Educating therapist about self harm

Why should you have? There is no rule saying that you have to tell current T anything. There is nothing wrong with doing what's best for you. Who are you harming? This is therapy, this is not a friendship. The aim is to be supported for sure but also to work towards a therapeutic aim - which current T *cannot* deliver.

Because the emotional connection, sporadic as it is, is not helping you with what you initially started therapy for.

Ouch. The way you treat yourself is really harsh. What is wrong with taking the steps you need to get a professional who can help with those specific issues you have? Who are you harming in being sure where you land before severing any ties? I hear the loyalty to current T but it should not be at the detriment to your mental health.

Thank you Rive for some truths there. I guess there is no harm in not telling current/possibly soon to be former T anything yet. I am just meeting with new potential T and I don't know how it is going to turn out. No need to be hasty even though I am pretty sure I need/want a change. But best not to leave myself without any support.

You're right. Even though I am attached to current T and she is very caring and loving toward me, she isn't helping me. She isn't doing much of anything that I can see. I have no idea what we have been doing the past 16 months. I don't mean to put her down because she did increase sessions over the summer when I wasn't doing well, and she did meet with my parents, although I don't know why, and she does genuinely seem to care...it's just, that's not enough. I'm getting older, possibly sicker, and I need help. Tangible help.

And you're right again. I was being really harsh with myself. I wouldn't be harsh like that with someone else. I would probably say it makes sense to wait and see how things play out. I am getting excited about my appointment with new potential T. I am hoping for hope. Like that she can offer me something that will actually really help me and get me to the next stage in my journey. Toward better emotional/mental health.

Thanks for your support. HUGS if wanted, Kit

I emailed new potential t with a list of goals with the caveat that of course they can be expanded or refined collaboratively. She responded last night, positively, and of course, basically said we will talk more about it on Monday, which is the response I expected. It seems a good sign that she will email back something. I don't need lots of out of session contact but if I want to clarify something it seems like that would be okay.

Current T got the books I sent her on Self-Harm yesterday. No text. No thank you. No nothing. Sigh. I don't know what I was expecting but if someone went out of their way to try to help me understand them, I think I would at least know that the materials showed up. (I know because Amazon alerted me and sent me a picture of where they left the packages.) I am a bit disappointed by that. But maybe I expect too much.

These are the goals I sent to potential new T on email. Too ambitious? Tried to think of everything that would help me get to a place of wellness.

Goals:
--Significantly reduce or hopefully end self harming
--figure out how to make emotions not so uncomfortable or overwhelming (where I feel like self harming), have confidence that I can cope
--catch changes in Schizoaffective disorder quicker--do something about them so that I don't end up back at the hospital (unless necessary of course)
--Not feel so sad/lonely/anxious all the time
--cope better with life changes
ex. Perimenopause--just because I didn't have children (and didn't think it was good to have children due to my mental health issues) doesn't mean I didn't want them. Going through Perimenopause means I won't be able to have them in the future, and that's hard.
--increase joy in my life, decrease depression, have purpose and meaning
--know what to do with self harm and suicidal impulses so I don't feel like I am white-knuckling it all the time. Will power only goes so far
--Understand myself better
--Not be scared of hallucinations when I get them

I think they are perfect.

Really good goals, Kit! They're not too ambitious especially if you take steps, smaller goals, and develop skills to get you to the end goals!

I'll take the hugs, thank you!

And your goals? Not too ambitious at all. It shows clarity and a recognition of what you know you need - great awareness. I wish you best of luck with new T and hope you get the help you need. What you are asking for is what any decent T ought to be able to provide, so I hope this one can..

I thought of a few questions for new potential T. I emailed her. I don't expect her to get back to me before our session but I hope to get these questions answered within the first few sessions. Hopefully this will help me discover if she is the right therapist for me. Or at least "good enough."

What do you think?

---------------------------

I thought of a few questions for you. I certainly don't expect a response before our session, but I know for me, I often need a bit of time to think about things and I try to afford that to others as well. I don't know if we will get to these questions on the first session because it depends how long the intake is, but I wanted to ask them anyway.

1) How would you describe your therapeutic approach?
2) Do you work on building rapport with patients? How do you typically relate to patients?
3) If I don't know what to bring up in session, are you comfortable jump starting the conversation? Or do we sit in silence until I figure out something to say?
4) How should I prepare for our therapy sessions?
5) How do you prepare for our therapy sessions?
6) If I have a self harm episode or episodes between sessions, do you prefer to know at the time of the occurrence, or just wait and tell you in session? I mean, if I need medical attention for them, there is a possibility of going IP and I would probably need to tell you in case that the upcoming session might not be able to be attended. Or I could have my Dad call you ahead of the appointment, if you are comfortable with that.
7) If I have things--delusions or hallucinations--competing for my attention during our time together--do you have a therapeutic intervention for this? I do tend to be day-dreamy anyway, but there are times when there are some other things dividing my attention. I don't want to seem not dedicated or committed at the time, but sometimes my brain just functions a bit differently than other people and it can take a bit more effort on my part to remain present.

Thank you for your consideration.

Those seem like good questions, Kit!

Thank you, LT!

Great questions, Kit

Thank you Rive. I hope I get answers to them in the first or second session.

Good job! 🙂