it feels like a step towards termination and I am reacting badly to that feeling, because this is a very unique relationship and I genuinley benefit from it and even enjoy talking to you. With whom can I be honest like I can with you? Of whom would I accept conditions like the scales if not of someone I have a contract with? Who could see past all that stuff to drop the scales within a year? Of course, perhaps, a different T. But I would assume when we terminate, I am done with therapy, at least for a significant amount of time. Honestly, I thought I'd be doing them until forever abruptly ends.