Couch 242: madam i'm adam

Hard to wait until my therapy appointment tomorrow. I just want to feel better. OTOH I am not entirely sure what I am going to talk about although I have some ideas. I hope my GP appointment goes well on Wednesday too.

L might be on jury duty for a long trial Shr has to miss our session tomorrow! I really needed to see her!

I have so much I'm dealing with: health problems, new diet and exercise regimen, H's job contract is up, raising a puppy, learning new techniques in therapy and it not sitting well with me, opening up about trauma.

She said if she's on the jury, she'll have to have T or J as my backup therapist. I don't want T or J! I want L!!!

I can empathise, Scarlet.
It seems like things are going to be a bit different for me in therapy this week too.
I hope it works out and you're able to continue as planned next week.

Hugs, Scarlet--I hope she's not picked! You really are dealing with a lot right now... She might be able to say it would be a hardship for her clients if she were to be chosen. Or if there's anything else that would make her an undesirable member of the jury (like if she'd been a past victim of a crime--that kept me from being seated on one years ago, as the defendant's attorney didn't want me on there).

I was really anxious last year when Dr. T had to go for jury duty, but he wasn't chosen and got dismissed early (it may have been that they didn't have a trial needing jurors that day, I forget).

HUGS Scarlet

T in about 4 hours. I keep feeling anxious before my T sessions. I don't know why. Maybe just because she is new. Maybe because of everything that happened with ex T. Maybe because I keep behaviorally not doing the best. EEK.

Hugs, Kit. I hope it goes well! I imagine it might be some mix of the above reasons--plus, didn't ex-T often cancel at the last minute? Or you never knew whether she'd be there? So that could be adding to it. I think it's natural to be nervous.

I think that would make sense, LT.
Plus it's very early days, Kit.
You've only had a few sessions with her, so it makes sense that you're struggling to feel safe/comfortable.

Yes, I think that is it...the struggle to feel safe and comfortable. I took some anxiety medicine. No point in feeling horribly crappy for several hours.

HUGS Kit

Thanks Lost. I hope things go well for you this week!

The sad thing is, she chose this court because the one closest to her had Tuesday and Friday jury days which are my session days. So she was trying to avoid jury duty affecting me. It didn't work. I just am hoping she gets dismissed because she's a psychologist. What defense would want a psychologist on their jury?

I wish she could make up some excuse to have her excluded. But she won't lie or over exaggerate. She knows that I'll be okay even if it means I have to suffer during this time. I know she doesn't want that for me though.

I know this isn't her fault, and she tried to not affect me, AND I feel like she's emotionally abandoning me. I know she's not actually abandoning me, AND it feels like she is because she won't be available.

It just sucks! And I hurt.

Thanks Scarlet. Fingers crossed!

Hugs, Scarlet. Will she know by this evening whether she's been picked? And is she possibly able to fit you in on a different day to make up for today if she's not selected?

Therapy went well with new therapist. I don't know why I get so freaked out before session with her! I focus on my breathing and stuff but it takes me a long time to get to baseline. About halfway through the session I start feeling less anxious. We talked about my frustration last week with my disorder, my symptoms, my behavior, etc. I showed her the new DBT workbook I got. She got one on psychosis! I wish I would have seen that one! She said she is glad that I work on things outside of therapy. We talked a bit about my Mom because I guess I hadn't really talked about her. Talked about how it was difficult growing up with my Mom. And talked about difficulty with boundaries with my sister. And she says she agrees that it will probably be easier to stop self harming so much once I can regulate my emotions better and do distress tolerance. I thanked her for billing my insurance. Ex T could never figure it out even though she was in network with my insurance! I asked her if it bothered her if I talked about religious stuff (because I get the idea that she isn't particularly religious, which is fine by me, but I don't want to offend her) and she said it was fine. So I made a comparison to something in my faith with what I am going through. I think it was a good session. I like her so far. She seems pretty nice and chill.

I think she will know by this evening. I hope. We rescheduled today's session for tomorrow, but we had to change it to virtual because of the rain storm tomorrow in CA. She said if she is chosen, we can only do a phone appointment tomorrow...30mins at noon for her lunch break, and 30mins when she's taking public transportation home.

Oh I so hope she doesn't get on the jury!!!

Holding you in my thoughts, Scarlet.

Hoping that it all works out for the best.

Ugh. I’ve been dealing w plantar fasciitis for a few months, and have been on leave from work (unpaid!) for a week and a half, and had a breakdown earlier. I do not seem to be healing. My physical therapist is also stumped. The most I was on my feet today was 20 minutes, and the pain is like i’ve been on them for hours. I do not know how I will be able to go back to work if nothing is helping.

I follow up with the ortho doc in 6 weeks.

I'm in a crisis and have no where to go.

Hugs, Scarlet. Have you heard from L? And could you go to the hospital?

Hugs, Velcro. Didn't the one doctor say it might not be plantar fasciitis? Is it possible that it's something like peripheral neuropathy? Or...some other thing that would need a different type of treatment? Six weeks seems like a long time to wait. Could you get on a cancellation list maybe? Or try to find a different doctor who could see you sooner?

I haven't heard from L Probably means bad news. H just fought with me because I went out on our patio and talked to my dad for an hour. I don't think T and J can help w/o letting L know first. I feel trapped in my room by H....oh, and hospital will cost $400...

LT-Yeah, one of the podiatrists I saw thinks that. The only one out of 4 different ones I’ve seen. The most recent one that wants to see me in 6 weeks is an orthopedic doc and was convinced that is what it is. They will do an MRI in 6 weeks if i am still in pain. I don’t know what to do, because I HAVE to go back to work on the 27th. Going right back into 24/7 agony is beyond my breaking point.

Scarlet-Your health and safety are number 1. I hope you stay safe.

Keep looking for mds until you find one who will pay attention. Too often mds dismiss women's pain and do not take women seriously.

Finally put all of my colored clothing away, it takes around an hour to do. Now it's time to wash the jeans.

hugs and headnods all around as needed/wanted/appropriate. my internet was down ALL day yesterday so i couldn't work, and we no longer have an office building here in town for me to go into when this happens. because we are so behind with work, I have to make up the 8 hours this week. Ugh. Have a good day everyone.